Dee74

For the third day in a row I've had to remove posts.

This is Newcomers Forum
It's meant to be a welcome, safe, nurturing place.

I'm really disappointed by the way some of us are speaking to others lately.

I remember what it was like for me when I first came here - I was scared, I was skittish, and I was downplaying my problems like mad and acting ultra-cool.

I was terrified and I would have taken any chance to say screw SR and screw recovery.

I'm really glad the people who responded to me realised all that and didn't smack me into next week.

Straight talking is sometimes necessary - but you can get some empathy and compassion in there too.

Straight talking is not abusive harrassing bullying or demeaning,

If you're annoyed frustrated judgemental or just plain angry that someones not doing what you feel they should be doing, it's good to acknowledge that and in stead of venting that frustration log off for a whole and leave the posting to other members,

Yes addiction is life and death - its serious stuff...
all the more reason for us to take extra care with the messages we're sending.

SR might be the last strand in someones life-rope

We are meant to all be on the same team.
if we drive people away, are we really helping?

Dee
Moderator
SR

JustTony

I don’t know what was said and by whom but I would like to add the following:

When I first arrived here I was so damaged and had so much self loathing that anything bar 100% support would have felt like I was being stamped on when already bloodied and bruised to within one inch of my life.

In fact I was in so much hurt I was almost spoiling for a fight without even knowing it myself.

Please be kind to new people as they might not see things as clearly as those with some sober time do now.

Let’s remember that we can only give up when we decide to and really want to. No one ever gave up their addiction because someone served them a dose of tough love (well nobody I know ever did).

Best Regards,

JT

Anna

Thank you, Dee.

I'm very disappointed that we have to post this warning again and again. I hope that members read this and take it seriously.

Ladysadie

Well said, Dee. Thank you for reminding us all. I know I hesitate posting at times. Even though this venue is anonymous it can still feel unsafe to be raw and truthful. Some of us may not have any other healthy outlet but SR.

Hevyn

Apparently being kind & empathetic doesn't come natural to some. It can be learned, though. Think twice about what you're saying & how you're saying it.

I agree that in the early days we are fragile - & although I came here seeking advice, I was ready to turn & run at the first sign of harsh criticism. I needed a dose of reality, but not judgment or belittling. I'm so glad I was treated with understanding & respect - otherwise, I would have missed out on the life changing experience that being here has been.

Thank you Dee & Anna.

DarklingSong

Thank you Dee.

thomas11

Amen.

Mireille

I come out of hiding from time to time and feel I have never been anything other than supportive and kind.

I've got terrible anxiety with posting online and when I did yesterday or 2 different threads, I was kind of hoping to help someone.

I instead got not even a thanks from the OP's on both threads. They literally thanked or responded directly to every post but mine.

I can't even say how invisible it makes me feel. Like.....I'm even kinda surprised at how just hurt i am.

anyway....I would of taken a "thanks but not what I was looking for idiot" over .....nothing. My GAD is through the roof and it won't feel good to be here for awhile (again).

(delete if this breaks rules, apology in case it does)

Obladi

I'm sorry this reminder is necessary, but than you for reinforcing the safe and nurturing message. I'm no newcomer, but I still don't always respond well to tough love messages. Understanding and compassion go way further from my perspective.

O

Caralara144

I totally agree
Well said
Cara x

JustTony

Hi Mireille - it’s hard when you put effort into a thoughtful and supportive reply and receive no answers or thanks. I’ve been there on some days and then the next day I post a couple of ideas/comments and get a lot of feedback.

Sometimes it’s just the luck of the drawer.

Ultimately by not seeking support and contributing it could harm your recovery. I hope you continue to post as you benefit the community and we want to support back via way of reciprocation.

Best Regards,

JT

Proud2BeSober

Great post.... I think it is important people realize a lot of these situations are life and death.. People are going to be very sensitive to what others say. Lets spread peace and love, give each other tips on how to beat our addictions and stay positive.

bunnezjp

Dang. I need to drop by here during the week more often.

~Bunnez

gypsytears

The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club.

I’ve been away from SR, sounds like I missed some excitement. Thanks for being the calm within the storm Dee. Glad to be back.

Dee74

I hope you'll keep posting too Mirielle - the posts you made yesterday were good ones

Good to see you back Gyps

D

MindfulMan

Thanks for that Dee.

I've been guilty of taking what I considered blunt just a bit too far. It was a while ago, but I'm more mindful (heh) of the fragile state of the recently sober, particularly in acute withdrawal.

Its a fine line sometimes, to gently point out when someone is in denial or being lead around by their addiction.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I try to imagine how my words are affecting someone who's here and scared and at the end of their rope. When what I said was pointed out to me I had to step back and think.

This is a great place and a great resource, and it's up to all of us to keep it that way.

Keto

I agree, not sure tough love/straight ahooting is going to be of any help when you come here broken

Daisybelle

Thanks Dee

When I came here I was very fragile mentally. S.R is the only support I have and if anyone had been less than kind to me I wouldn't have come back again. I myself try and live by my quote below.

Jim1958

SR is a wonderful place. I have relapsed several times but I come back to SR and find strength. I agree, let's all remember how much someone needs help when they find themselves at the SR newcomers forum.

Horn95

Thanks Dee. Sometimes this is a tough crowd . It is what it is though.