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Old 08-11-2018, 03:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Worried wife


I think my husband is secretly drinking (l know if a few occasions he has hidden alcohol). I don't know if I'm over thinking or have cause for concern.
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Old 08-11-2018, 03:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sorry you're dealing with that situation Awal. I was a husband that hid beer and secretly (I thought) drank for a long time. Likely you're not overthinking. Take care of yourself and there's lots of support here in the friends and family forums.
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Old 08-11-2018, 05:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome Awal.

I'm sorry for what brings you here but I know you'll find support,

In mu experience when a spouse is worried there's usually grounds for concern.

D
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Old 08-11-2018, 05:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome,

I doubt that you are overthinking the situation either. Chances are you're right. I hope that you take care of yourself.
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Old 08-11-2018, 07:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Doubt you are overthinking Awal. As many here, I was a husband who lied about my drinking. If he's hidden it before and hasn't yet dealt with his demons, there's a high probability he's hiding again.

Lots of great advice and support here. Welcome.
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you everyone for your messages. A big part of me wants to play it down in my head...but I am realistic enough to know the signs don't look good. I don't have a clue how to handle this at all.
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Awal, we have a Friends & Families forum on the board which you could look at:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/


And, you might like to check out AlAnon in your city as a support for you.
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. I doubt you're overthinking it. I hope you'll get some support for yourself. I also recommend AlAnon.
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Old 08-12-2018, 04:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi Awal,

I can only share from my specific situation, so take it for what it’s worth.

What I say is that you need to take any pressure off yourself to ‘fix’ things. Only your spouse can do that and only he can come to the decision that it needs fixing. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t share your concerns, point out the consequences of his drinking and also be encouraging if and when he decides to face up to it. Only in retrospect can I see how selfishly I prioritized my time to allow for unfettered drinking. I never had a wreck or any outward single event that kicked me to the reality of my situation. Just a slow fade to complete bondage to alcohol and the miserable existence it becomes. I had to live it a good long while to get through my extremely thick skull!

You may want to look into the friends and family forums for support as well. Also, there’s a book called ‘Boundaries’ by Drs. Cloud and Townsend that will be able to convey what I’m struggling to get across.

My heartfelt best wishes to you, your husband and family.
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Old 08-13-2018, 03:55 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark1014 View Post
Hi Awal,

I can only share from my specific situation, so take it for what it’s worth.

What I say is that you need to take any pressure off yourself to ‘fix’ things. Only your spouse can do that and only he can come to the decision that it needs fixing. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t share your concerns, point out the consequences of his drinking and also be encouraging if and when he decides to face up to it. Only in retrospect can I see how selfishly I prioritized my time to allow for unfettered drinking. I never had a wreck or any outward single event that kicked me to the reality of my situation. Just a slow fade to complete bondage to alcohol and the miserable existence it becomes. I had to live it a good long while to get through my extremely thick skull!

You may want to look into the friends and family forums for support as well. Also, there’s a book called ‘Boundaries’ by Drs. Cloud and Townsend that will be able to convey what I’m struggling to get across.

My heartfelt best wishes to you, your husband and family.
Thank you.
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Old 08-13-2018, 03:35 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by lessgravity View Post
Doubt you are overthinking Awal. As many here, I was a husband who lied about my drinking. If he's hidden it before and hasn't yet dealt with his demons, there's a high probability he's hiding again.

Lots of great advice and support here. Welcome.
Can you tell me..why the secrecy? Is it shame? Does it add to the pleasure of it? Is there some other reason?
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Old 08-13-2018, 03:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Could be shame. Could be he doesn't want to deal with you knowing and the possible arguments, etc.

Trying to figure out why an addict does what they do is an exercise in futility. You cannot make sense out of what is senseless. Take care of yourself.
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Old 08-13-2018, 04:02 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Awal View Post
Can you tell me..why the secrecy? Is it shame? Does it add to the pleasure of it? Is there some other reason?
I didn't hide my drinking, but I hide the amount. Why? Because if my wife knew how much I was really drinking, maybe she'd see it as a problem and pressure me to quit. And I didn't want to quit.
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