I have spent my Birthday weekend sober!
 

Hello all!

I joined SR in February almost immediately after Dry January (abstaining from alcohol for the month of January) as I was reaching out in regards to my perpetual Friday- Sunday/Monday binge drinking cycle. This was most weekends and usually triggered by going out with friends on a Friday or Saturday and partying. I'd wake up hungover on Saturday (or Sunday) and drink to get rid of that feeling, which of course brought on the crippling anxiety attacks and regret on a Monday. It has gone on for a few years.

After joining SR I took a break from alcohol which lasted 3 weeks. I then met with friends for a Birthday and as expected, drank to excess, then drank the next day to get rid of the crippling hangover.

Next was a 9 week break. A break until my husband's Birthday. I did this with a house full of booze (I have an area dedicated to Tiki glasses with a bar sign and a LOT of rum which is my favourite drink) and had no problem at all. My husband was drinking in front of me in the house on weekends, he'd drink when we went for dinner. We went for brunch and he'd drink. I had no problem abstaining (he is NOT an alcoholic. I'm just pointing out that while abstaining, I still had alcohol around me and being consumed in front of me)

After the 9 week break (including NOT drinking at husband's large Birthday gathering in a classy cocktail joint in the city despite my anxiety about social situations) I reintroduced alcohol and drank in moderation. Only on weekends (I never drink in the week any way) and only a glass or two.

Last weekend I did not moderate. I went to a house party with my friends and drank to excess. I then drank on Saturday at home to kill the hangover, but drank to excess and ended up sleeping on the sofa all day on Sunday (thankfully the previous break from booze meant I wasn't capable of drinking again on Sunday) Last weekend clarified that I cannot consistently moderate. I am still capable of drinking to excess, therefore I've finally committed to not drink again.

Last Wednesday I went to a meal organized by my husband for his team members and their partners. The company was paying and the booze was in full flow. I stuck to water. People asked me why I wasn't drinking and I told them I'd had a break, as alcohol was having an impact on my gym and fitness in general. After the break I went back to drinking and simply didn't enjoy it any more. People seemed completely satisfied with that answer.

Friday was my 35th Birthday. I went for dinner by the river and a really fun Burlesque cruise with my husband. We even went to one of my favourite rum bars. My husband had a rather nice looking cocktail and I had cranberry juice. Yesterday we went to see a fantastic play on Broadway. It's my first birthday in YEARS that I haven't had alcohol.

Today I feel great. I did 6.5 miles on the cross trainer/elliptical, then lifted weights. I popped to Starbucks and got a frappucino. This time last weekend I was asleep on the sofa.

I have learned that although I can easily moderate on most occasions, I am still at risk of excess when drinking with friends which then bleeds into my weekends at home. It's partially due to my anxiety in social gatherings. I have an hour or two feeling unbearably nervous and sick before I go to meet people. Overthinking how it's going to be, what stupid things I'll say, will I be super quiet and boring. Drink usually relaxes me in those social situations. I've been so used to using drink to deal with social interaction that I've forgotten I can do it without alcohol (The big meal last week plus the big party for my husband's Birthday proved this)

Today is day 7 for me with a fair few sober months prior to this. I can count on one hand how many times I've been hungover this year. (last year I'd need two hands to count the hangovers in just one month)

SR and the members here really helped me to reevaluate my drinking habits and understand that I have a problem. It may not be every occasion, but the fact it happens on some occasions means it's a problem and the only way to tackle the problem is to not drink at ANY occasion, even the ones I easily moderate. I'm sure this board has been and will continue to be a life saving place for many people.

I have learned that although I can easily moderate on most occasions,

And there it is. If you could moderate it would be on all occasions. Great that youve got to that place and how nice to celebrate a birthday sober. Chuffed for you. Happy Birthday. X

yep - thats exactly it. :)
welcome back :)

D

Yeah, not drinking at all is actually easier than moderating for us alcoholics. I'm glad you recognize that you want to live a sober life.

Congratulations, welcome back, and happy birthday!

Nerfthis, thank you that was a very interesting post and describes the dilemma many of us face. You seem to be quite fortunate that with a bit effort you can be alcohol free in a variety of situations. That is a good skill and in time will become second nature.

The question of whether I can or cannot drink again is a big one that recurs to me. I know I can't and need to stay on top of that.

Thank you all!

soberista- Thank you x .You are absolutely right. I either have perfect control, or I plunge into no control. The easiest way to handle that is to never drink!

Dee74- This board, the comments yourself and others make have been absolutely vital in me understanding that I need to abstain entirely. I know you will help a great many more people!

Anna- Yep! I find abstaining SO much easier than trying to avoid binge drinking with friends and drinking the next day.

bexxed- Thank you! I'll be sticking close to these forums as they've been of such great help to me.

Gerard52- Thank you. If you are not rock bottom then it's actually a tough thing to come to terms with (The fact you should never drink again) It's such a big part of our lives and it's hard to imagine life without it. My problem was that I was noticing it was getting worse and becoming aware of my lack of control in some situations. I joined these boards and found MANY people with identical situations to me. I am fortunate in that I don't suffer anything like withdrawal when I quit and I don't crave alcohol. It's just that once I start drinking in a social situation, I can't stop. I know that it can only get worse, not better. I tried to make it better and moderate, but have proved that doesn't work for me. trying to moderate comes with many risks, but not drinking at all comes with absolutely none. Stick close to these forums and I'm confident you'll find it easier and easier to accept a sober life.