Really???
 

Yesterday Dee posted a thread about not fighting and bickering. This is not the first time he has posted about the issue, nor the second time, nor the third.

Off the top of my head, today I removed two nasty posts and Dee removed three. I expect there are more but I'm not going back to count. So, basically, we couldn't even get through one day without nasty, snide, sarcastic comments. Really???

I want to spend my time here helping people and trying to keep things running smoothly. I don't want to spend my time finding nasty posts, removing them and sending messages to the member involved. When you post irresponsibly, you not only make yourself look bad, you are taking time and energy away from members who need support or help.

I love SR and the help we all offer to so many people. I have absolutely no patience left for anyone who makes a snarky comment to another member.

I left another site for the same stuff. The moderators did nothing to help and it was an aweful experience. I hate that you have to do it, but I praise all that’s good that you do it here. Thank you for doing it moderators, thank you.

and I have less patience left than Anna does.

Thanks Anna.

D

You have to put your foot down or the forum or it will get out of hand. You folks do a great job of keeping things civil and if those who offend don't get, then the ban booger could take em out. :smashfrea

Its been said before but its worth repeating, most newcomers are in a very fragile state. What good does it do to run em off with negative feedback? I was scared ****less when I joined.

Thanks, Dee and Anna and all the mods for your good work.
Very much appreciated.

Makes me feel :( and :mad:

Good point. Where people are fragile and sick it is incumbant upon posters to take care what they say and moderators at SR do well in what at times must be very trying conditions.

I think members also have a role to play - after all, its your forum too.

Report anything you think needs reporting - be proactive.
Have the forum you want to have :)

D

It's incumbent upon all of us to maintain an atmosphere that fosters sharing, kindness and recovery. Report. Anna and Dee and the whole team shouldn't need to police; we should be able to police ourselves. Anna said " I don't want to spend my time finding nasty posts, removing them and sending messages to the member involved." I don't think the staff should need to, let's all work together.

I just posted this same message under Dee's post, I am copying it here for anyone who needs a reminder.

Dee,

Thanks for continuing to monitor posts, and removing any that are hurtful, or unkind. I am sorry that you've had to make a post like this again.

I can share that I joined SR in 2012, and found amazing support. I relapsed after s bit, and when I returned some of the unkind posts made me not want to log on and be honest about my strugggles, which is the whole point of the Newcomers forum.

I now have been back and sober since January 1, 2016 and the support I have found on this site is absolutely amazing. I still check in daily, and I always try to offer supportive posts to at least a few in the Newcomers section, as well as I. Our 24 hour thread.

Anyone in Newcomers needs to remember how vulnerable someone feels posting, especially when first starting to grapple with getting sober. If you are frustrated with someone who may have relapsed again you also have the option of not responding to that post. Newcomers need support, not lectures or rants.

I am so appreciative of Dee and Anna, and all of the others who help to keep this site a wonderfully supportive environment.

Someone asked if Dee would message someone if they posted something inappropriate, and I can almost guarantee he would. I once responded to a post in the men's only thread because I was clicking in new posts, and Dee messaged me with a very kind post to make me aware of it.

Thank you to each of you who have supported me, and continue to. You are loved and appreciated.

❤️Delilah

Anna, can you remove users who continue to break forum rules?

I actually had to leave SR for a different reason for a while. I had just relapsed and there had been a ton of relapse threads going around. It actually had the effect of tempting me into relapse seeing so many others just do it over and over again. I hope I'm not out of line when I say this and I didn't see the drama the last couple days but I think it's worthwhile to throw out there that there is always other sides and other feelings in things.

I didn't come back until I had four months sober and felt I could deal with it better.

what is a newcomer? Is a three year poster that relapses every week still a newcomer? I know the balance between how to express things from a personal level instead of saying this is what you should do and all of that.

I think I can't make my thoughts into words quite how I want to right now, but I'm just saying the chronic relapsing can be something the give your own AV extra strength and then chain relapse. It's contagious.

Sometimes I have trouble getting thoughts out and then they come out wrong,I hope this post isn't like that. I've not really gone over it three times and do have a deal with dyslexia

This is my thinking as well.. at what point do the admins/mods consider a person "new/fragile"? Thus my post in Dee's thread;

Banning is always a very very last resort.

I'm prepared to go a long way to prevent that happening and I know Anna is too :)

_________________________________________

Not really sure what you mean Tekink (Happy for you to PM me if that's a medium you can speak more freely in)

Relapse is always going to be a part of this forum...addiction is relentless.

I get regulars here sometimes get what might be called compassion fatigue.

I urge everyone to remember balance in our lives and the joys of not sitting on the end of a computer, a phone or a tablet :)

All I'm asking is that everyone (or everyone who feels up to the task) make a concerted effort to remember how they felt at that new scary sore point in their recovery and share a little of what AAers call experience, strength and hope :)

D

I'll try maybe tomorrow to hit you up PM. I get why you'd be unsure it's hard for me to get the concept in my mind into words. I was feeling that I wasn't quite coming out right in the post already. Sometimes I just can't get the right words it's all kind of confusing to me.

I'm very tired Tekink - sorry for the confusion.

Well, I usually work out if a person is new or fragile by reading their posts?

This place has rules - it doesn't take a degree to work out when rules are broken.

You can read all the rules further down the main page.

Its not like I can change the rules because someone is new or fragile. Other mods (and you guys) would rightly pull me up on that.

The rules are there so there is a minimum of interpretation needed by any given mod.

It's not a perfect system but it seem to have worked well for 15 years.

In this forum neither Anna or I like to be very hands on in a mod way. Neither of us wants to ban people, or give them time outs or even remove posts.

We prefer to let you guys sort things out where possible - and despite these two threads that still works 98% of the time.

Its the 2 % thats the problem.

People are hurting. That's not good.

Hopefully this discussion will show people how seriously we take their well being here, rather than driving anyone away.

we want Newcomers forum to be welcoming and helpful - to everyone, not just the new and fragile.

Everyone is protected under the rules

D

I would say anyone making a fresh start could be considered a “newcomer”. As Dee said, the post itself should give a good indication of whether the poster is fragile or not, with the very nature of alcoholism implying at least a suspicion that it might be the case.

If such are necessary, I would much rather see threads like Dee’s and Anna’s around than leaving it up to newbies to wonder what type of reception is acceptable around here.

100%

I think it’s a terrible shame that Anna and Dee have found the need to post these words of caution again.

PS - I have been a moderator on three forums in the past. It’s hard work and a thankless task at times. At least on the forums I was on it was easier to ban people that kept crossing the line (not that it was my moderation style actually). But for Dee and Anna it is really tough because even the people crossing the line are ‘vulnerable’ to one extent or another - so I see why banning or suspending accounts is the absolute last resort. We’re all addicts with our own demons and need to be ‘handled’ carefully.

Let’s support our community and our mods - or we’ll lose them both.

JT

It’s hard to believe people can behave so bad when all we’re trying to do is help each other. :dee

Anna, Dee and all the moderators, I’m sorry you have this negative part to deal with :hug: