where do I begin?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WEST NEWTON, PA
Posts: 1
where do I begin?
Hello out there!
Help, I'm not sure what to do.
My sister is an alcoholic & for the first time in my life (I am 39 & she is 50),
she is turning to me for help. Don't get me wrong she has not admitted to a problem, she is just beginning to talk to me about drinking too much & trying not to during the week. She thinks she can have a couple of drinks on the weekends.
She is having Thanksgiving dinner at her new home for the first time in her life, (for our entire large family), and she asked me to watch her drinking, so she doesn't drink too much & get goofy, like she always does.
This is a big step for her, I believe. She asked me not to tell any of my 6 sisters & 1 brother.
For some reason after all these years she is confiding in 1 of us.
I want to help, but I am not a counselor.
Where do I begin??????? Help??????????
Help, I'm not sure what to do.
My sister is an alcoholic & for the first time in my life (I am 39 & she is 50),
she is turning to me for help. Don't get me wrong she has not admitted to a problem, she is just beginning to talk to me about drinking too much & trying not to during the week. She thinks she can have a couple of drinks on the weekends.
She is having Thanksgiving dinner at her new home for the first time in her life, (for our entire large family), and she asked me to watch her drinking, so she doesn't drink too much & get goofy, like she always does.
This is a big step for her, I believe. She asked me not to tell any of my 6 sisters & 1 brother.
For some reason after all these years she is confiding in 1 of us.
I want to help, but I am not a counselor.
Where do I begin??????? Help??????????
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Right here.
Posts: 105
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to help her until she's truly ready to be helped. The good news is that it sounds like she's moving in that direction.
At this point, in my own pea brained opinion, the best thing you can do is just be supportive and let her know that you're there for her no matter what. It's a process that she needs to work through for herself, but having someone to confide in that won't judge her should make it easier for her.
When you think she might be receptive, you might consider pointing her to some resources like this site, or encouraging her to check out an AA meeting "just to see what it's about".
Don't try to rush her along, though. If she starts feeling pressured, it will probably have the exact opposite effect from what you intended.
At this point, in my own pea brained opinion, the best thing you can do is just be supportive and let her know that you're there for her no matter what. It's a process that she needs to work through for herself, but having someone to confide in that won't judge her should make it easier for her.
When you think she might be receptive, you might consider pointing her to some resources like this site, or encouraging her to check out an AA meeting "just to see what it's about".
Don't try to rush her along, though. If she starts feeling pressured, it will probably have the exact opposite effect from what you intended.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Though there is nothing you can do, and I wouldn't even try at dinner the good news is she realizes she has a problem. That's a good step for her. Maybe you can encourage her to try AA, counseling, or another means of support. Please let her know there are many like her that understand. I didn't get it and quit until I was 42. I think I understand what she's going through. She is afraid. She's afraid life will cease to exist without it. She'll continue to test the waters, have some major blow outs, call crying for help, but she has to get there on her own, when she's ready. Give her a huge hug from an alcoholic who understands, and I hope you will look into Alanon for yourself.
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
It's great to see how much you care for your sister! Unfortunately, what the others have said is true. I also recommend Alanon for you. It has help my husband so much.
Just to let you know, I use to do to my friends and family what your sister is doing to you. My best friend and I would plan to go to a bar until 8:30. I told her, to just make me leave. That I would probably be very convincing and persuasive on why we should stay. Guess What?? We closed the bar. She is trying to make you responsible for her drinking. Don't be surprised if she gets drunk and blames you later for "letting her"!!
Hugs to you and your sis,
Missy
Just to let you know, I use to do to my friends and family what your sister is doing to you. My best friend and I would plan to go to a bar until 8:30. I told her, to just make me leave. That I would probably be very convincing and persuasive on why we should stay. Guess What?? We closed the bar. She is trying to make you responsible for her drinking. Don't be surprised if she gets drunk and blames you later for "letting her"!!
Hugs to you and your sis,
Missy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Welcome! You are being a caring sister and that is the most you can do - just let your sister know that she is there. Chy is right that your sister is afraid and will probably have a ways to go before she admits she has a problem - which is essential to recovery. Missy is also right. Be careful of putting yourself in the position of 'policeman'!
Love, Anna
Love, Anna
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