ScottFromWI

I became ultra-sensitive to caffeine after quitting. I drank gallons of coffee while I was still drinking alcohol, but for some reason even one cup would send me into near panic mode after I quit - especially the first few months.

Pajanickah

I was only on a binge for like 5 days though..it's just mind boggling. What's happening right now is I'm not being greatful for the things I have in my life - or for the fact I'm even alive. I'm letting this withdrawal mind-rape me and letting all the emotions I kept bottled up over the last month rush in and take a hold of me.

That's why I wanted the medication, so I could come down softly, mentally and physically, then attack my problems at hand when I had landed. Now I'm just bending over and taking it in the @$$ from a withdrawal because: "my vital signs looked good". And I'm a top! XD (At least my humor and wit is coming back.)

I also realized while driving home today that I could have gone to a pretty decent rehab for 90 days with all the money I spent on going to the ER three times (for absolutely nothing) and all the money I spent on alcohol over the last month. $h!t, I spent more on all of that than I did for the car I drive right now. SMH! All because of alcohol. Now ain't that a humbling truth.

I'm not going to drink though, this is however the hardest withdrawal I've mentally had. Let this be a genuine warning to anyone planning on drinking while you're going through it emotionally - Or anyone planning to drink at all. It's not worth it brah.

-Nick

apollo986

I quit drinking coffee and caffeinated tea 3 years ago after having my first panic attack and it made a huge difference. You'll be fine!

Pajanickah

But I love coffee so much and I work 60+ hours a week starting at 5:30am. I'm gonna switch to half-caf or maybe 1/3 -caf haha

firstymer

I love your resolve and determination, Pajanickah. Keep grinding it out. It gets better. You just gotta let in run its course.

How are you feeling?

Pajanickah

I feel a little depersonalization but very calm. It's been like this for two hours now. It always comes at this time of night. A little scared of tonight, but not as much as I have been the past couple nights. I don't feel I'll sleep too well tonight, but I feel I'll get a couple hours.

I can feel my brain becoming a little more normal and rational. I'm coming to terms with my mistakes over the past month, so I'm trying to come to terms and map my way out of them right now.

I've been on SR for almost seven hours today and haven't even turned on the tv. Though I might right now to start my nightly rituals.

So in Layman's terms, I feel less manic.