rayna87

So tomorrow is my ‘favorite little brother’s’ birthday (I have 3 cousins I’m very close to who I consider to be brothers, and this one and I have been very close since we were babies). We are having a family BBQ for him at his house tomorrow night. Our entire family will be there. Which sounds awesome, right?

I’m not even worried about the not drinking with them part of it all. My other cousin already invited me out to a bar with all of them tonight, which I respectfully declined. I haven’t come right out and told them all directly that I’m not drinking, but this cousin who invited me out tonight is also the boyfriend of the birthday girl 2 weekends ago, whose party I went to where I was so pleasantly surprised that no one interrogated me about what I was or wasn’t drinking, and when I realized that it’s really not that big of a deal. So I know they don’t care if I don’t drink...they’ve already proved that.

What I’m worried about is WANTING to drink. It’s so irrational on my part, which just makes it even worse. This side of my family is incredible...I moved here just to be closer to them. My “worst” days with them are what I’d consider to be pretty good days with the other side of my family that I moved away from. Yet somehow, my messed up head finds ways to make this a stressful thing! One is very legit...my aunt and her new boyfriend, which is a whole story, and one of the things that set me off on my Memorial Day bender, that I’ve mentioned a few times and that ended with me here quitting. They will be there tomorrow. But there is literally nothing else. My only other female cousin on this side of my family, who I’m not close to at all to begin with, is a little holier than thou, and tends to make sure none of us forget that and how perfect her life is. Whatever? I should be able to tune that out.

I don’t want to be plotting in my head right now where all the bars and liquor stores are between my office and my cousin’s house, since I have about an hour to kill between work and the party tomorrow. I know i don’t need it!! But I wasted probably an hour total of my night tonight just overanalyzing everything about tomorrow. And for absolutely no reason. I always called these people my “real family”. They were always the good guys. So why am i creating stress for myself, that doesn’t exist, just to give me an excuse to drink?? There is only one situation out of all of it that is real anxiety for me (the aunt and he boyfriend), and while not only is that minuscule in the scheme of things....I’ve dealt with that situation head on, with no warning, completely sober before with no problems.

I don’t know what’s up with me, and I’m sorry this was such a random, all over the place, doesn’t make much sense post

Atlast9999

Rayna,

I get it. I too have a big party that I’m hosting this weekend and spent a great deal of time worrying and obsessing about everything that could happen/couldn’t happen, etc. The wise folks on SR helped me to understand that my emotions are at play with this party and that it is my anxiety and my expectations that are getting in the way. I was also reminded that my emotions and my actions are two very separate things. Since receiving all the feedback on this forum, my anxiety levels about this party dropped tremendously.

With that said, I have created several escape plans. I have created a party where my hosting duties will keep me extremely busy. I have been reminding myself daily, sometimes hourly, that my emotions won’t get the best of me and that I have the power to not take the first drink.

You can do this. You will get through this party! I am cheering you on!

AtomicBlue

I really think it’s a good idea in early sobriety to skip some social engagements. Especially if you have a large amount of anxiety and are worried about wanting to drink. Otherwise plan to leave early or have someone with you to be accountable that knows you no longer drink.

rayna87

Thank you so very much! Means a lot to me. Cheering you on at your party too!

rayna87

If it was ANYONE else’s birthday, I would absolutely stay home, especially on a weeknight. But this very important family member of mine has driven hundreds of miles, during some really hard times in his own life, to be there for me. He’s not at all what I’m worried about. I’m worried about the imaginary problems I’m creating in my head, hoping I don’t use those imaginary problems as an imaginary excuse to drink.

Helianthus

Hey Rayna, for me worrying about it just builds it up into a bigger deal than it needs to be plus I'm forced to think about drinking all the time and that's exhausting. Better to think about what you are going to do if you find yourself weakening during the evening, will you make sure you have something available to eat if you start to crave? Will you consider removing yourself from the situation if the cravings get too much? Just have a few options ready just in case

AtomicBlue

That’s great you’re noticing the imaginary problems. It took me a good while to realize I imagine all these dumb scenarios (many negative) that don’t happen 99% of the time. So why waste our mental energy and time thinking these things up right? I just try to catch myself doing it now and tell myself to stop. It can be hard sometimes.

rayna87

My exact thoughts tonight! I was already more exhausted tonight from trying to stop my brain from worrying about drinking, over something that hasn’t even happened yet and that’s not even a big deal to begin with, than I would’ve been from actual drinking. I can surely distract myself with good BBQ food, and everyone in my family knows I don’t hang during the week, even during my heaviest drinking times, weeknights were a hard no for me. So a simple “gotta work tomorrow” should suffice thank you!

rayna87

Exactly. Wasted too much time tonight doing the same thing. Telling myself to stop wasn’t as easy as it sounds :/ thank you for your insight