bringmeback7693

Have you ever met those people that are kind of alcoholic, kind of not?

The ones that, every 6 months or so, have an "episode" of drinking too much and embarrassing themselves, but it's not THAT regular?

The ones that will never say no to a beer, but can seem to stick to 1-2?

The ones that don't chug alcohol, but sip it slowly?

The ones that say "I should drink less," but never seem to do so?


Sometimes I think these are just people who've not hit their bottom yet, but maybe they are just functional alcoholics. Many of these people congratulate me on getting sober, and my initial thought is "yeah, but you should get sober too..."

So what do you think? Should these people get sober, or are they fine to be heavy drinkers forever?

decchemist

It's totally their choice. If alcohol is causing problems for them then they probably should quit. But again, it's up to them.

DreamCatcher17

It is their decision if they are an alcoholic and need to stop or not.
Now, I had friends that drank like me, and I am an alcoholic. DO I think they would have a better life is they chose to be sober? Yes of course! Have they said they are an alcoholic, YES but their partner drinks and they don't think they are able to stop?


I no longer speak to this couple, they were toxic.

I also have a friend who will drink a couple times a month, not get wasted and then once every 6 months or so go overboard and then put the drink down for months, like 7 to 10 months. I do not think he is an alcoholic.

The only person I have ever told they are an alcoholic and they have issues is my MOther, she had 3 DUI's, and has been to AA a few times. You don't go to AA because your life is wonderful and can manage alcohol.

Fearlessat50

I know many people like that. I also know people who started out like that and eventually became full blown alcoholics. Some of these folks got sober, others have tried recovery but have not been able to get off the hamster wheel. I know two people who started out the way you describe. They are dead now. There are those folks out there who will continue to drink moderately throughout life without a problem. Sometimes I think these types never experienced or have yet to experience a major life crisis or adversity to tip the scales into problem drinking. Sometimes I think they are simply a different type of person, and good for them. I try not to question this anymore, and just focus on what is right for me. I was one of those who plugged along as a “normie”drinker until my mid forties when I suddenly had overwhelming post partum depression, post traumatic stress and uncontrollable stressful life circumstances that changed my drinker pattern from a glass of wine to unwind at the end of the day to self medicating to not caring anymore to the point that I could have drank myself into a coffin. I am a strong person. But what I experienced for a long duration was too overwhelming for me to find the resources to cope. The problem is that our society teaches us to cope with life by using alcohol and other substances and generally finding other ways to escape rather than deal with our feelings and life challenges. All it takes is a life crisis or period of stress to tip the scales.

l0nely

My dad things he's one of these people, but despite hitting some pretty heavy lows he thinks he has it in control now.
I dont judge him, I dont criticise him. When he talks about reducing or quitting I try to be supportive and engage with that part of the conversation. But at the moment he hasn't made that decision and thats ok.

bexxed

They do them. I do me.

xo-B

FreeOwl

I was like that for a long time.....

Then suddenly I wasn’t and things got worse and worse.... but my long time ‘success’ helped me argue to myself that I was fine.....

Eventually it became really clear I wasn’t fine.

Everyone is different but my own experience of being the type of person you describe is that was simply an earlier stage of my addictive progression.

VigilanceNow

I think about this a lot, as many of my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances drink in this way. As others have said, it's not for me or anyone other than themselves to decide if it's a problem or not. I drank like this for many years, until the progressive side of alcoholism caught up with me.

That said, I do believe there is a key difference in the alcoholic and the "problem drinker" who occasionally has a few (or a lot) too many. Upon extensive reflection of my own drinking, starting from the first drink I ever had, I can say now that even before it became a very serious problem for me, I had the obsession with it. If I was drinking even one drink, I was either definitely going to get wasted OR if I couldn't for some reason (lack of accessible booze, fear of judgment of others, medication etc), you better believe I was obsessing in my mind about how I wanted more. I could mask it pretty well for a while, but I was not like others who could go out and have a few and then go home and go about their business with no desire for more. I always wanted more and more and more.

Friends of mine who drink socially and occasionally go overboard do the latter maybe ~3/10 times at most. For me, I manage to control myself ~3/10 times if I'm lucky. The majority of the time, I ended up getting plastered.

I sometimes think of it this way: there are those among us who struggle with their diet, some of whom have a full-blown food addiction. These are the kinds of people who end up eating an entire pizza, a full family-size order of fried chicken, an entire birthday cake.... whatever their pleasure is. This is something I would never do.

To put it in perspective: Would I ever in a million years go to a birthday party and be plotting ways to eat the entire birthday cake and all the cupcakes without getting caught? I love cake, but I wouldn't dream of it. No desire. One piece and I'm done.
Have I ever gone to a party or casual social gathering and drank almost all the booze plus swiping a bottle in my purse? Yes, I'm ashamed to say I have done that and would probably do it again if I allowed myself to drink. Talk about insanity!!!!!!!!!

This is the difference for me. Most of it is mental. But I second the above comments stating that really, at the end of the day, only the individual knows if it has become a problem in their lives.

DeeLiz

You know, I recently read a book Almost Alcoholic by Robert Doyle , and after reading this, I thought something similar in terms of the different kinds of alcoholics. Some people don’t quite understand how much of an addiction and controlling substance abuse is. The ones (like myself) that have consider themselves having a problem for years but never wanted to say it out loud can now say it without feeling embarrassed and shame. I am just hoping I can get to saying “I am 20 yrs sober”

Gerard52

I think it is their business not mine.

SoberHoopsFan

Before I quit, I would at times obsess about how other people drank, and how my own drinking compared to theirs. Once I quit let all that go. If someone calls to me and wants help, I'm glad to lend a hand. But otherwise, how others choose to drink, their relationships to alcohol, I just don't get involved. I life a sober life and know the rewards of doing so. Other people need to come to grips with their own relationship to alcohol, I cannot do it for them.

Buckley3

I try not to play the game of projecting on to others what they should and shouldn't do. Of course, I fail at it all the time.

I think for some it's obvious. So I also try to stick to those obvious situations before I'll use straight talk and provide my unqualified opinion.

bunchie

This is a great post, I have come across people that are close to being alcoholic in my eyes , but then they go to a social gathering where imbibing too much would not go over well with the community and nieghbors, whereas I myself would be very uncomfortable and avoid these situations, and go to a place where I could get drunk and not be judged, I think this separates them from me, they can handle social situations where staying sober was the prudent thing to do, I in the other hand being alcoholic would avoid these situations so I could go get drunk.

gypsytears

I wonder what your motive is for asking this. Your examples don’t describe “heavy drinkers” in my opinion.