I want this to be the last day 1 I ever do...
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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I want this to be the last day 1 I ever do...
So in the past year or so since I first came to SR, I am back again on day 1 for maybe the 5th or 6th time.
It's escalated and is getting out of control very quickly this time. I keep allowing myself 'one blowout' before I quit again, but I've had many of those 'last blowouts' and the next one erases how bad I feel about the last one, and thus continues the cycle with the bad feeling growing and growing.
I want this to be my last day 1. I want to quit, and I need to. The 14 months or so that I was sober for were amazing for me, and I miss the person I was then and the life I had.
I owe this to my family, to my son and to myself.
I hope you will welcome me back and help me do this
It's escalated and is getting out of control very quickly this time. I keep allowing myself 'one blowout' before I quit again, but I've had many of those 'last blowouts' and the next one erases how bad I feel about the last one, and thus continues the cycle with the bad feeling growing and growing.
I want this to be my last day 1. I want to quit, and I need to. The 14 months or so that I was sober for were amazing for me, and I miss the person I was then and the life I had.
I owe this to my family, to my son and to myself.
I hope you will welcome me back and help me do this
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
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All the best to you, David.
Day 1 isn't too bad for me generally, as I don't drink daily so would normally have a day off anyway (although have been drinking consecutive days recently then having 1-2 days off, as I said it's escalated very quickly this time). But I know the next few days will be difficult, especially as I am on holiday from work so technically *can* drink without having to get up for work (although I do have a toddler to look after all day!). I need to make a plan for getting through the next week or so, because I know it is going to be difficult. I will post here every day, I hope you will too, I will look out for your posts and offer support where I can.
Day 1 isn't too bad for me generally, as I don't drink daily so would normally have a day off anyway (although have been drinking consecutive days recently then having 1-2 days off, as I said it's escalated very quickly this time). But I know the next few days will be difficult, especially as I am on holiday from work so technically *can* drink without having to get up for work (although I do have a toddler to look after all day!). I need to make a plan for getting through the next week or so, because I know it is going to be difficult. I will post here every day, I hope you will too, I will look out for your posts and offer support where I can.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
I have come back for more day 1’s than I care to think about. Looking back, any stretch of sobriety I was able to achieve happened when I followed closely the advice given to me on here, especially the advice to post before drink. If I chose instead to listen to my AV, things inevitably go south.
We can do this.
We can do this.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome back, AwkwardKitty. I hope this is the beginning of a permanent recovery. Read around and post often--here's a couple good threads to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6977733 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 402)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6977733 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 402)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html
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I'm glad to see you back AwkwardKitty. It sounds like you're ready to make this work.
It's a great idea to make a plan that can help you get through the early days and then beyond.
It's a great idea to make a plan that can help you get through the early days and then beyond.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Originally Posted by Delilah1 
Welcome back!! You can do this, what helped you to stay sober for 14 months?
Although I had stopped some months before getting (not intentionally) pregnant as my mental health had deteriorated to the point I was unable to leave the house, and hangovers just exacerbated my health anxiety. However, I believe I probably was close to relapse then I became pregnant and didn't drink until my baby was 4 months old, and been back on the old slippery slope since then.
When I was sober, I had a sense of purpose, I had NO sick days from work at all, my mental health was consistent, I was healthier and happier.
I need to be able to remind myself that just because my baby is on the outside now, I still have the exact same responsibility to keep myself well. It can still do immense damage to both of us.
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Thank you to all of you.
I think one thing I am going to do is log on at around 5/6 each day because the craving can come on suddenly and then it's already talked me into not coming on here, so I will come on each day to pre-empt that.
I think one thing I am going to do is log on at around 5/6 each day because the craving can come on suddenly and then it's already talked me into not coming on here, so I will come on each day to pre-empt that.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
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Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
Thank you to all of you.
I think one thing I am going to do is log on at around 5/6 each day because the craving can come on suddenly and then it's already talked me into not coming on here, so I will come on each day to pre-empt that.
I think one thing I am going to do is log on at around 5/6 each day because the craving can come on suddenly and then it's already talked me into not coming on here, so I will come on each day to pre-empt that.
That's sounds like a good plan, see you later!
J
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
Welcome back! So, your abstinence for 14 months proves you can do this! You needed a good reason to be sober before and you did it, but you probably left the door open and said you could drink again once you'd had your child. You need a strong reason to do it now and to keep the door closed.
Wanting to be sober more than you want to drink is so important, otherwise one tends to relapse again. I am only just at the point where I want to be sober more than I want to drink. I've had to close that door on 'Oh I'll just drink on special occasions' etc.
Wanting to be sober more than you want to drink is so important, otherwise one tends to relapse again. I am only just at the point where I want to be sober more than I want to drink. I've had to close that door on 'Oh I'll just drink on special occasions' etc.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: London, UK
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Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
All the best to you, David.
Day 1 isn't too bad for me generally, as I don't drink daily so would normally have a day off anyway (although have been drinking consecutive days recently then having 1-2 days off, as I said it's escalated very quickly this time). But I know the next few days will be difficult, especially as I am on holiday from work so technically *can* drink without having to get up for work (although I do have a toddler to look after all day!). I need to make a plan for getting through the next week or so, because I know it is going to be difficult. I will post here every day, I hope you will too, I will look out for your posts and offer support where I can.
Day 1 isn't too bad for me generally, as I don't drink daily so would normally have a day off anyway (although have been drinking consecutive days recently then having 1-2 days off, as I said it's escalated very quickly this time). But I know the next few days will be difficult, especially as I am on holiday from work so technically *can* drink without having to get up for work (although I do have a toddler to look after all day!). I need to make a plan for getting through the next week or so, because I know it is going to be difficult. I will post here every day, I hope you will too, I will look out for your posts and offer support where I can.
I am also a binge drinker so am used to some days off. I have had sober periods of up to 6 months too. I tended to drink Friday Saturday and sunday when my family is around. I have been in extended period of being out of work and have no compulsion to drink during the week. I am not well into day 2 and feeling good. not just because I haven't drunk for 2 days but because this time I have made a commitment to change. the challenge will come when I go to places and events where people are drinking. thankfully they are few and far between. the hardest thing for me is boredom. I have found things to fill my day. I have started running again, I keep a daily journal, eat well, meditate. put my focus on things that are good for me. I have spent a lot of time on here too. reading other peoples stories and interacting with people who can relate to my addiction. people without one rarely understand what it is like, they think that it is a simple choice that we make but it isn't. stick with it, do some thing that will nourish your mind and body and enjoy the time with your kid.
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Well I said I would log on at 5ish every day and post how I am feeling, to beat the AV to it before it starts convincing me I should drink. I have had a few wobbles today, like seeing friends posting holiday pics with ciders and thinking how I would like to have just one with my meal (which I have never ever done EVER! Booze replaces meals - food gets in the way! - and have very rarely stopped at 1 or 2!) but for some reason my AV likes to trick me into pretending I can have a couple then stop. That's the reason for EVERY SINGLE relapse I have had.
Nerf, you are so right, I did the classic 'I've had so long away I can now control it' which we all know is just never going to happen. Old habits die hard and it's amazing how quickly you go from enjoying the odd drink to waking up after passing out, or going to the shop in the middle of the night with beer-running-out-panic or calling in sick cos you decided to have a little early evening drink the night before that turned into a binge session. I always think I succeeded for that time because I had no choice, but actually I did, plenty of people drink whilst pregnant, and it was completely my choice and strength that enabled me not to, so I need to keep reiterating that to myself - there was no magic thing that stopped me from drinking, I did it. I chose to put my baby first. And I still need to do that, even though he is 'outside' now, the effects will still be felt eventually, I think it's because they're not so immediate (i.e if I drink when pregnant it could literally harm him, whereas now it's much slower) then I can stop before it causes too much damage, but as the child of alcoholics I know I need to stop now.
David, you sound extremely determined and have a good plan in place! I agree keeping busy helps, I normally plan out my timetable for the week so I don't leave myself with any 'gaps' to fill. Also eating well is important - I avoid meals when I am in the beer mindset - and feeling nourished does reduce my craving for beer a bit. And I sooo need to get back into meditation, I did it daily when I was sober before and it really helped. I am going to get right back on that (it was so much easier without a toddler to run round after!).
I hope everyone else is doing okay today!
Nerf, you are so right, I did the classic 'I've had so long away I can now control it' which we all know is just never going to happen. Old habits die hard and it's amazing how quickly you go from enjoying the odd drink to waking up after passing out, or going to the shop in the middle of the night with beer-running-out-panic or calling in sick cos you decided to have a little early evening drink the night before that turned into a binge session. I always think I succeeded for that time because I had no choice, but actually I did, plenty of people drink whilst pregnant, and it was completely my choice and strength that enabled me not to, so I need to keep reiterating that to myself - there was no magic thing that stopped me from drinking, I did it. I chose to put my baby first. And I still need to do that, even though he is 'outside' now, the effects will still be felt eventually, I think it's because they're not so immediate (i.e if I drink when pregnant it could literally harm him, whereas now it's much slower) then I can stop before it causes too much damage, but as the child of alcoholics I know I need to stop now.
David, you sound extremely determined and have a good plan in place! I agree keeping busy helps, I normally plan out my timetable for the week so I don't leave myself with any 'gaps' to fill. Also eating well is important - I avoid meals when I am in the beer mindset - and feeling nourished does reduce my craving for beer a bit. And I sooo need to get back into meditation, I did it daily when I was sober before and it really helped. I am going to get right back on that (it was so much easier without a toddler to run round after!).
I hope everyone else is doing okay today!
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