Her tipping point?
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Join Date: Aug 2018
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Her tipping point?
I hope this is the right forum for this.
As the story goes my girlfriend is an alcoholic. We have been together 10 yrs.
It took some time after a recent shift change at work for me to start seeing this pattern of drinking. On my old shift I would come home to her sleeping, this would be at 11pm or so which never really threw up any red flags. It wasn't until my days off where I would see this drinking pattern begin, daily wine by the 4pack x2 or some shooters plus wine upon her getting home from work.
As I began to suspect the problem was worse than simply drinking some because of stresses at her job, I began to research and learn. This website many said to watch and learn and much would start to become clearer, which it has. Over the course of the summer I began suggesting she cut back on her drinking ( before I knew where she was really at with it). I had a few very serious conversations with her where I had expressed my concern, to which she agreed she would try to reduce her intake. Again this was before I really new I had NO power of persuasion, but rather all I can do was not enable, but be supportive of the help she had eventually began to seek. time goes on I was learning that this issue was greater than her making poor drinking decisions, and as the conversations got more serious, she acknowledged that she does have a drinking problem.
Her immediate self effort to seek help was by attending a few AA meetings, and I believe this had given her a bit more of a boost in bringing the severity of her drinking to light.
The drinking continued daily as usual, after work nightly, ordering more than what she came home with. As this issue has been on her mind, she scheduled an appointment with a therapist to discuss her options on getting further help. After this recent consultation she reached out to her father, whom has gone through outpatient for alcohol, and we sat down the other day to go over things and talk about future steps in getting help. This went well and she has been starting to seek help/ learning about her drinking. She has a second consultation on the 14th with another facility to discuss what her best course of action is, her choices for a rehab program. She alone has sought out this help. We are simply supporting.
This am I get a call at work that I need to get home because she needs to go to urgent care, she fell and hit her head, but this was all realized after she woke up in bed with blood on the sheets and a split temple. Before the night took off she had called her mother to inform her that she has a drinking problem and she is taking steps to enter rehab.
Her mother drove over this am, we are waiting for urgent care to open and she says this has been the tipping point to start sobriety. This has really rattled her cage on how much she needs to get into a program.
I apologize if this has been over hastily written and a bit hard to read, I'm still soaking this event in. I'll clear up more after re reading this later.
I'm posting here to tell my story and listen to anything you all might feel compelled to respond to.
Priority one is supporting my girlfriend in getting the help she needs because first and foremost that is all that matters. Her family is now aware, which was a great step for her. I believe she truely is on path for getting into rehab. I understand this is on her, and her alone to do. I hope this is the beginning of her bettering her health.
As the story goes my girlfriend is an alcoholic. We have been together 10 yrs.
It took some time after a recent shift change at work for me to start seeing this pattern of drinking. On my old shift I would come home to her sleeping, this would be at 11pm or so which never really threw up any red flags. It wasn't until my days off where I would see this drinking pattern begin, daily wine by the 4pack x2 or some shooters plus wine upon her getting home from work.
As I began to suspect the problem was worse than simply drinking some because of stresses at her job, I began to research and learn. This website many said to watch and learn and much would start to become clearer, which it has. Over the course of the summer I began suggesting she cut back on her drinking ( before I knew where she was really at with it). I had a few very serious conversations with her where I had expressed my concern, to which she agreed she would try to reduce her intake. Again this was before I really new I had NO power of persuasion, but rather all I can do was not enable, but be supportive of the help she had eventually began to seek. time goes on I was learning that this issue was greater than her making poor drinking decisions, and as the conversations got more serious, she acknowledged that she does have a drinking problem.
Her immediate self effort to seek help was by attending a few AA meetings, and I believe this had given her a bit more of a boost in bringing the severity of her drinking to light.
The drinking continued daily as usual, after work nightly, ordering more than what she came home with. As this issue has been on her mind, she scheduled an appointment with a therapist to discuss her options on getting further help. After this recent consultation she reached out to her father, whom has gone through outpatient for alcohol, and we sat down the other day to go over things and talk about future steps in getting help. This went well and she has been starting to seek help/ learning about her drinking. She has a second consultation on the 14th with another facility to discuss what her best course of action is, her choices for a rehab program. She alone has sought out this help. We are simply supporting.
This am I get a call at work that I need to get home because she needs to go to urgent care, she fell and hit her head, but this was all realized after she woke up in bed with blood on the sheets and a split temple. Before the night took off she had called her mother to inform her that she has a drinking problem and she is taking steps to enter rehab.
Her mother drove over this am, we are waiting for urgent care to open and she says this has been the tipping point to start sobriety. This has really rattled her cage on how much she needs to get into a program.
I apologize if this has been over hastily written and a bit hard to read, I'm still soaking this event in. I'll clear up more after re reading this later.
I'm posting here to tell my story and listen to anything you all might feel compelled to respond to.
Priority one is supporting my girlfriend in getting the help she needs because first and foremost that is all that matters. Her family is now aware, which was a great step for her. I believe she truely is on path for getting into rehab. I understand this is on her, and her alone to do. I hope this is the beginning of her bettering her health.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by Abetterwaytt 
I hope this is the beginning of her bettering her health.
But please don't neglect taking care of yourself, even in this time of great distress. You will need all your strength to deal with whatever happens next. Stick around, and if you like, come join us on the Friends & Family of Alcholics forum:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Wishing you strength and clarity in the days ahead.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
This probably won't be what you want to hear, but I think its important to be aware of it. You are doing the right thing by supporting her but keep in mind that even after rehab, detox or treatment she may relapse and be back at square one. It happens. People do go back to drinking even after professional help.
On the other hand, if she goes through treatment and remains sober, she may very likely become a completely different person and the relationship may not make it. It happens. Its just my opinion but an alcoholic entering sobriety is a MAJOR life change. It changes us as a person, we view things differently. Hopefully everything will be hunky dory, but be aware of some realistic scenarios.
On the other hand, if she goes through treatment and remains sober, she may very likely become a completely different person and the relationship may not make it. It happens. Its just my opinion but an alcoholic entering sobriety is a MAJOR life change. It changes us as a person, we view things differently. Hopefully everything will be hunky dory, but be aware of some realistic scenarios.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
Hi I’ve been married for almost 11 years, and my husband acted very similarly to you. We are happy today. Your girlfriend is doing all the right things, and acted very similarly to me. Yet from the time I started trying to get better to the time when it finally stuck was 2 yrs. The shame and disappointment in myself was crushing during that time. Getting sober and staying sober is a process. As the alcoholic one on my relationship, I like to think that it was worth it for my husband. You’ll need to make your own decisions in that regard. Sending thoughts of hope for every good thing tp the both of you!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Sounds like you've approached this logically. My advice and I think someone else said it too; is to take care of yourself first and foremost. She, if serious, will be doing the same. I know a few people that are so caught up in their SO's problem(s) they lose themselves. Then when things don't go according to their 'wants/plans' they are left wondering "what the hell just happened?" The only thing in your control is you. Best wishes.
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