sick of drinking
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Indeed. It's an emotional time. I was rather emotional at my first meeting. Was choked up the entire time.
It's a courageous thing you are doing puck. Even if it doesn't feel like what we think of when we say courageous.
You can so do this. And you absolutely won't regret it.
Look at it this way - you are feeling things, living, dealing with life. That beats the hell out of being numb and just piling up the problems... even in it's hardest moments.
-B
It's a courageous thing you are doing puck. Even if it doesn't feel like what we think of when we say courageous.
You can so do this. And you absolutely won't regret it.
Look at it this way - you are feeling things, living, dealing with life. That beats the hell out of being numb and just piling up the problems... even in it's hardest moments.
-B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 12
still haven't kicked this yet but it was good to re-read. I'm still in AA and Celebrate Recovery.
my employer has noticed my feeling of depression at work. "effecting my job" type of thing. She was nice and understood if I need to take time off.
Is the FMLA thing the way to go?
I'm sick of being miserable every damn day. Just scared to ask for detox or 30 day inpatient right now, but getting damn close to fessing up to a DR. I don't know if they will trust me to do it at home for I have fears myself I may drink on benzos.
my employer has noticed my feeling of depression at work. "effecting my job" type of thing. She was nice and understood if I need to take time off.
Is the FMLA thing the way to go?
I'm sick of being miserable every damn day. Just scared to ask for detox or 30 day inpatient right now, but getting damn close to fessing up to a DR. I don't know if they will trust me to do it at home for I have fears myself I may drink on benzos.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
FMLA,sick days/time,ect..basically whatever it takes. I'm self employeed and basically took 3mo 'off' (unless I had to be there) when I got serious about my sobriety. I looked at it as I'd lose EVERYTHING I've worked/planned 20+yrs for eventually the way I was heading and worse case, I could always get a job once I had myself in order, if needed. I'm still not back to the income level I had while drinking,but I'm healthy and make more rational life decisions now...I'm happy in my life now. The daily 'juggling' brought on by my drinking is no more. Do what you need to do for your best life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by puck2005 
I'm a chickenshit lol
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 120
Hi Puck. I see it as an every day work in progress. I'm still learning. I'm better than I was 2 years ago, but I'm about to request time off from work to attend IOP.
Don't give up. Even if you feel you're not doing 'good enough'. Find what works for you and own it. xoxo
"my employer has noticed my feeling of depression at work. "effecting my job" type of thing. She was nice and understood if I need to take time off. " - If you are eligible for FMLA, request it. Also, seeking treatment for substance abuse is covered under the ADA if treatment will allow you to <come back to> work.
I see you also wrote:
"Is the FMLA thing the way to go?
I'm sick of being miserable every damn day. Just scared to ask for detox or 30 day inpatient right now, but getting damn close to fessing up to a DR. I don't know if they will trust me to do it at home for I have fears myself I may drink on benzos. "
-My answer is yes. anyway, that's what I'm doing. I just.don't.care. I need help and I'm eligible for FMLA time off from work to get back on track.
Don't give up. Even if you feel you're not doing 'good enough'. Find what works for you and own it. xoxo
"my employer has noticed my feeling of depression at work. "effecting my job" type of thing. She was nice and understood if I need to take time off. " - If you are eligible for FMLA, request it. Also, seeking treatment for substance abuse is covered under the ADA if treatment will allow you to <come back to> work.
I see you also wrote:
"Is the FMLA thing the way to go?
I'm sick of being miserable every damn day. Just scared to ask for detox or 30 day inpatient right now, but getting damn close to fessing up to a DR. I don't know if they will trust me to do it at home for I have fears myself I may drink on benzos. "
-My answer is yes. anyway, that's what I'm doing. I just.don't.care. I need help and I'm eligible for FMLA time off from work to get back on track.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 12
Well the family physician on call I got is a few months out of residency. (small town) Said he would give me librium and acted like I could still go to work.
no thanks, not on that stuff.
Still wondering if this 3-4 day detox at home is for me or 30 day inpatient. I'm afraid of PAWS and I'll just go back to the can to get rid of that depression and brain fog.
I seriously worry about becoming unemployed cuz I can't deal with that job and keep sober. It's at the point of delaying my sobriety. Fear of having to quit b/c of anxiety and taking less pay in a small town market, after I just got a home I love.
no thanks, not on that stuff.
Still wondering if this 3-4 day detox at home is for me or 30 day inpatient. I'm afraid of PAWS and I'll just go back to the can to get rid of that depression and brain fog.
I seriously worry about becoming unemployed cuz I can't deal with that job and keep sober. It's at the point of delaying my sobriety. Fear of having to quit b/c of anxiety and taking less pay in a small town market, after I just got a home I love.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Welcome and yes yes, that feeling - being sick of feeling sick and THEN being SICK of that, is what drove me, and many of us, to finding a better, clearer, safer, brighter, more dynamic life of hope and chance and peace.
Good for you for getting to the meeting. It's a great place to start.
My responses:
a)What clicked in your head to make you ultimately succeed at quitting? I'm tapering right now cuz I'm dependent. Just hope I can succeed.
--> I quit and failed and drank and tried again and again. Tapering was not for me, as hard a drinker as I was, though I have no medical advice. That feeling you describe, of being sick of being sick, is what "clicked". I can't identify the exact moment, it's more an accumulation through the years. Finally giving that part of me that wanted to get sober and kept coming here, kept trying, giving that part of me the life it deserved.
b)I can't stop thinking about beer - what do I do? Read some AVRT as well, which makes some sense.
--> I'm an AVRT guy. Look up urge surfing - it's a terrific technique. For the early days, sometimes it's just getting through.
c) Did you eat something, drink something, activity, .... when you had a craving?
--> I committed to a fitness routine that I focused on which made getting through the urges have an aim - I wanted to be sober for my workouts the following day. However many a time I've turned to a pint of ice cream. No shame in that! Do whatever it takes. Fizzy water is great as well. Frozen grapes were a godsend for a period of time for me.
d) I'm so afraid of depression and anxiety and brain fog coming.
--> There are dark days and some hard hours you'll have to endure. But the better life, one you can be proud of and one you deserve is yours for the taking.
Welcome again.
Good for you for getting to the meeting. It's a great place to start.
My responses:
a)What clicked in your head to make you ultimately succeed at quitting? I'm tapering right now cuz I'm dependent. Just hope I can succeed.
--> I quit and failed and drank and tried again and again. Tapering was not for me, as hard a drinker as I was, though I have no medical advice. That feeling you describe, of being sick of being sick, is what "clicked". I can't identify the exact moment, it's more an accumulation through the years. Finally giving that part of me that wanted to get sober and kept coming here, kept trying, giving that part of me the life it deserved.
b)I can't stop thinking about beer - what do I do? Read some AVRT as well, which makes some sense.
--> I'm an AVRT guy. Look up urge surfing - it's a terrific technique. For the early days, sometimes it's just getting through.
c) Did you eat something, drink something, activity, .... when you had a craving?
--> I committed to a fitness routine that I focused on which made getting through the urges have an aim - I wanted to be sober for my workouts the following day. However many a time I've turned to a pint of ice cream. No shame in that! Do whatever it takes. Fizzy water is great as well. Frozen grapes were a godsend for a period of time for me.
d) I'm so afraid of depression and anxiety and brain fog coming.
--> There are dark days and some hard hours you'll have to endure. But the better life, one you can be proud of and one you deserve is yours for the taking.
Welcome again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 133
Swim the "River of Misery" haha I like that. I've swam in it so many times and failed, only to turn back to poison island and start the madness all over again. Like others have said, tapering never really works for most people because it keeps that evil AV in your head. Consulting your doc and going cold turkey may be the right thing to do. Anyway, congrats on making the big decision - you'll find people on here super helpful and supportive.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 100
i'm far from having quit. only on day 8..
but what i'm keeping in mind is..
one day at a time
not wanting to wake up the next day and know i'll be filled with regret and back to square 1
and everyone here with multiple years saying its the best thing they've ever done.. they can't all be lying can they? lol
also, the hope that the future will be better. i think that may be the most important.
but what i'm keeping in mind is..
one day at a time
not wanting to wake up the next day and know i'll be filled with regret and back to square 1
and everyone here with multiple years saying its the best thing they've ever done.. they can't all be lying can they? lol
also, the hope that the future will be better. i think that may be the most important.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Best wishes Puck - you'll find support and advice here too. As scary as sobriety might sound it's actually less scary than continuing to drink...every time I thought I hit bottom I had farther to fall...
D
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by least
Get rid of any alcohol in the house. Do you have a plan for sobriety? It's helpful to have a plan in place to get thru difficult circumstances.
Good luck with the detox.
Good luck with the detox.
2-3 AA/CR meetings a week.
actually eating. Having chocolate around or juice or ginger ale.
exercise
daily AA literature reading. I have AVRT book as well. Daily Bible reading. praying like hell.
calling AA folks
How do I even get a sponsor? just ask someone? Small town here.
get a different job - it's a trigger - never had so much criticism in this line of work.
spending more time or communicating more with family.
finding new hobbies - chickens/ducks/geese and maybe pigs oh ya! I live on a few acres.
get into canning from garden.
fish more. hunt more.
put my sobriety before others (current job) and refusing to feel bad about it
I know I am missing something. critique away!
thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
As someone said, “I got sick and tired of being sick and tired”. I also knew that my drinking had reached another level and I felt that it was only a matter of time when I would start having big trouble (marital, legal, work, health, ect...). I had a work vacation coming and I started reading here and decided it was time.
Before I went cold turkey (I couldn’t wean down....tried it), I thought about the things that I wanted to do (around the house, or places I wanted to see) when I felt better. In the early weeks, I did those things....cleaned windows, went on hikes, went to the beach. Whenever I had cravings, I would get busy with something ...all day if I had to. I ate healthy and took vitamins and used melatonin at times to help me sleep.
As a few weeks passed and I began to get better, I set out to loose weight and get fit. Exercise (just walking at first) helped my mood and the weight loss gave me something tangible (beside feeling better) to associate with my sobriety...counting sober days on a calendar helped also in that regard.
The brain fog and moodiness will get better...exercise, eat right, sleep and take a multivitamin daily.
I wish you all the best......you can do it.
Bonnie
Before I went cold turkey (I couldn’t wean down....tried it), I thought about the things that I wanted to do (around the house, or places I wanted to see) when I felt better. In the early weeks, I did those things....cleaned windows, went on hikes, went to the beach. Whenever I had cravings, I would get busy with something ...all day if I had to. I ate healthy and took vitamins and used melatonin at times to help me sleep.
As a few weeks passed and I began to get better, I set out to loose weight and get fit. Exercise (just walking at first) helped my mood and the weight loss gave me something tangible (beside feeling better) to associate with my sobriety...counting sober days on a calendar helped also in that regard.
The brain fog and moodiness will get better...exercise, eat right, sleep and take a multivitamin daily.
I wish you all the best......you can do it.
Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Originally Posted by puck2005
Going to home detox Saturday with a friend. Dr has given librium . God help me . Scared as **** on life without booze
Do yourself the biggest favor possible and get through this. You will not regret being sober.
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