Trying AA again with an open mind
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 449
Yeah, I don't feel comfortable with AA. I'm in a similar boat to you. I'm going to go to the doctors and see if they can prescribe medication for my cravings. I just think they will tell me I have to also attend a program which I'm not prepared to do due to my anxiety with people. It ends up being way too stressful for me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I think an open mind would be just following suggestions and actually working the program as is suggested by people who you meet who seem to have a good quality sober life. Of course, you don't have to do that at all, but it sounds more to me that youre a lot busier thinking about what you're not prepared to do, short term and long term, than what you ARE prepared to do. And willingness is pretty necessary for any program of recovery. The I-dont-wannas tend not toget us very far. I'm sure you'll have heard 'How it works' read out at meetings and I reckon it states it pretty simply and on-the-button...
Chapter 5
HOW IT WORKS
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are
willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to
be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us.
But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.....
....Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.’’ Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to
progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
There are other options. SMART, Rational Recovery, etc. However, I think all of them will require some commitment. Even if you devise your own program it will require some commitment. There don't tend to be any one-and-your-done programs. If we want to change, then it's going to take some work. Saying that I have no experience with SMART or Rational Recovery, so it's probably worth investigating.
Note that in that How It Works passage it state 'At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way.' WE balked. WE thought we could find an easier, softer way. All of us pretty much, and certainly me myself. Not many people walk in wanting to do real work on their recovery if they can help it. But I've never met anyone yet whose worked them and thought that work wasnt worthwhile. Maybe someone will pipe up here that they did ut and regret it, I dunno, but I've not met anyone yet who wasn't thrilled to have those AA promises come true for them. And they really DO come true. All of em.
Whatever route you decide on, I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Chapter 5
HOW IT WORKS
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are
willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to
be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us.
But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.....
....Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.’’ Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to
progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
There are other options. SMART, Rational Recovery, etc. However, I think all of them will require some commitment. Even if you devise your own program it will require some commitment. There don't tend to be any one-and-your-done programs. If we want to change, then it's going to take some work. Saying that I have no experience with SMART or Rational Recovery, so it's probably worth investigating.
Note that in that How It Works passage it state 'At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way.' WE balked. WE thought we could find an easier, softer way. All of us pretty much, and certainly me myself. Not many people walk in wanting to do real work on their recovery if they can help it. But I've never met anyone yet whose worked them and thought that work wasnt worthwhile. Maybe someone will pipe up here that they did ut and regret it, I dunno, but I've not met anyone yet who wasn't thrilled to have those AA promises come true for them. And they really DO come true. All of em.
Whatever route you decide on, I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by eagle83 
It’s just I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the rooms. Nothing against it for those that it helps. It’s just hard for me to commit to.
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
ive been to 3 meetings in the last year.
there are people that go to meetings with the wrong motive. some live a fear based program- a belief that if they dont go to meetings they will drink again,which= not true.
some go because they traded addictions= not good.
after having been through the steps and having had a spiritual awakening, the only motive for going to meetings should be to help the next sick and/or suffering alcoholic.
even then, when it comes to working with others, the BB says where to find them:
Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals.
not many do that still.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by tomsteve
nowhere in the program does it say that is a necessity. heres a little part of the big book quite a few people miss:
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
ive been to 3 meetings in the last year.
there are people that go to meetings with the wrong motive. some live a fear based program- a belief that if they dont go to meetings they will drink again,which= not true.
some go because they traded addictions= not good.
after having been through the steps and having had a spiritual awakening, the only motive for going to meetings should be to help the next sick and/or suffering alcoholic.
even then, when it comes to working with others, the BB says where to find them:
Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals.
not many do that still.
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
ive been to 3 meetings in the last year.
there are people that go to meetings with the wrong motive. some live a fear based program- a belief that if they dont go to meetings they will drink again,which= not true.
some go because they traded addictions= not good.
after having been through the steps and having had a spiritual awakening, the only motive for going to meetings should be to help the next sick and/or suffering alcoholic.
even then, when it comes to working with others, the BB says where to find them:
Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals.
not many do that still.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I found posting here was pretty good at addressing my fear. It helped me to break it down. If I never raise a glass to my lips, I can never relapse. and not raising a glass to my lips seemed less mountainous that 'staying sober'
the cravings and thoughts got a lot better for me after day 30 - hope you find the same, eagle
D
the cravings and thoughts got a lot better for me after day 30 - hope you find the same, eagle
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I've never formally taken the steps,but I do use them to live by now. When I have questions regarding AA 'stuff',I read/ask around here or call some guys I met in AA and now consider them friends. I can't remember the last meeting I went to,but it's nice to know they are there if I ever need them. Commitment is 100 % vital in recovery no matter what approach you use.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 431
Originally Posted by tomsteve
after having been through the steps and having had a spiritual awakening, the only motive for going to meetings should be to help the next sick and/or suffering alcoholic.
We are social creatures and the fellowship aspect is powerful. An addict can only be truly understood by a fellow addict.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
Originally Posted by tomsteve
nowhere in the program does it say that is a necessity. heres a little part of the big book quite a few people miss:
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
ive been to 3 meetings in the last year.
there are people that go to meetings with the wrong motive. some live a fear based program- a belief that if they dont go to meetings they will drink again,which= not true.
some go because they traded addictions= not good.
after having been through the steps and having had a spiritual awakening, the only motive for going to meetings should be to help the next sick and/or suffering alcoholic.
even then, when it comes to working with others, the BB says where to find them:
Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals.
not many do that still.
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
ive been to 3 meetings in the last year.
there are people that go to meetings with the wrong motive. some live a fear based program- a belief that if they dont go to meetings they will drink again,which= not true.
some go because they traded addictions= not good.
after having been through the steps and having had a spiritual awakening, the only motive for going to meetings should be to help the next sick and/or suffering alcoholic.
even then, when it comes to working with others, the BB says where to find them:
Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals.
not many do that still.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Chiming in to say great job on 30 days.
And, to Tomsteve's post is one to focus on at length. I happen to be one of those few, perhaps, who devote all of my time to recovery first. Primarily emotionally and mentally as it gives me everything else good in my life. Literally, because I lead a recovery group (outside of my AA program, technically) for the restaurant industry, which includes a lot of daily work, mtgs with restaurants, social media handling....all about sobriety and recovery. My other job is in the same restaurant group who founded e recovery group. My whole life has a backdrop of recovery and service...I am beyond fortunate that my husband and I have been able to make some financial decisions that allow me to do this, though we make some swcrifices (like a just us wedding, not our original fifty person plan. I also maintain sponsor and sponsee relations and my sweet spot for mtgs is three to five, right now.
This is my path.
Everyone has their own, which is one of th brilliant parts of AA. The steps are meant to teach you then set you free to have that life the BB promises. Service to others means so many things, whether you're just a thoughtful person who lets the older lady go ahead in the grocery line, to one who makes a small living spending a lot of time in a role like mine.
You have a great start and something that helped me early on was knowing I did not have to figure it out, nor could I, that day. I am two and a half years sober and the life I described took gestation choices, over time.
I'd venture to say continuing to give program a legit shot will reap benefits if you work at it and let yourself grow in it.
Keep with us too!
And, to Tomsteve's post is one to focus on at length. I happen to be one of those few, perhaps, who devote all of my time to recovery first. Primarily emotionally and mentally as it gives me everything else good in my life. Literally, because I lead a recovery group (outside of my AA program, technically) for the restaurant industry, which includes a lot of daily work, mtgs with restaurants, social media handling....all about sobriety and recovery. My other job is in the same restaurant group who founded e recovery group. My whole life has a backdrop of recovery and service...I am beyond fortunate that my husband and I have been able to make some financial decisions that allow me to do this, though we make some swcrifices (like a just us wedding, not our original fifty person plan. I also maintain sponsor and sponsee relations and my sweet spot for mtgs is three to five, right now.
This is my path.
Everyone has their own, which is one of th brilliant parts of AA. The steps are meant to teach you then set you free to have that life the BB promises. Service to others means so many things, whether you're just a thoughtful person who lets the older lady go ahead in the grocery line, to one who makes a small living spending a lot of time in a role like mine.
You have a great start and something that helped me early on was knowing I did not have to figure it out, nor could I, that day. I am two and a half years sober and the life I described took gestation choices, over time.
I'd venture to say continuing to give program a legit shot will reap benefits if you work at it and let yourself grow in it.
Keep with us too!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 431
Originally Posted by brighterday1234
Meetings don’t keep you sober, the 12 steps and the fit spiritual condition that comes from these do. If you live the 12 steps meetings aren’t a necessity.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Respectfully, it doesn't need to be an either/or proposition. I agree with the important premise that meetings don't keep us sober, in and of themselves. I also agree that there are plenty of people who don't find a lot of meetings, regular attendance, etc necessary, per se, for their place in recovery. Know of few, however, who ever consider them optional if their rigorous honesty suggests a touchstone of meetings is the next right choice for their continued sobriety.
Do I literally need a meeting to stay sober today? No. Am i better off, is my life easier, if I go to one today or go to a good number in any given week? You bet.
Ps do I really want to go the one next door (literally) in a few minutes? No, but my schedule this week means it is a good idea to take advantage of it.
Do I literally need a meeting to stay sober today? No. Am i better off, is my life easier, if I go to one today or go to a good number in any given week? You bet.
Ps do I really want to go the one next door (literally) in a few minutes? No, but my schedule this week means it is a good idea to take advantage of it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hey eagle83. I don't currently attend AA but it was very helpful in earlier sobriety; I was also exposed to 12-step programs on my two occasions at inpatient rehab. There are a lot of ideas and wisdom to be found in the rooms and many good people who understand and want to help. I never got a sponsor or formally worked the steps, but I think sobriety is so important that you should try anything to achieve it. I hope you stick around and continue to post.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I've removed posts after some of you disregarded my post above.
If someone has a go at you you have four options - report the post, send them a PM (bearing in mind that people can report PMs as well) ignore them, or if you can't do that use the ignore function.
Firing back at them in a thread does nothing but compound the problem and does nothing to help the OP (original poster).
Dee
Moderator
SR
If someone has a go at you you have four options - report the post, send them a PM (bearing in mind that people can report PMs as well) ignore them, or if you can't do that use the ignore function.
Firing back at them in a thread does nothing but compound the problem and does nothing to help the OP (original poster).
Dee
Moderator
SR
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