bringmeback7693

I'm on the host committee for a YPAA conference. Dreamed that I relapsed AT the conference, and as a result everyone was reasonably pissed at me, then the conference was ruined because none of the planned events happened and it was a disaster. Then my boyfriend broke up with me and then it was Christmas and my parents didn't give me any presents (LOL, the ultimate Santa punishment for my sins.)

I AM NOT GOING TO RELAPSE. So why does my subconscious think I am? I have relapse dreams almost every night.

doggonecarl

You posted yesterday about the obsession being lifted. Today you tell us you dream of drinking every night. So consciously you have no desire to drink, but unconsciously, there is some lingering desire to drink. I think that's understandable. A hundred days is pretty early in recovery.

I don't think dreaming about drinking means you are going to drink. Dreams aren't prophecies. Drink all you want in dreamland. It's being sober during the day that matters.

MyLittleHorsie

Dreams are just dreams, however it may be your subconscious working itself out. I had relapse dreams, then the other night I had a dream where I was tested and didn't drink. Dreams stay in my bed, at least I try to keep them there.

It's funny, because like you, the obsession has lifted, I read lessgravity's thread about the large glass of chardonnay and found myself feeling ill. Like the revolt your body would have before the first drink, the physical revulsion - but you drank anyways because after the first couple it went away. I don't want it to go away, I like the revulsion at the thought of alcohol LOL! Now when I think about alcohol and I get that shudder of revulsion, I think WTF was wrong with me! Why did I drink, I clearly don't like it. Then I remember the whys and hows and the fact those issues are reconciled and gone and I don't ever have to drink again.

SnazzyDresser

I blame those darn ghosts!

VigilanceNow

I have always had vivid dreams, but even more vivid and realistic since coming back from a malaria region where I had to take Mefloquine to prevent malaria. This plus recent sobriety = horrific drinking dreams for me too! Ugh, I've woken up questioning my sanity; did that happen?! Am I recalling something that did happen but has been wiped from my memory due to black outs? Such thinking could drive me actually insane if I let it.

There's obviously some preoccupation still there, but don't let it drive you crazy. I'm sure there's leftover embarrassment/guilt/shame from drinking days; I've been told these pass

Keto

Im on mirtrapazine. ..
=crazy realistic dreams

Dee74

I actually don't put much store in my dreams being an accurate representation of my subconscious.

I dreamt of high school for many years but I don't want to go back there.

If there is anything behind them I can usually trace it back to fear and a fear of vulnerability.

The conference is a big deal and you're understandably nervous. I'm sure you'll do great tho

Forward12

You likely are still fantasizing about the evil. Cognitive reprogramming is one of the keys to keep moving forward