132 days and frustrated
It's been a while since I posted and feel a little guilty about it. I honestly have felt less compelled to since I don't feel tempted to drink.
Here's what's going on: it's now been 132 days since I had my last drop of alcohol. I was literally just in a bar down the street from me for lunch and some work on my laptop and I just now realized I didn't even consider thinking about ordering a drink. I didn't look at the bottles on the wall or feel any kind of jealousy about the people who were sitting at the bar imbibing. The longer I go, the less interested I am.
The closest I've come is touching a full, cold can of beer that was left outside a gas station a couple days ago. It seems so funny that when I'm most stressed out, the temptations manifest.
Anyway - my problem is that I'm still dealing with some unsettling physical symptoms. I have had flank pain on my right side ever since I stopped and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I've had every kind of imaging and test you can possibly imagine at least twice and they have not found anything.
At this point my general doctor just shrugs and says there's some things we aren't meant to know.
The last few days, the pain seems to be growing. I can feel it in my lower back and wrapping around to my front. The flesh feels hardened just under my skin - like it's scar tissue spreading or something. They say they would have seen that on a CT scan and even if it is that it's NBD anyway. I'm also getting a lot of muscle twitching, particularly in my legs.
I had a second fibroscan recently and it said that I'm below the threshold for fibrosis - was at 3.3, less than half what it was at my first reading, so my liver must be getting better.
I'm just so frustrated by the pain/discomfort and the fact that nobody can tell me what's going on that it brings me to tears some days.
I don't think I'm going to relapse in the near future but if this frustration stretches on and becomes a permanent thing I can see my will-power slipping some day down the line and wanting to drink just to get out of my head and escape the anxiety over my pain.
Yes, I'm aware anxiety could be the cause - my symptoms do get worse when I'm feeling anxious but there's definitely some kind of internal inflammation going on.
I guess I'm curious in finding out if anyone has advice for how to deal with stress outside of the obvious exercise and meditation stuff. I work out 5 days a week and I'm in good shape - it's just very difficult for me to calm down when I'm concerned about my physical health. Please help.