Day 1 again
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 67
Day 1 again
It’s day 1 again. I’m hungover and so tired of feeling this way. I’ve tried countless times to quit drinking before but I’m just slowly getting worse.
I find myself constantly giving in to social pressure to drink but I always wind up continuing to drink after others have stopped. I’ve also been blacking out more frequently lately which is scary. I have social anxiety as it is and it’s difficult for me to be the odd one out or the party pooper in a social situation. I already spend a lot of time alone (I work alone from home) so I can’t see myself not meeting friends and family at all or I’d become a complete recluse.
One of the last times I tried to stop, I made it to day 17 and it was largely because of reading SR forums an hour or two everyday. I found it so helpful to hear similar stories, thoughts and feelings and to hear how others have coped with anxiety and succeeded in their sobriety.
I fell off the wagon that time because my mother had come to stay with me and my husband for a few weeks. That’s a whole other anxiety-causing situation in and of itself but she is also grieving the loss of her husband (my stepfather) and dropped a few hints that she was not enjoying drinking alone. She drinks in the evening to help her sleep but only 2 glasses of wine, sometimes 3. I was already at day 12 at that point and was starting to feel great. I lasted another 5 days into the visit until the guilt wore me down but of course a part of me wanted to drink by day 17. My in-laws were also arriving the next day so my nerves were fraying in anticipation of that.
I have always had a problem with asking for help but today I’m making this small change for myself. This morning I asked my husband for help and support in not drinking and he agreed to help me. I also decided to become an active member on SR. This is my first post.
I want to be stronger and I know it’s in me to do it. I will get my recovery plan together and work on it everyday. Thank you SR for the help and direction you have already given me.
For now, my head is throbbing and I think I will drink some water, take a nap and try to go for a walk when I wake up. Looking forward to Day 2.
I find myself constantly giving in to social pressure to drink but I always wind up continuing to drink after others have stopped. I’ve also been blacking out more frequently lately which is scary. I have social anxiety as it is and it’s difficult for me to be the odd one out or the party pooper in a social situation. I already spend a lot of time alone (I work alone from home) so I can’t see myself not meeting friends and family at all or I’d become a complete recluse.
One of the last times I tried to stop, I made it to day 17 and it was largely because of reading SR forums an hour or two everyday. I found it so helpful to hear similar stories, thoughts and feelings and to hear how others have coped with anxiety and succeeded in their sobriety.
I fell off the wagon that time because my mother had come to stay with me and my husband for a few weeks. That’s a whole other anxiety-causing situation in and of itself but she is also grieving the loss of her husband (my stepfather) and dropped a few hints that she was not enjoying drinking alone. She drinks in the evening to help her sleep but only 2 glasses of wine, sometimes 3. I was already at day 12 at that point and was starting to feel great. I lasted another 5 days into the visit until the guilt wore me down but of course a part of me wanted to drink by day 17. My in-laws were also arriving the next day so my nerves were fraying in anticipation of that.
I have always had a problem with asking for help but today I’m making this small change for myself. This morning I asked my husband for help and support in not drinking and he agreed to help me. I also decided to become an active member on SR. This is my first post.
I want to be stronger and I know it’s in me to do it. I will get my recovery plan together and work on it everyday. Thank you SR for the help and direction you have already given me.
For now, my head is throbbing and I think I will drink some water, take a nap and try to go for a walk when I wake up. Looking forward to Day 2.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi OneDay, and good for you for posting this honest thread. Getting totally honest was among the very first steps I took in entering recovery, and man was it a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know what the self-inflicted toss back to Day One feels like: awful, shameful, regretful, etc. Try to replace those feelings with constructive ones, as it seems you are already doing. Think of this as a new beginning, and a new opportunity to get it right.
The biggest thing in formulating your recovery plan of action is to think about what you are going to do differently this time. I'm convinced that was what kept me in alcoholic limbo before; the fact that I kept trying the same simple things that simply hadn't worked before. I urge you to try something new and radical. Asking your husband for help in staying sober is a great start, so why not go further? Maybe show up at an AA meeting and share what you've shared here. You'll be amazed at the support that you'll get, and believe me it is a liberating experience to say it out loud to an objective audience.
Try something new - you have nothing to lose!!
The biggest thing in formulating your recovery plan of action is to think about what you are going to do differently this time. I'm convinced that was what kept me in alcoholic limbo before; the fact that I kept trying the same simple things that simply hadn't worked before. I urge you to try something new and radical. Asking your husband for help in staying sober is a great start, so why not go further? Maybe show up at an AA meeting and share what you've shared here. You'll be amazed at the support that you'll get, and believe me it is a liberating experience to say it out loud to an objective audience.
Try something new - you have nothing to lose!!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi OneDay - I'm so glad you posted & have a strong desire to change your life.
When I found SR I wasn't sure what I was looking for. As I read the stories & suggestions, I knew what I had to do. I wanted the freedom & joy that I read about here. I'd been drinking for decades, always expecting it to bring me happiness & relaxation. In the end, I was completely dependent on it - nothing was enjoyable - I was numb. We think it helps us with anxiety, but it does just the opposite. We need to handle things clear headed. Being foggy accomplishes nothing. Hiding from reality is just a temporary fix - things come back to haunt us if we don't deal with them.
I felt very vulnerable & weak when I first started my journey - but as the days went by I grew stronger, more courageous - and determined. It's wonderful to be free of it. You can do it.
When I found SR I wasn't sure what I was looking for. As I read the stories & suggestions, I knew what I had to do. I wanted the freedom & joy that I read about here. I'd been drinking for decades, always expecting it to bring me happiness & relaxation. In the end, I was completely dependent on it - nothing was enjoyable - I was numb. We think it helps us with anxiety, but it does just the opposite. We need to handle things clear headed. Being foggy accomplishes nothing. Hiding from reality is just a temporary fix - things come back to haunt us if we don't deal with them.
I felt very vulnerable & weak when I first started my journey - but as the days went by I grew stronger, more courageous - and determined. It's wonderful to be free of it. You can do it.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome aboard OneDayOneHour 
This community gave me the strength to be able to withstand being guilted into drinking. My dad loved his father son beers...but he'd stop and I'd go on.
He missed that I know - and the idea of not being able to stop drinking is still alien to him - it also took a while for him to feel ok about drinking in front of me, but he got over it.
Your mom will too.
D
This community gave me the strength to be able to withstand being guilted into drinking. My dad loved his father son beers...but he'd stop and I'd go on.
He missed that I know - and the idea of not being able to stop drinking is still alien to him - it also took a while for him to feel ok about drinking in front of me, but he got over it.
Your mom will too.
D
I hope our support can give you the motivation you need to stay sober for good. 
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 67
Day 2 - I'm here. Last night was long, itchy and sweaty but this morning feels so much better than yesterday. I'm going to try not to think too far ahead because it worries me a little what I'll do when I start feeling stronger. I know in my head I'm not capable of moderation but in the past, I've either tricked myself into believing I can manage it or I've just stopped caring what happens and start to want oblivion again. It's so unhealthy. So for now I'm focusing on today alone and doing things that make me feel productive and healthy - a little work, healthy cooking, housecleaning and staying close to SR. Looking forward to getting through Day 2 and going to bed with a clear head.
VigilanceNow - thank you for your thoughtful advice and support. I was really down yesterday, still am but not as bad, but that really helped. You've given me a lot to think about. I really do need to think about what i can do differently this time to make sobriety stick long term. I'm not sure if I can handle going to AA right now. The thought of going, not knowing what to expect, possibly seeing someone from my neighborhood, makes me anxious but at the same time I realize it could make the difference between drinking again and not drinking so I'm thinking about it.
JustTony, trytorun, least, bexxed - thanks for your support and for being welcoming.
Hevyn - I agree so much with what you said. I crave that freedom and joy too and I realize i do have some control over it, not total but some. I can choose not to drink and eliminate a lot of misery just by doing that. Alcohol just makes everything worse. It's always been easier for me to just avoid things or just be an observer and it's a problem in that I don't confront stuff enough. I'm so introverted, it's hard for me to find the right balance between actually living life and just sitting on the sidelines in a place of comfort where nothing ever changes for the better.
Dee74 - thank you for your thoughts and support. You're right, I just need to make drinking a no-go zone for me and other people will adapt. I have to get comfortable that it may cause some awkward moments in the beginning. This would naturally be a reason for me to drink in the past (any little thing). Someone used the phrase 'sober muscles' in the forums which I hadn't heard before but it fits perfectly. I really need to build my sober muscles.
VigilanceNow - thank you for your thoughtful advice and support. I was really down yesterday, still am but not as bad, but that really helped. You've given me a lot to think about. I really do need to think about what i can do differently this time to make sobriety stick long term. I'm not sure if I can handle going to AA right now. The thought of going, not knowing what to expect, possibly seeing someone from my neighborhood, makes me anxious but at the same time I realize it could make the difference between drinking again and not drinking so I'm thinking about it.
JustTony, trytorun, least, bexxed - thanks for your support and for being welcoming.
Hevyn - I agree so much with what you said. I crave that freedom and joy too and I realize i do have some control over it, not total but some. I can choose not to drink and eliminate a lot of misery just by doing that. Alcohol just makes everything worse. It's always been easier for me to just avoid things or just be an observer and it's a problem in that I don't confront stuff enough. I'm so introverted, it's hard for me to find the right balance between actually living life and just sitting on the sidelines in a place of comfort where nothing ever changes for the better.
Dee74 - thank you for your thoughts and support. You're right, I just need to make drinking a no-go zone for me and other people will adapt. I have to get comfortable that it may cause some awkward moments in the beginning. This would naturally be a reason for me to drink in the past (any little thing). Someone used the phrase 'sober muscles' in the forums which I hadn't heard before but it fits perfectly. I really need to build my sober muscles.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
Congratulations on day 2!
You sound very similar to me. I've finally committed to sobriety, but prior to this I was just 'testing' being sober to see if I could moderate after a long break. It turns out I can only moderate on some occasions, not all, which means I cannot drink at all in order to avoid those situations where I slip up. I'd rather give up entirely than risk the perpetual slip ups.
As you have said, keeping close to this forum and hearing similar stories helps a great deal. Just reading stories here was enough for me to totally reevaluate my drinking behavior.
Don't worry about the social side of things. Not drinking and your health are a LOT more important than the social pressure. You'll find people care about your sobriety a lot less than you think. Last week I went for a meal with a large group and even though they did ask why I wasn't drinking, they were completely satisfied with my answer and that was that. I've also noticed that when I'm sober, I'm now aware that everyone else is drinking a lot less than I was when I was drinking.
(I parted ways with the company I worked for in January and have been working on my art portfolio at home ever since, so I understand how you feel about being alone. Also I'm a Brit living in the USA so I don't know many people at all. That said, right now being sober is my main focus and all the social gatherings I go to sober simply get easier and easier as I get used to being sober at them)
You sound very similar to me. I've finally committed to sobriety, but prior to this I was just 'testing' being sober to see if I could moderate after a long break. It turns out I can only moderate on some occasions, not all, which means I cannot drink at all in order to avoid those situations where I slip up. I'd rather give up entirely than risk the perpetual slip ups.
As you have said, keeping close to this forum and hearing similar stories helps a great deal. Just reading stories here was enough for me to totally reevaluate my drinking behavior.
Don't worry about the social side of things. Not drinking and your health are a LOT more important than the social pressure. You'll find people care about your sobriety a lot less than you think. Last week I went for a meal with a large group and even though they did ask why I wasn't drinking, they were completely satisfied with my answer and that was that. I've also noticed that when I'm sober, I'm now aware that everyone else is drinking a lot less than I was when I was drinking.
(I parted ways with the company I worked for in January and have been working on my art portfolio at home ever since, so I understand how you feel about being alone. Also I'm a Brit living in the USA so I don't know many people at all. That said, right now being sober is my main focus and all the social gatherings I go to sober simply get easier and easier as I get used to being sober at them)
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Join Date: Aug 2018
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Thank you, NerfThis, I can really relate to what you said too. The occasions I wasn't able to moderate were really piling up and half the times I considered myself to have been moderate, another person would probably disagree. My record shows that most of the time I can't control my drinking and I wind up blacking out and losing the next day (or two). Ultimately, it'll just be safer to quit completely. Unfortunately, it's taken me about 15 years of hard drinking to truly believe this but I'm glad to be here now. My 40th birthday is coming up next month and if I continue on this path I'll be six weeks sober at that point. The closest I've come to that length of sobriety was a month about 5-6 years ago. I don't want to overwhelm myself with worries about the future but this is one goal I really want to make for myself.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Originally Posted by OneDayOneHour 
Thank you, NerfThis, I can really relate to what you said too. The occasions I wasn't able to moderate were really piling up and half the times I considered myself to have been moderate, another person would probably disagree. My record shows that most of the time I can't control my drinking and I wind up blacking out and losing the next day (or two). Ultimately, it'll just be safer to quit completely. Unfortunately, it's taken me about 15 years of hard drinking to truly believe this but I'm glad to be here now. My 40th birthday is coming up next month and if I continue on this path I'll be six weeks sober at that point. The closest I've come to that length of sobriety was a month about 5-6 years ago. I don't want to overwhelm myself with worries about the future but this is one goal I really want to make for myself.
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OneDay - I'm an introvert too. For a time, the comfort alcohol gave me seemed like an answer. I never dreamed it would overtake my whole life. I'm happy you're much younger than I was when I finally took action. You won't have the terrible regrets many of us have. Congrats on your Day 2.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 449
Hi Oneday. It's great to see you post as I'm on day one nursing an excruciating hangover too. I struggle with SA also. It doesn't make life any easier does it? The very thing that gives you comfort (social situations) is the thing that we fear and avoid. Glad you have took the step to seek help though. I'm hoping tomorrow I'm feel less hungover and anxious to go out as sitting in with nothing to do drives me nuts. I'm pretty sure that I didn't upset the neighbours as I can vaguely remember each time I got in the house and I think I just collapsed on my bed when I got in. I'm like you and absolutely fed up of waking up feeling like this though. Fingers crossed for both of us
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Join Date: Feb 2018
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Originally Posted by OneDayOneHour
I don't want to overwhelm myself with worries about the future but this is one goal I really want to make for myself.
Many people on this board have mentioned this and it sticks with me: It's a lot easier for us to avoid alcohol all together than it is to try to moderate. There will be time in the future where your head is feeling super clear and you feel like you can have a nice glass of wine or whatever on a summer's evening and be fine. The problem is that this will inevitably lead to other occasions where you binge and forget what happened over the past three days.
Just take it one day at a time. Think about spending each day sober, rather than daunting yourself by thinking about the days ahead.
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Originally Posted by Lonewolf22
Hi Oneday. It's great to see you post as I'm on day one nursing an excruciating hangover too. I struggle with SA also. It doesn't make life any easier does it? The very thing that gives you comfort (social situations) is the thing that we fear and avoid. Glad you have took the step to seek help though. I'm hoping tomorrow I'm feel less hungover and anxious to go out as sitting in with nothing to do drives me nuts. I'm pretty sure that I didn't upset the neighbours as I can vaguely remember each time I got in the house and I think I just collapsed on my bed when I got in. I'm like you and absolutely fed up of waking up feeling like this though. Fingers crossed for both of us
I feel your day 1 pain. Mine is still very fresh and I can't wait for it to be far in the rearview. As horrible as day 1 is though, it's worth it to get through it and you will feel that much better tomorrow. I'm just glad we both have the desire to start again.Living with social anxiety is definitely no fun. Sometimes when I observe how easily other people can interact and make each other laugh, I feel like I'm from another planet. Is it just a gene I didn't get? Or maybe just a not-so-great gene that I did get. I didn't make it out of the house yesterday but I did go out today for an hour's walk and that helped. Even though I didn't talk to anybody, just breaking the pattern of staying inside will hopefully make it easier for tomorrow to take another step in the right direction, however small. If I let a pattern like that take hold when I'm feeling down, even the thought of interacting with a supermarket cashier can keep me indoors for days at a time and that definitely won't help.
Sending you strength, from one lone wolf to another.
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Originally Posted by Hevyn
OneDay - I'm an introvert too. For a time, the comfort alcohol gave me seemed like an answer. I never dreamed it would overtake my whole life. I'm happy you're much younger than I was when I finally took action. You won't have the terrible regrets many of us have. Congrats on your Day 2.
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Join Date: Aug 2018
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Thanks NerfThis - Not listening to those negative voices in my head is really a struggle for me at times but I will definitely try to slow it down and not get ahead of myself. I'm so grateful that SR exists and that people like you and everyone who posts here take the time to share what they've learned. It's truly an amazing place.
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You're doing great, OneDayOneHour. I was genuinely moved reading your original post. Glad you made the SR scene, great having you here! It's amazing what we can do when we set our minds on something and keep it there.
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