Ekohe

After doing pretty well for 6 months (and by pretty well I mean just white knuckling it.) I'm back after a 4 day binge. I woke up yesterday on my new Day 1 with a new type of feeling. Not the typical "oh it happened again this time I'm done for sure" but more of a "okay I have some serious work to do". I realize that I had not put any real effort to change anything other than just not drinking.

That said I am ready this time. I will post and read daily and attend AA meetings all throughout this week. I am nervous, I feel like crap and am sweating. But I am desperate and I know how worth it life can be. I want to get back to where I was but also change aspects of my life if I am honest I said I was, but didn't really implement them. Here's to change, I need it.

Thanks for always letting me feel that I can come back no matter how long its taking me. I will need some encouragement and support especially these first few weeks. Time to learn how to live again

least

I hope this time you can get sober for good.

doggonecarl

You've been struggling to stay sober for a couple years. I hope recommitting to your recovery helps you over this hurdle.

Ekohe

I know, the funny thing is I found a note to myself when I was 22 already realizing I had an issue. I get over confident, and cocky after some time sober then always seem to slip.

No longer the case, I surrender to the fact the I am powerless once I begin, and that I shouldn't go it alone as support is everywhere. I am also very fortunate that I have not had to hit rock bottom, but know that's where I am taking the express route if I don't address that now.

I think 27 is as good a year to call it quits, and to realize that life is beginning a new for me in a way.

Gerard52

Ekohe on brightside it was only 4 days. You will be stronger this time and hopefully the brief relapse let feel it isn't worth it. All the best.

tomsteve

glad ya were able to make it back,ekohe. you might want to get a copy of the big book when ya hit meetings(if ya dont have one already) and start reading it to learn the actions necessary to recover the way the program helps us to recover.

Anna

It's good to see you back.

You're right that stopping drinking is the first step, but not enough. I think early recovery is a time for soul-searching and change. I'm glad you're ready for it.

2ndhandrose

Welcome back, Ekohe

"Nobody can hope for a brighter past."

I love the quote you have in your signature

VigilanceNow

So glad to read this, I really needed it. I know exactly how you feel waking up after a multiple-day binge after thinking you'd committed to stopping. It is truly a process, this journey, and few of us get it right the first time.

I love hearing your newfound commitment though. Now it is up to you to actually take action in all areas of your life, despite the kind of humility they require and despite how many times you have to swallow your pride, yet again. Do whatever you have to do to get sober.

For example, my sponsor made me write down ALL the unconventional things I could think of that I had done to get alcohol, including lies I'd told to not get caught. The list keeps growing and growing. Any time she says something that seems weird to me, or asks me to do something that I feel is a waste of time or downright wacky, she has me pull out this list and just gives me this look like hmm... well is it as weird as sewing an extra pocket in your purse to hide a small bottle?? Or even as difficult???! In those moments I am reminded that I must go as far (and farther) in my pursuit of sobriety as I did in my pursuit of alcohol.

You can do it, do not give up!!

Quit290117

Welcome back Ekohe,
However bad you feel today it will get better. I’m sure you remember this from your previous sober time. Stay close to Sr especially when it gets tough.

Hevyn

I'm so happy you returned, Ekohe. You sound ready to do it this time.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Ekohe.

I think actions the key - really work at staying sober - you won't regret it - you'll get out of your recovery what you put into it

D

Ekohe

Thank you all for the responses, today has been okay. Got the sweats often but otherwise not much physically. Mentally still all over the place. I have my home group AA meeting toward which I am really looking forward too.

You are right however, it will be all about action. No more expecting it to be over night or that someone will do the work for me.

Dropsie

We will never feel like it.

At least I never did.

But I did do it.

And so can you.

Buckley3

Just based on my own experience - your mileage may vary - but I think this part is absolutely essential. The very definition of coming out of denial.

I have my issues with AA, but the following is not one of them. I think it's the most crucial and important and easiest to take for granted steps to this whole thing:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

In my own experience I find that when I start getting a bit, uh, relaxed with my sobriety it's time to revisit this in a big way.

Great choice. It's ok to be nervous and what not. You aren't alone. Lots of us have been there. Just keep walking. You are so doing the right thing.

-B

Buckley3

Sorry, double post but this caught my eye after my previous...

Very common. Very natural. To be expected. It definitely gets better.

BUT - be on guard. This very thing makes us susceptible to losing our focus in those early days/ weeks. No matter how ****** it temporarily gets there is only ever one completely non-negotiable rule:

Don't drink today. You don't have to worry or figure anything else out. Just, when it starts breaking down keep it that focused.

Easy to lose sight of in my experience.

Best-

B

Ekohe

Physically feeling right again. Tonight is my first meeting again and I plan to go to 90 in 90. Wish me luck, I'm leaving all I thought I knew about life before at the door.