Things are getting serious.
 

I'm not a big believer in triggers but if I was, I've got some coming my way. Not a big fan a long posts unless you are a great writer which I'm not so I'll get to the point.

My father who has been living on borrowed time for years had another heart attack last night, he had a complication but seems to be doing ok. I just came from the hospital and he looks horrible, but he's been through a lot in the last 48 hrs. I do not see my family much for reasons I have stated before. That being said, if he dies, I'll be crushed. He's been a good dad and good man.

Another "trigger" is this fricking all inclusive vacation my wife booked in Mexico at the end of the month. Never been to one, but I understand it can be a booze filled week or so. I don't want to be a hermit, but I don't want to drink either. We are taking her Mom on this vacation as a gift. which I'm fine with.

Stressful time right now.

Wow, I'm sorry for what you're going through and best wishes to your father.
Wish I had some words of wisdom, but just remember, there's nothing a drink will make better.

Best to you.

First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your dad’s health. Like was stated above, drinking won’t help it, or help you navigate your feelings about it. I’d venture to guess in fact that it’s important to approach this time with clarity and focus.

Which makes me feel like I have to put this out there: you could skip the trip to Mexico. Your sobriety is really important, and a booze fest is hard for any recovering addict, never mind one who’s father is ailing. I’m sure your wife and MIL would understand. Consider it.

So sorry to hear about your Dad.
Support to you Thomas.

Sorry about your dad’s health Thomas wishing you and him the best

Real tests for sure but you can handle them.

I'm sorry about your father's health struggles.

As for the all-inclusive vacation, check and see what activities there are to do. Are there day trips, sight-seeing options, anything that can keep your mind off drinking?

Glad your dad seems to be doing a bit better.

I've always done Mexico with 'all inclusives' for the sole purpose of I drank a lot and I probably saved about $200-$300 per day on booze. It is also nice to just walk into any place and get whatever you want to eat and some places also include room service too. That being said; I've heard there's lots to do there sober as well,but unfortunately I couldn't tell you exactly what those are,as I've never been sober in Mexico. :scared:

Thomas,

So sorry to hear of your fathers Ill health, it must be so worrying for you. Sending my very best wishes to you. Good Luck with Mexico whatever you decide to do. SP

I will be thinking good thoughts for your dad, thomas11. As to the all-inclusives in Mexico, I have stayed there with my wife (who drinks) for the past 4 years. I have been sober for almost 5 years. Everyone is different, but for me the resort didn't prove to be a trigger. There is so much to do, and eat, at these resorts, that I was able to focus on that instead of the alcohol.

I wish you the best. Please let us know how things turn out. :grouphug:

I'd actually like to go to Mexico 'soon' and experience it sober. Instead of being by the pool bar,go deep sea fishing. Actually remember some of the food(s) I had. Simple stuff like that.. I did have a good sober time at the marina in Cabo that I remember. I got drunk when I got back to the resort though.

Yeah, I think we can go scuba diving and take a scenic boat ride. I'll find out.

I have not given much thought to this vacation coming up, but I do keep thinking about the fact that the kitchen is open almost all the time and they will make whatever you ask for (within reason). Since I quit drinking I love to eat so this appeals to me. They also have a pretty nice gym on site so I will make that part of my day.

I went to the hotel gym for the first time in my adult life on a week long business trip last year. Felt awkward the first day,but it was so nice waking up fresh and early, working out for an hr, back to the room for a shower, nice healthy breakfast and off to work..you know..like a responsible adult..:lmao I even went a few nights too because the weather sucked for sight seeing and the lobby bar was looking a bit tempting at that time in my sobriety.

Last thing I'm going to say on this issue. I am the early riser in the family so I was at the hospital this morning and it was just myself and my father. He told me all about the incident and confided in me that he seriously thought about just waiting it out and maybe he would die and not have to deal with all the stuff that goes along with having a heart attack. Tough to listen to your dad say that.

"you know..like a responsible adult"

That resonates with me.

Right? Early sober actions for me were like a child learning some new profound thing/action daily, that most "normal people" wouldn't even bat an eye at,muchless think they just solved the di vinci code or something . Pretty interesting re-learning how to live life without a crutch/'escape'.

thomas11 I am so sorry to hear about your dad. it's awful to see a family member in very poor health, but so good that you're able to be there for him to confide in, even if the things he needs to say are tough to hear. The fact you're there will mean the world to him.

In regards to the holiday. I did all inclusive Mexico a few years ago and actually found I drank less because it was always there and always available. I was only there for three days for a friend's wedding, but there were so many activities that we could have done had we not been caught up in all the wedding events, so I think you'll find plenty of distraction.

I'm the same as you with food at the moment You'll have plenty of that to enjoy! It's really important to remember that you are NOT missing out on anything by not drinking. I often wake up thinking about the delicious food I had the night before, but I rarely wake up after a night's drinking thinking about how amazing the alcohol was.

I can feel the weight from here....

I feel for you, and for your father and family....

But I want to ask you to remember something:

Triggers can pull us, or we can pull them.

You've identified the triggers prior to them pulling you.

Now you have the choice; do you want to pull them (deal with them in healthy ways by ensuring you're supporting yourself, working through the building tension, letting off steam, getting self care....)

Or will you choose to let it ride and hope you make it through without being pulled..... (and winding up on the wrong end of a bottle).

I know you know the choice you really want....

And I know you can make it.

:grouphug:

Best wishes for your Dad Jeff.

As for the vacation - I guess cancelling is not an option, so...
Life is an all inclusive vacation Jeff.

Any time we like, your or I could stroll down tho the liquor store and start again.

I don't like.

I love who I am sober. I love the life I've built. I know that drinking will not help me in times of stress, grief or fear.

If you're doing this trip for your mom - do things with your mom. Its not like the only thing you can do in Mexico is drink.

It's another country - savour it man :)

D