Gerard52

My experience is that AA takes a bit getting used to. I have attended 150 plus meetings in the last year and recently restarted. There has been a process of osmosis where I have absorbed concepts that I initially I didn't understand and find they now ring true.

Attending AA has definitely shifted my mindset on alcohol. During my drinking periods I am much more aware what I am doing isn't good. It has has planted seeds of aversion.

Irrespective of alcohol problems, the AA lessons for self reflection and goal to live a non self centred manner are beneficial.

I have found stopping solo drinking is quite easy and I can trundle along for months day to day not drinking without to much trouble. What is not easy is the idea of never drinking again at social activities, holidays, celebrations etc. Like everyone else, I want to be a normal drinker, 2 or 3 pint man.

What I can do just now is try out living sober in all situations. Rather than think forever, I can say with confidence that I can commit to 6 months not drinking and after that 1 year should be achievable. During this time I will study the steps and try and apply them day to day.

Addiction is nothing but a mental trap. It erodes emotional wellbeing and interest in real life.

Jules714

Its a day at a time. Just stay sober for the day. The days add up. Eventually youll stop obsessing over the drink you are powerless to.
Jules

entropy1964

There's a saying that AA may not keep you sober but it will ruin your drinking. Darned true that. Once that seed is planted it grows.

I have found that removing any time contingencies on my abstinence helps me. I don't drink, no matter what. I won't change my mind. Its not today or 30 days or 1 year or 10 years. Its just no. That seems to work for me. I have found, the way my crazy brain thinks, that if I say just for today, I find myself saying, then maybe tomorrow. And that reservation doesn't work for me. It becomes like a bacteria and it grows.

I do live my life day to day however. In the moment. That keeps the brain from pondering yesterday too much, or freaking out about tomorrow.

So funny, the mind games. The semantics. But whatever works. Another saying, alcoholism is a disease of perception. True dat.

Leana

Yeah, I'd say most of us wish we could be normal drinkers, wouldn't that make life so much easier. But we aren't normal drinkers and can never be normal drinkers.

I didn't have a hard time with the "never having another drink again" in the beginning but I think that was because I didn't believe I would (could) ever stop. So it was something that never bothered me. When it started bothering me was moving into year 3 and 4, it started as thoughts of "just 1". I had to scream NO. I can't have just 1. I went away for a while after that but just before I hit my milestone (10 years sober last week) I started having those nagging "just 1" thoughts again. I mean seriously, I have been sober for 10 years I won't go back to drinking non stop again because of 1 drink....or will I? I will.

The fact is, if I could drink just 1 I wouldn't be typing this rambling post. If you could drink as a normal person, you wouldn't be reading it.

I hate being an alcoholic. I mean hate it. We go out with friends and they all order drinks and I have my coffee or tea. They are laughing as drinking tends to do to people and I just don't get the joke..I'm sober...its not really funny what they are saying but alcohol makes it funny. It sucks as I sit there at the table but always on the outside looking in.

BUT... I drink my coffee and laugh and enjoy life as a sober person because in the end... I NEVER, EVER want to go back to where I was before I quit. What I have to remember is what really sucks... are the hangovers, and the blackouts, and the irresponsible and risky behavior. That is what really sucked. The not drinking, well that is what I have to do to keep those wicked things away from my life.

Gerard52

I really like this it is about time something ruined my drinking.

bunchie

Great post Gerard, I agree wholeheartedly, not having a beer for the rest of my life is going to be hard, but not as hard as living with all the dread that alcoholic drinking brings, to put it in perspective I can not do other things I love anymore either because of aging, so I am going to try and age gracefully into sobriety.

gypsytears

This resonates with me on so many levels. It’s nice to read what I feel on a regular basis. I am frequently the only person not drinking anything but my coffee or tea and playing along but not getting their fun because, it’s not really funny lol. Mine comes with the comfort of finally making healthy choices. Congratulations on your decade. That’s awesome and an inspiration!