Lipstuck

Happy Sunday (or Monday, I can't even keep up with all the time zones represented here.)
I'm enjoying my 13th day without a hangover, humiliated tears, disappointment in myself (besides over all of the wasted time and money), and regret over not being mentally present for my family.
I am curious though. I am torn between wanting to be vigilant and mindful of situations that the AV can use against me. That being said... I don't want to live my life dreading relapse. That being said, when I feel positive and when I enjoy the feeling of not wanting/needing alcohol, I get scared that it's my AV playing a dirty trick (although I suspect that it's more my own lack of faith in my ability to change). 🙄 How do you find a balance between diligence and not being constantly scared of slipping?

VigilanceNow

Congrats on 13 days, Lipstuck! This is a great question, and I look forward to reading what others with more sober time than me have to say. I have about a month now, and I too still worry about slipping. I'm still hyper-aware that I am not drunk and do not wish to be intoxicated, but sometimes just thinking about it that much feels wrong somehow... I imagine the more sober time we gain, the more sobriety will become part of the norm. I spent so long focusing on looking for my next opportunity to get plastered that it became the status quo for me; even other people would be surprised to see me still conscious and coherent at the end of a night out. I keep reminding myself that changing the norm doesn't happen overnight...

Be123

Great question Lipstuck

I have similar concerns at a similar stage to you. Look forward to answers....

doggonecarl

There's difference between being comfortable in your sobriety--and drinking. There just is. And you'll know it. You should be positive about your sobriety. It's those who are miserable in their sobriety that have reason to fear relapse. That said, If your comfort leads to thoughts of, "I must not be an alcoholic," or "I am doing so good, I should reward myself with a drink..." That's AV

Your diligence can not consist of just not drinking. Recovery is a process that leads to living and loving the sober life. Be diligent in that. The longer you are sober, the more your fear of slipping should subside.

Nonsensical

When I was afraid I might drink again it was a sign I had not yet discovered my happy sober life. Discovering it took a lot of work and was certainly not built in 13 days. Or 13 weeks.

We're not very patient, we alcoholics. We want it to be fixed fast. It doesn't work that way. If it did it wouldn't be nearly so precious.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

least

I became secure in my sobriety when I realized with all my heart that I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. There was no longer a choice about it.

It took me a while to get to this point. But once I reached it, I no longer worried about drinking.

RoverVA

Hi LipStuck, I am on my Day 14, and right there with you. However, I have laid my life to the higher being (God or whoever you may have) about being sober. The work is up to us to continue and it is hard by all means. I don't think about the relapse at all, because I know I don't want to be drunk again, and I don't like who I was in life when I was drinking. Having said that, enjoy one day at a time and do not worry about tomorrow, next week, next month.

Dee74

I kept it simple at first - any thoughts of drinking were a lie. All I had to do w\as not raise that glass to my lips. I could do that.

If I needed to miss a few social engagements or sit with a few uncomfortable feelings then so be it.

Eventually I started working on a sober life I loved - and once I built/found that, I didn't want to run away from it.I have no need to.

D

Maud

Can I suggest reading “ this naked mind” by Annie grace” it’s one of few books that aims at changing your whole mindset to alcohol, sort of like brainwashing you but in a good way lol. AA teaches people that they are in recovery and that they will never be cured and they are destined to a life of willpower and fear because of this. This does the opposite. You are not in recovery you are now a non drinker because your eyes have been open to some facts. Im 41 days alcohol free without a craving or anything after reading this... seriously give it a go!!!

Gerard52

Clearly you do not know anything about AA if you think it advocates a life of will power and fear.

Dee74

No recovery debates please guys.

Take it to PM

Dee
Moderator
SR

Lipstuck

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone!

Lipstuck

Thank you, I'll give it a read! I really appreciated the Allen Carr method, which sounds similar. I just... Don't want to mess this up, more than anything.

August252015

The best way I have found to"not mess up" -which for me means learning how to live a good sober life in recovery - was to start a plan. My program is AA but here are other options for sure. The common thing recovey methods those of us around here use successfully is that we get quipped with how to handle life without alcohol. For me, that is not about fearing it or being scared about life. It's the opposite b cause I have literal, emotional and practical tools to handle life now.

There is a lot of support here, so perhaps r adding the various threads and looking up Dee,s about r covert plans would be helpful.

You can get and stay sober and have a happy life.

lessgravity

Much wisdom above. I learned from many of these very people. My input is that it feels like a gradual shifting of mental sands - from obsessive thinking about Not Drinking, to worrying about never being able to drink again, to worrying about slipping up and drinking again, and then there's a perceptible change - though I can't say when it happened for me (I'm almost 4 months sober, for good) - where the assuredness that I no longer drink, that thoughts of drinking are mere thoughts (which become more infrequent by the day), and where life has truly shifted into a new realm of possibility, peace, chance, calm and all those good things, somehow happened.

The metaphor I was thinking about today is like being stuck on a disgusting, old, broken-down bus that I couldn't get off and kept driving down ugly, shame-ridden, horrid streets for so many years - and sobriety is finally getting off, ending up in this wide open meadow with sunlight, paths to be taken, strolls to be had, places to finally explore rather than just desire.

Rambling thoughts. But I think your questions are the right ones to be asking - and I think asking the right questions, no matter in what part of life, is essential to coming to the better outcome.