dwtbd

Who/what is envying the life had with booze?

You are experiencing emotional angst , but where is it really coming from , or where can you put it, yeah?

Do you really miss the thing you never had and will acknowledge(?) wasn't really ever possible?

Or is your Beast actually missing the Fact that you will no longer feed It? Missing the fact you used to serve It its precious stuff whenever it called you to service ?

The Beast uses your own internal vocabulary and emotional range to get You to change your actions, to disregard your own better conscious more rational judgement in order to satiate Its inherent characteristic desire. Its raison d'etre.

It is resentful, envious, sad, frustrated , It also has the ability to make You feel like those are Your emotions and not Its projection.

Throw all that right back on It, recognize the actual source and then laugh like hell at It, sober is as sober does

dwtbd

Imagine you are somehow separated from your family. Unexpectedly called away for a mandatory work trip, or made for tv version of a big city quarantine. You and family are both fine just forcibly separated .

You can communicate with your loved ones via phone/skype whatever , after a certain amount of time you start missing their physical presence , the time shared actually being togehter , yeah , lazy Sunday breakfast, their touch, walks , laughter, and just the mundane yet serene joy of knowing when you go to sleep at night you are altogether under the same roof.

Now imagine the quarantine is unexpectedly lifted, the trip cut short. You are free to get back to your loved ones, you go yeah ? You miss them and go back.

The missing ends because You are free to go back.

You are right now free to drink that wine you miss , yeah ?

But You don't drink. Who /what is not free to get that wine? Who is missing the wine, who/what is no longer ever free to get that precious stuff, Its missing will not end , It is no longer free.

You Don't drink, poor poor Beast misses that, screw IT , good for you . Laugh at Its unfortune, seriously laugh at IT.

lessgravity

Thank you both.

Yeah it's not rational, it's not realistic, I've equated it before with missing an ex-girlfriend who I know is bad for me. Doesn't mean I'd go back to that life in fact in every way I'm happy that I'm not living that life anymore. But! But there are days of moments, where rationality and reality have nothing to do with feelings.

I'm on my way to a beautiful, private beach, going to sit in the setting sun, get in the ocean for a bit. And my compatriots are going to all have rose or champagne in their hands. Not feeling bad, but feeling slightly bad.

Sober is as sober does, however.

Cosima11

These are the times that strengthen your resolve and confidence though. I went to Cali to meet up with my family (who are all drinkers) over the holidays at 2 months sober. Can't say it was fun. Can say after going through that I knew I was gonna make it.

Just get through it, I think you'll leave feeling refreshed and pleased with yourself..

Atlast9999

It’s definitley tough to be stuck with a bunch of drinkers, on a vacation, in the rain. You sound strong in your convictions and that should be celebrated! You’ll make it through this vacation. Enjoy being with your new baby and the beauty of the beach house.

MindfulMan

TBH, I enjoy moments like a private beach at sunset far more sober than I ever did with alcohol.

Stayingsassy

Curses to my first sober summer. It's been as tough as I thought it would be, especially on vacation. I will not lie or sugarcoat it! Yet I am so grateful to be done with drinking. It's strange to be sorting out what sober life is really like, rounding up to a year. I think most of my discomfort is unfamiliarity. What does one do exactly, when 24 hour/3-5 day drunkfests are off the table? I'm figuring that out. next year will be better.

MindfulMan

Tons o shyte Sassy.

I spent most of my first sober summer (I got sober in May of 2017) smoking cigarettes on my front porch. Did some meetings, but the workout and dieting didn't start until I got well into IOP in September.

lessgravity

Thanks again everybody. It's Monday morning and I'm drinking coffee out on the porch. Grey day, light rain. I feel fine, in a way I knew from the moment that I was here that I wasn't going to drink, so not having drank and waking up sober this morning isn't all that revelatory for me.

I have things I need to take care of for work, even though I'm away for a few days. I want to make sure to spend time with my baby and my wife. I'm going to cook up some delicious food. In all, the experience of being around a bunch of people who drink and not drinking was what it was. There was light unrealistic frustration, combined with the demons whispering sweet nothings in my ear. But the truth was I knew that no matter what, I don't drink anymore. And I say that not with reservation, but with some resignation. And I don't think anything's wrong with that either. I don't drink. Like sassy and mindful above or talking about, I just find other things to do with the time that I used to waste getting wasted. It's still a new life for me, but a better life and I'm grateful for it.

PalmerSage

Your plan to cook good food and enjoy yourself sounds absolutely outstanding. If you haven't already, you may want to ease up a bit on the healthy diet, I've been watching my calories lately but I had to re-prioritize when I was at the beach and alcohol cravings started to surface. And even though these rough patches are uncomfortable, I really believe that they always precede some kind of breakthrough in recovery.

lessgravity

Funny that you mentioned the healthy diet. I have abandoned all hope of eating healthy. Haha. And honestly I'm totally fine with it. Eating what I feel to my heart's content, even though I'm going to be pissed at myself when I hit the scale when I'm back from vacation. It's fine by me. Chocolate covered almonds here I come

PalmerSage

Awesome! Please have an ice cream cone with chocolate sprinkles for me, unfortunately I'm back on track food-wise!

lessgravity

I'm back from the beach house and I just had the best feeling in the world tonight, in fact it's flowing through me again. The only thing that I might even have any concern about is that I ate too many of my host's jelly beans. Ha! If this was my drinking life, I'd have snuck booze, hid bottles, swigged off someone else's liquor cabinet - and then I would be home tonight, feeling like trash, anxious and hungover and I would be super stressed about something related to my deceitful drinking - worried that I had forgotten to sneak the empty vodka bottle out of my bedroom, worried that my host might realize half his McCallahan's liter somehow disappeared, worried about what exactly I said at the dinner table, etc etc etc.

Instead I'm left with the simplest, sweetest gift that sobriety brings - f'king peace. There is peace in the valley tonight my friends.

Lots of things to do, work stress bubbling up, I'm pissed I veered so far off my healthy eating - but the realization that I've freed myself from the pain and suffering of the drinking life, and that I have peace this evening, is incredible.

Sober life is the better life. No one is coming to save me.

tekink

I do now but I didn't at 4 months sober. I still hadn't unlearned the drinking part yet.

Fearlessat50

That’s really great to hear! It’s always nice to look back and reflect on how well you handled a situation, how good it feels to be sober and enjoy life in the moment. When I first stopped drinking, the first few non drinking vacations were hard, but strengthened me every time and made the next time easier.