DontRemember

So..if for anything at all..please get it together for 4 more years and give her a chance at a childhood and yourself a chance to relish in that time with her/them..be there. After that go do whatever.

Ladysadie

You sound like you're still overly obsessed with this man. I hope you look into some counseling to help give you support and focus for your abandonment issues, it can really help shortcut your agony. Best of luck to you Miss Truthseeker. You and your girls deserve every blessing offered in life. Get on the sober track and get healthy. You are so worth it! Your girls deserve it.

Gerard52

Truthseeker, sorry for your troubles. It is truly sad that your child has to mother you. My only advice is to think of your children and impact what you are doing is having on them.

Forget the loser man. Who do you love most in the world?

DreamCatcher17

Our children should never have to parent us, that is too much responisility on a child and will mess them up in the ling run. I hope you can get back to parenting your children. They do not have to be TOUGH for us, we have to be TOUGH for them.
I am so glad I quit drinking before my son knew what I was doing, the last thing I want are therapist bills because he needs to be fixed from all the damaged I caused him, when I could have prevented it all.
I am praying for you today, that today you are not drinking and getting your life back on track, and getting out of the cycle of men. No man is going to fix you, you know that which is great.
A book I may recommend is "Waking the tiger"
"co dependent no more" accompanied wiht the handbook.

You can do this.
Check in every day, all day if you must.

You deserve to have your self worth back
Your kids deserve a mother

YOU ARE WORTH IT

Truthseeker11

What I meant by that was that she’s had to comfort me and give me emotional support but you are correct, she shouldn’t have to do that ever, even if she is a tough girl. I’ve always made sure they were well fed and they are almost never home alone or anything. I always wake up early and take them school and that kind of thing. But it’s not fair for them to have an unhappy mom who isn’t trying harder than this to quit this pervasive demon.

My plan is, I’m going to write down on a pad of paper a vision of how I want the next three months of my life to go. Of course I know to take one day at a time. I just think this will really encourage me, it’s all self improvement goals and spiritual goals and coming up with new ways to reward myself instead of alcohol. I found a meeting on Monday nights I really liked so I’ll be going back there. I may get a personal trainer. Also I’m very fortunate in that many of my friends are either sober or light drinkers so I can be around them. Most importantly right now, saying good bye to the guy I do truly love but that is so toxic for me. I mean, I never know what to say when people ask about a plan. I don’t know what a typical plan looks like but these are the things I want to do.

Truthseeker11

You are absolutely correct. My youngest is 11. I don’t want the next 7 years to be a blur. They have turned into such amazing individuals despite not having the healthiest mom, they definitely deserve a sober mom.
And after that, I would never want to go back to the hell of alcoholism.

Truthseeker11

Thank you! I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year now, but maybe she could help me a lot more if I were sober. I am very candid about my alcohol use and she has helped me to see its role in my ongoing issues Agony is the right word. Abandonment issues are the worst. And yes, my wonderful girls deserve it!

Truthseeker11

Thanks again to all of you responded. I struggle with self worth a lot and it’s nice even just to read that I’m worth it, I truly hope I can believe that someday soon. I think it’s impossible for us to begin to love ourselves as long as we are drinking.
This is going to be hard as I don’t have Librium this time around. The next three days are going to be tough. I’ll be here often. Thanks for the prayers and well wishes.

I just wanted to add, while I was sober, and I know 12 days isn’t long but, I know I inspired this guy (the one I’ve had a semi-relationship with). He kept telling me how proud he was of me. And he knows I am really angry at him and hurt, but he texted me finally, just to say that he hopes I can get sober again and that he really needs to do the same. That alcohol is a toxin. It’s a glimmer of hope. It would be a great thing if we could both get sober. We would still not be right for each other. But he has a four year old, our kids need us around and healthy.

Truthseeker11

One more thing, my 14 yr old has friends who all have mothers who drink a lot and they talk about it and I think they’re starting to think it’s just what mothers do. It’s very sad for me that they have no better examples to go by. It’s so hard being a mother, but it’s not an excuse to drink. I just notice a lot of parents do. And my daughters were so proud of me too. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many people so proud of me in my life. That tells you a lot, because I only made it 12 days. But I feel like this time I’m a little wiser and a little better prepared. Letting go of him is a must. I have been too triggered by him. He’s far worse off than I am. I have to just remind myself that’s what alcohol did to him in 1.5 years. He was a completely different man back then. And it’s done enough to me. Really, it is pure poison.

ReadyAtLast

I hope you can focus on your own health and sobriety for yours and your children's sake. They need you. He does not. I agree with a previous poster you do seem really obsessed with this man . Even in your last post saying how you hope you and he can both get sober. Please just focus on yourself.

SparkleKitty

Maybe your daughters would get a lot out of Ala-teen.

Fearlessat50

Truth seeker, you sound so much better and that you are starting to think on the right path. Is today Day 1? It’s great that you have thought through a plan, that you are going back to a weekly meeting, going to therapy and coming here for support! It’s also good that you know to expect the early days will be tough. But you will get through it! I agree with what others have posted that it seems like there is some lingering hope you have for this man, if you both get sober. I’m not sure if you are fully aware of it. It’s probably best that you really just focus on yourself and your children as hard as that sounds. My therapist had pointed out to me that once I had sobered up, it was amazing that without the alcohol, there was no more drama including the guy who had been in my life. I see now how the addiction to both the alcohol and affair had created such highs and lows that I pretty much thrived on that rollercoaster ride always coming down so low then needing that next high to get me out of the low. It was such a terrible cycle. It was difficult for a while to get used to life being calm. But it has been so worth it! I am so much happier and I have found other healthy activities to fill that void and all the time I spent drinking and obsessing.
On the topic of moms who drink, you are spot on. I also have a young child and lots of drinking mom friends, who almost look at you like you are crazy if you have children and don’t drink. There is so much stress with parenting, how else are we supposed to manage, right? It’s so wrong. I’m managing so much better without the poison and my son is better too. There are even alcohol beverage companies out there who make products and market exclusively to moms, like Mothers Brewing promising that their beer can form better friendships, communities, lives, even affairs! Straight from their website. No joke. Don’t even get me started ��.

2ndhandrose

Hi Truthseeker

I hope you will just focus on yourself and your girls.

Let him go to do whatever it is he will be inclined to do, drink or not drink.

"Glimmers of hope" have kept way too many unhealthy relationships going long past their expiration date.

DontRemember

Wow!! I just looked them up...that's crazy! From a business/marketing standpoint, it's pretty damn smart though. Also looks like a bunch of guys run it..There's even a beer named "MILF"

DontRemember

TS, You do not need a man..focus on your sobriety and your girls. They'll be young adults before you know it and need a positive example set by you, to follow in all avenues of a lady's life. I'm a guy (42) and my daughter turned 22 this year. I fought for custody from the time she was 2 and was granted full custody around 5yrs old. Her mother has been married 5 times that I know of and has 3 kids by 3 men. All fathers have full custody. My daughter doesn't speak to her mom at all because of the resentments she holds. Her mother, I'm told, hasn't changed at all..protect and teach your kids with 110% of your god(or whatever) given ability. trust me..you'll miss these years once they're gone.

Truthseeker11

Thank you all. This is my first time on here since my posts from early this morning. I wasn’t sure I would make it through the day without drinking and I didn’t want to come here if I couldn’t. I ended up taking half of a naltrexone. It made me really depressed. I’m very chemically sensitive and I also messed with my hormones with this latest bender, so I’m not really surprised. However, it did take away my desire to drink. But the depression is tough, as I can’t drink to deal with it. I mean I CAN but I’d be so disappointed in myself. If you’ve ever been clinically depressed and you know that heavy, smothering feeling almost like grief mixed with hopelessness, that’s the feeling that hit me hard when this pill kicked in. I was already depressed but this tipped me over into that particular feeling. I live down the street from a gas station so it’s all too easy for me to go grab a box of wine. I didn’t sleep much last night and I’m worried about sieep tonight but I know I would sleep poorly if I used wine to fall asleep. I think I got this though. If I can make it through day 1 I think day 2 will be easier. My daughters have friends over and are laughing up a storm. It’s such a nice sound to hear right now. My ex husband’s girlfriend who I am friendly with texted me to tell me I had I inspired her and she was now two weeks sober. She offered her support and was very kind. I’m trying to focus on how proud I made so many people with my 12 days. It was a good feeling and I want it back. What’s crazy is I just booked a vacation for my daughters and I for next month, Disney no less, and I can’t even feel excitement. It was a very bad bender I’m coming off of. I know these clouds will go away with a little time once the poison is out of me. I don’t like what it does to my mind, it really makes it race and it’s feels chaotic. My mind after a few days of abstaining was so much clearer. I can’t say I was at peace but my anxiety had left the room and hope was increasing. I relapsed after 12 days when the man I spoke of upset me, I was supposed to come over to his house and he didn’t call because he was talking to someone for an hour. I just felt disappointed in him again and almost as a revenge I told him I was just going to go to the bar and have one drink. Then I had a second. Then he convinced me that I overreacted and so I went there and had beers. Then stopped and got wine on my way home. The thinking was that I messed up, might as well go for it. Crazy I know! But that AV is sneaky and relentless. Tonight it’s telling me that’s it’s better to ease off alcohol and that one small box of wine would be ok as long as I completely quit tomorrow. I will try my best to pay it no attention! I’ll be coming back here soon as I’m definitely very serious this time about this! Even if I made it two weeks and then slipped again, at least I will not give up! I will keep trying!
And the guy - he’s too much a reason for my sadness. I actually truly pity him and it hurts. He texted me at 3 am, of course I was awake too as booze steals our sleep, he just said he cared about me despite me hating him. I assure him I don’t hate him but that I have to stop contact with him as it’s been far too painful. I honestly don’t think at all we would ever be together even if sober. He simply can’t get close to women, he’s 47 and women have always cheated on him, his ex wife divorced him while pregnant and withheld his son from him for the first year of his life. Had him arrested for a DUI, took him to the cleaners, and he still seems to love her on some level, he has no self respect and it’s been far too toxic and he is such a broken man. It’s not what I want. But I am not ready for any man. It’s all about my daughters and myself. Sadly I’ve got no family except them and he has family all around him who love him, family would have helped me through this so much. I live with my stepfather and that’s been hard on me too but my kids go to good schools and i have no other option as this area is too expensive and I don’t have a good career. The guy from the pub also has a big, beautiful house that is so lonely and empty inside. He has so much but he hates himself. I think that’s what attracts us, we can reflect that self loathing. I hate feeling that way about myself anymore, I want to find my true self. Thanks for listening, I write way too much. It’s always been like a compulsion when I’m anxious. Wish me luck tonight.

Truthseeker11

Well it’s 10:30 and I’m getting ready for bed now. I feel sleepy thank God, even like I’m going to sleep extra well tonight. Took a look in the mirror and wow, the bender really did a number on my face. I’ve drank a lot of water today and ate two healthy little meals. Tomorrow I’ve got some ideas to keep me strong and on the path. Here I come day 2!

Dee74

Hi truthseeker. I really think to have any peace at all you're gonna have to draw a line under this relationship and move on.,

Easy for me to say sure, but I've been there too and wasted more than a year getting drunk at someone and trying my best to destroy myself.

You can't afford to do that - apart from the fact I'd hate to see anyone do that, you're a mum.

If you think this is more than post drinking post break up depression do see your doctor or therapist - is that who you got the naltrexone from?

I hope you get some sleep

D

Branches

Boom. Nailed it in two sentences. That's a quote to put on a wall.

Truthseeker, I'm new to sobriety but it sounds to me like you could not find a worse person to have in your life at this moment when you're trying to save it from alcohol.

Look at the "triggers" here: rejection, rejection, rejection, rejection, lying, rejection, not good enough, rejection, humiliation, self-loathing . Who deserves that?

You know the smart thing to do. Delete his number. Block his calls. Do trivia elsewhere. Drive in another direction. Cling to your HP, sobriety, your kids, SR, and your friends. Choose your own welfare over his. Whatever makes this man the way he is is his issue to fix not yours. Like the flight attendants say, Put your own oxygen mask on first.
Come on, girl. You are worth sooooo much more. Tomorrow is a new day. The sun will rise. You'll have a coffee or tea, hug your kids, have a good day, and not drink. You can do this. We're here for you.

Truthseeker11

Thank you. I’m am listening. I CAN do this, and honestly this place with all you caring people (and I thank anyone who is reading this just for being here, we do need each other!) will get me through my bad days. It’s been rough again but working has helped, and even moreso all the encouraging/wise/truthful/caring advice I’ve gotten here.

Somehow I just started turning everything around my mind today as I was out driving for work, rather than think about my rejection consider how he and his ex wife feel, they didn’t even last for the child’s birth. Those aren’t happy people, it was never about me or me not being good enough. On my better days I know this. Bottom line it’s time for me to be selfish in the right ways, not in the alcoholic ways. It’s time for me to put my own oxygen mask on first, well said.

And about little things like coffee, I started to enjoy small pleasures when I quit. More than I looked forward to drinking. Instead of passing out at 11:30, I loved being asleep by 10 and having my cup of coffee as I drove my daughter to school. Routines and small pleasure definitely help!