Does it really keep getting better?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 230
I do not know yet when its get better as i m early stages but its not worse ... there is a saying i like by guitting i closed the gate to hell although gates to paradise are not still open ... recovery as people say it is a long hardous process but this is the only way ... j think with support of family its easier ... hard if you are doing alone ... but there are places like SR ... and i go to AA to mix with like minded people or call a friend ... it is better for me as ..as much i can be anxious or depressed i can choose the way how to deal with emotion ... walk the street with respect ... while if i drink i d be locked in the house crying and not being able to function as alcohol brings me nothing but misery and awful guilt , despair , depression worse than sadness i expierience when sober so keep on going ... the gate to paradise one they open ... i know it in my heart xxxD
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Yes it does. Nothing is to be gained from being an addict. It's not how life should be lived.
There will be ups and downs, and suffering is guaranteed for all of us. But giving in to our addiction to alcohol is a waste of the only life we have. That's the bottom line.
There will be ups and downs, and suffering is guaranteed for all of us. But giving in to our addiction to alcohol is a waste of the only life we have. That's the bottom line.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by snitch 
Thanks for this thread. At 3 and a half months sober struggling today and this is what I needed.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
At first the 'things getting better' just passively happened. Rather like my hand feels better when I stop hitting it with the hammer. 
That only got me so far, as it leveled off in a few months. But, being sober puts me in a position to make my life better.
I seize that opportunity, and do.
That only got me so far, as it leveled off in a few months. But, being sober puts me in a position to make my life better.
I seize that opportunity, and do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 317
Nonsensical, you hit the nail on the head with that one. Very well put. I agree. After three weeks of sobriety, I'm just beginning to do things that make my life better rather than just stopping what made me feel like cr*p. Great post.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
When I went to rehab, they had a placard on the wall of the main meeting room. What it said seemed to be ridiculously optimistic to me when I first read it. In time, I was told that these were the ninth step promises from AA's big book.
After leaving rehab I reluctantly started going to AA meetings, despite the aversion of becoming one of those poor souls who had to spend their days in church basements drinking bad coffee to avoid drinking again. Then I got a sponsor, who walked me through the steps and explained them and the principles of the program. In the years since, I have come to see that these promises are just that - promises... predicated upon my willingness to work the steps every day, and to remain teachable when life throws me curveballs.
These are the ninth step promises, which can be found on page 83 & 84:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among
us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
After leaving rehab I reluctantly started going to AA meetings, despite the aversion of becoming one of those poor souls who had to spend their days in church basements drinking bad coffee to avoid drinking again. Then I got a sponsor, who walked me through the steps and explained them and the principles of the program. In the years since, I have come to see that these promises are just that - promises... predicated upon my willingness to work the steps every day, and to remain teachable when life throws me curveballs.
These are the ninth step promises, which can be found on page 83 & 84:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among
us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I didn’t respond to this when I saw it at first because I don’t like expectations and I think that the point is, you can’t have any. Life is still life, and thus still has ups and downs. So, expect that. But there are some really good responses here and, as SR goes, this has turned into a really good conversation.
The vain part of me was really looking forward to stopping drinking, and six months later, I would be a babe. All the alcohol I wasn’t drinking would mean weight would fall off of me, I would be an overnight magically gorgeous and smarter person.
That was instant gratification, addict thinking and expecting on my part.
It’s like those memes, the ones that say “what I think my job is going to be like, what my friends think I do, what my parents think I do, what my boss thinks I do, what I actually do” - in a way. Hopefully you’ve seen those or you’ll have no idea what I’m talking about, hahaha.
It depends on who you are and what you put into it.
But, there are some things, all small things, and over time they add up, and become part of you, and you have to do the work so they happen.
I never drive with a fear of killing someone or getting a dui anymore. I rarely drove drunk, I thought.... except, now that I think about it, I always did. That’s a nasty little alcoholic lie I told myself.
I never wake up with an internal assessment of how hung over am I, can I go to work today, if I can is it going to suck, uh oh what did I say on Facebook last night, did I call anyone, did I text anyone, did I buy anything, etc.
I’m now at the point where alcohol in social situations doesn’t control me anymore. Thanks to the people here, I took my time on that one. I saw many people, myself included, Time after time in early sobriety (by which I mean the first year, not the first three days) try to white knuckle through alcohol events and ultimately fail. When I started to be really solid with myself as a person who just intrinsically doesn’t drink, when it became second nature not to, I was able to be around normies again. I don’t hang around alcoholics drinking because that’s just not fun.
Which brings me to - what is fun has changed. Walking my dog is fun. Caring for my house is fun. My work is fun. Road trips are fun. Coffee shops are fun. Art projects are fun. Playing my guitar is fun. Grounded conversations with friends are fun. Reading mystery novels is fun. Waking up early and baking a surprise batch of cookies for my coworkers on a random Tuesday is fun.
Slowly, I realized that alcoholism is studded with drama that’s gone now. Dramatic outbursts of anger, sadness, excessive praise, overexuberence, etc. Really. I’m a passionate person and always will be, but some of that stuff is just over the top and much of it is... not real. When your life is revolved around alcohol much of it is inauthentic. It’s what happens when your feelings are scripted by a substance.
I’m a week or so away from two years in. I am down almost 50 pounds now but I’m not a babe (yet!) I’m taking on more responsibilities at work, am getting promoted, I’m more thoughtful, dependable, rational, and reasonable, I’m healthier, and I have more money. I work late sometimes and drive home at bar hours, past cops, all the time. The other day I found myself thinking, poor guy, there’s not a coffee place open near here, and he’s just parked watching to protect us from idiots. (?!?!?!?) I can’t imagine old bexxed being anything but terrified, gripping the wheel, wondering what the speed limit was, closing one eye to make sure I stayed in the lines.
I wake up rested most days and go outside in the morning sun to drink coffee and throw the ball for my dog, then we go for a long walk. I do wear sunglasses, my eyes were always just light sensitive as it turns out, but there’s no throbbing headache anymore, unless, of course, I’m coming down with something.
So it comes down to being alive. This is what being alive is for me, now. I hear it gets better. I don’t know what that’s like because I’ve never been five, ten, twenty years sober. I’ve only been almost two years sober. But I do know what it’s like to not be sober. I know what day one feels like and it took many, many day ones to get to day seven hundred and whatever this day is. There’s a lot I don’t know. I don’t know where we go when we die, I don’t know how astrophysics works, or how to fold a fitted sheet. But I know that drinking is worse, and day zero is a place I never want to be again. Fortunately, it’s up to me. xoxo
In Gratitude
bexxed
The vain part of me was really looking forward to stopping drinking, and six months later, I would be a babe. All the alcohol I wasn’t drinking would mean weight would fall off of me, I would be an overnight magically gorgeous and smarter person.
That was instant gratification, addict thinking and expecting on my part.
It’s like those memes, the ones that say “what I think my job is going to be like, what my friends think I do, what my parents think I do, what my boss thinks I do, what I actually do” - in a way. Hopefully you’ve seen those or you’ll have no idea what I’m talking about, hahaha.
It depends on who you are and what you put into it.
But, there are some things, all small things, and over time they add up, and become part of you, and you have to do the work so they happen.
I never drive with a fear of killing someone or getting a dui anymore. I rarely drove drunk, I thought.... except, now that I think about it, I always did. That’s a nasty little alcoholic lie I told myself.
I never wake up with an internal assessment of how hung over am I, can I go to work today, if I can is it going to suck, uh oh what did I say on Facebook last night, did I call anyone, did I text anyone, did I buy anything, etc.
I’m now at the point where alcohol in social situations doesn’t control me anymore. Thanks to the people here, I took my time on that one. I saw many people, myself included, Time after time in early sobriety (by which I mean the first year, not the first three days) try to white knuckle through alcohol events and ultimately fail. When I started to be really solid with myself as a person who just intrinsically doesn’t drink, when it became second nature not to, I was able to be around normies again. I don’t hang around alcoholics drinking because that’s just not fun.
Which brings me to - what is fun has changed. Walking my dog is fun. Caring for my house is fun. My work is fun. Road trips are fun. Coffee shops are fun. Art projects are fun. Playing my guitar is fun. Grounded conversations with friends are fun. Reading mystery novels is fun. Waking up early and baking a surprise batch of cookies for my coworkers on a random Tuesday is fun.
Slowly, I realized that alcoholism is studded with drama that’s gone now. Dramatic outbursts of anger, sadness, excessive praise, overexuberence, etc. Really. I’m a passionate person and always will be, but some of that stuff is just over the top and much of it is... not real. When your life is revolved around alcohol much of it is inauthentic. It’s what happens when your feelings are scripted by a substance.
I’m a week or so away from two years in. I am down almost 50 pounds now but I’m not a babe (yet!) I’m taking on more responsibilities at work, am getting promoted, I’m more thoughtful, dependable, rational, and reasonable, I’m healthier, and I have more money. I work late sometimes and drive home at bar hours, past cops, all the time. The other day I found myself thinking, poor guy, there’s not a coffee place open near here, and he’s just parked watching to protect us from idiots. (?!?!?!?) I can’t imagine old bexxed being anything but terrified, gripping the wheel, wondering what the speed limit was, closing one eye to make sure I stayed in the lines.
I wake up rested most days and go outside in the morning sun to drink coffee and throw the ball for my dog, then we go for a long walk. I do wear sunglasses, my eyes were always just light sensitive as it turns out, but there’s no throbbing headache anymore, unless, of course, I’m coming down with something.
So it comes down to being alive. This is what being alive is for me, now. I hear it gets better. I don’t know what that’s like because I’ve never been five, ten, twenty years sober. I’ve only been almost two years sober. But I do know what it’s like to not be sober. I know what day one feels like and it took many, many day ones to get to day seven hundred and whatever this day is. There’s a lot I don’t know. I don’t know where we go when we die, I don’t know how astrophysics works, or how to fold a fitted sheet. But I know that drinking is worse, and day zero is a place I never want to be again. Fortunately, it’s up to me. xoxo
In Gratitude
bexxed
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by bexxed
So it comes down to being alive. This is what being alive is for me, now. I hear it gets better.
...
In Gratitude
...
In Gratitude
The closing line is really important too, it's a chicken/egg thing about 'good' sobriety: learning to be grateful for another sunrise becomes a part of who we are. It becomes a force behind our choices, and we come to see that not drinking is not enough - we need to do something with the gift of our days. Having gotten sober in Dec 2009, I can speak to years 3-8... I have made more friends than I ever had before, my career is exciting, I went back to college at 52, and most amazing and humbling of all: I got married for the first time to a truly fabulous woman at the ripe old age of 49.
Thanks for a great post bexxed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle
I have never heard someone say "I wish I had never gotten sober - my life sucks now."
What an inspiration years 3-8 are! So grateful to be moving in that direction. Being alive is a precious gift. Congratulations! ... and thank you.
-B
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
