thomas11

I hope yesterday was your last day 1 too AK. Regarding cravings, expect them, they will come and sometimes strong. You DO NOT have to give in to those cravings, they are just cravings. And they stink. But they get less and less with time. Rootin for ya.

AwkwardKitty

Thank you, and I know they do, but in the middle of them it feels like they will literally never end. But I *know* they do and I have experienced it, it just doesn't make sense that my common sense and positive experience doesn't trump the AV! But I have to stop trying to make sense of it and take it for what it is, and deal with it. I am feeling positive.

NerfThis

Your words prove that you know exactly what you need to do. You aren't making any excuses at all and you're very aware of how this cycle tricks you into thinking you can moderate after a break (i've tried it enough times and I'm now 100 percent sure the cycle will be forever unless i abstain for good). You are also correct that other forms of harm can be done to your child even though they are in the outside world now if you continue to drink. I'm rooting for you and I think you have the perfect mind set to get this right this time.

August252015

Glad you are here and sharing!

AwkwardKitty

Back for my day 3, 5pm post! Thought I would just continue on this thread so avoid clogging up the board!

I found myself really craving last night, but I had some tea and cake (so British lol) and did some ironing. AV was really trying to convince me. I woke up this morning and took my little boy swimming then out for lunch, then to a play centre and then did some shopping. If I had drink last night, I would probably have had to stay in today and eat loads of junk, and felt depressed and guilty. I feel really good. I am so much more active and productive when I don't drink.

AV has started again already. I have plans to see my brother and his kids tomorrow, but he hasn't let me know what time yet, and already AV is saying 'he might cancel, if he does you can drink tonight since you'll have nothing to do tomorrow'. The craving just grabs you and implants that seed into your mind. I am not going to drink, so there is no point listening to AV's arguments and debating the pros and cons is there, thats how it gets in. I am just saying to myself, whats the point in thinking about it when I know I'm not going to drink anyway, and then distracting myself.

I am studying on top of my job at the moment so brought myself some new folders and things so am going to cook dinner then spend the evening sorting out all my college work and things (I like stuff like that!)

I hope this Friday evening finds you all well

mns1

I am inspired by you AwkwardKitty. I am on day 3 myself. Don’t even engage your AV just let it cry itself to sleep.

Let’s keep the days piling on!

DarklingSong

"The craving just grabs you and implants that seed into your mind. I am not going to drink, so there is no point listening to AV's arguments and debating the pros and cons is there, thats how it gets in. I am just saying to myself, whats the point in thinking about it when I know I'm not going to drink anyway, and then distracting myself. "

Thats my experience too! I am beginning to realise that not engaging with the thoughts is the best strategy. Well done on Day 3.

AwkwardKitty

Yes mns1 I remember, I have been thinking of you!

Thankyou, Darkling. It's so easier said than done to not engage, it starts happening before you even realise! It is getting stronger tonight but I am just about to eat food, which normally helps supress them a little. My hands are even shaking and I feel really disorientated, hard to keep my mind on anything else. Once I've eaten, bathed and put the little one to bed, had a shower and washed my hair then tidied up before settling down for the night, I am hoping the cravings will have subsided a bit.

tealily

AwkwardKitty, I am rooting for you! I know you can do it. You did it before, so you know YOU are actually the one with the power. Every time that AV pipes up, recognize it for what it is: a lying, deceitful, sneaky monster that seems big and scary but is actually nothing but a puff of hot air. YOU get to decide to give yourself (and your sweet little boy) a better life. You know from hard-earned experience that "just one", and "just one last time", and "one little drink with my brother" will never be just one. Play it through. Even "time" the craving. You'll be amazed how fleeting it really is. 30 seconds? A minute? Make a cup of hot, sweet tea instead. Or have a fizzy healthy drink with some tang to it. Have a piece of chocolate. Derail the thinking. Every time you do it, you will be stronger.

You have such a wonderful opportunity to become a strong healthy woman for yourself and a strong healthy mom for your little boy. He doesn't ever need to see you sneaking alcohol and slurring your words or stumbling into bed. You can be there for him.

I had countless day ones. But eventually there is the one that sticks. THIS can be yours! You will NEVER regret it.

Hang in there. We are here for you and cheering you on! From across the ocean!

xoxoxoxo

FORMER "wine drinking woman desperate to stop"

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rate-stop.html (Wine drinking woman, desperate to stop)

Lookingforchange

Aw, this is lovely! Well done-just keep this up one hour and one day at a time. X

SolidKarma

Have you ever tried AA?

Hevyn

We're cheering you on, AK - congrats on reaching Day 3.

AwkwardKitty

I need to apologize and confess. I am drinking.

I somehow talked myself into it and am currently on my 5th beer. I am sitting here alone and reflecting and decided to come here and read. (I normally avoid this place if I am drinking).

I read through Tealily's first post since I remembered it well from when I first joined and I am sitting here crying.. I can't believe how far you've come and I am so pleased for you, and so jealous too. I want this too.

It almost felt like it wasn't a choice tonight. I got to the point where I felt it was inevitable so I might as well give in.

Dee said earlier in this thread that the way to succeed is to do things differently. So far I have been to alcohol support services (I didn't think they were great tbh) and been here, mostly doing it alone. I have decided I am going to go to AA, I have a womens only group near me on Sunday that I have known about for a while but have thought I would do ok without it. So I am going Sunday evening, because I need to do something different and I need to see real people and feel their strength too.

I am so sorry to all of you here cheering me on and being so lovely. I am so frustrated, I KNOW all this, I am insightful, I am bright, yet still it is so hard for me to do this. I am beyond frustrated with myself. After a positive day, rather than riding that wave and continuing it, I had to 'reward' myself.

I came back here to confess rather than turning up sheepishly in a few weeks time on another day 1, so I guess thats a good thing, I felt compelled to tell you all the truth now.

I will post again tomorrow. I'm sorry.

tealily

AK,

I'm so glad you posted and didn't just hide away. We are here to help not judge or shame you. I venture to say that every one of us has been in the position you are now. I know I have. You are not hopeless. No one is. You can do this, for yourself! It sounds like you have a good plan for how to make changes to help you do this next time.

I also will say I recognize that feeling that drinking is "inevitable". When you feel it next time, say to yourself: No. It's not. It doesn't have to be. I can choose to not drink.

This addiction is powerful. It wants to sweep you away along with it. But you don't have to go along for the ride.

I think it's great that you are so tuned in to your thoughts, your patterns, your vulnerable times. Use all that information to make it work FOR YOU next time.

We are STILL cheering you on. Please pour out what you've got. Don't buy any more. You can do this.

mns1

It took a lot of guts to post like that AK don’t worry we are still cheering you on.

You don’t have to let this undo anything you’ve achieved so far