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Resentment, anger leading to cravings Hi - I’ve had a great week not drinking. Doing simple stuff daily, very few scares really Today I woke up really angry and I can’t shake my head form feeling resentful to all sorts of people. I’ve tried praying to the universe for them (this is a new language to me but whilst I don’t understand it I just do it) but it’s not going anywhere. And now I’m sitting here thinking about drinking. I honestly don’t think I will drink, but it’s the first time the AV has got stuck in to me this week. Advice? I won’t drink but I want my peace back |
This is how my av gets me also brings the same resentment I have against a person up then I start craving. Also the poor me that person did that etc. If you listen and take note you can acctually see how it works and how connected resentments and anger are to alcoholism. Keep strong it will pass and you will be ready next time that drama tape starts off in your head and you will know it’s av and that you don’t have to drink on it |
Stay strong, resentment is a psychological poison. |
I heard this somewhere: Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to feel it. It puts all those negative thoughts and emotions that we keep inside into perspective. They really are destructive to our well-being. |
Hang in there Gerard. I think the resentment and anger is part of the process and it'll pass. Our poor brains/thoughts etc....have been pickled for along time, I find when I get sober I get all kinds of thoughts and feelings that I wouldn't when there's booze in my system. They pass though. I know that doesn't help just now …. Give that AV a good kicking...…. Take care xx |
Congrats on a week! :You_Rock_ That anxiety the first few weeks will definitely wreak havoc on one's thinking. I was ate up with it. I had good results by breaking down the feelings a bit, dissecting them, putting them in a box, and being OK with them. An example might go like this: Instead of "I am resenting Tim" I would change it to "I notice I am feeling resentful because Tim was talking crap behind my back, and that's OK." Acknowledge it, give it boundaries, accept it. If you want to go the extra mile, add some gratitude to the end, "I am grateful that Tim was thinking about me. It shows he cares, even if he didn't express it very well." Best of Luck on Your Journey! :ring |
Yeah, what Nonsensical said. I like it! I think the prayers for that person have to be ongoing until the resentment goes away. The resentment doesn't miraculously go away with one prayer, in my experience. It has to become habit, just like my previous resentments were bad habits. The only person suffering when I'm mad at someone is me. It's all in my head. They are going about their lives with not a care in the world as to how I'm obsessing. If I wish them well, I've truly done all I can do about it, it is the right thing to do - and I have let it go. |
Peace will come. Peace will go. Anger will come. Anger will go. How I react to the comings and goings and what I do while they are coming and going, will shape my future. If I let go of attempts to control the coming and going and instead concentrate on what I do during the interim, things seem to flow better. |
I too are having those feelings. I have 78 days and last week my husband was out of town. He got back last Saturday. Sunday morning he was a little distant so he admitted he had a dream that I cheated . I am not clear if he meant with a person or drinking. He stated that he feels that I drank while he was gone but he has no evidence either but he can't shake that feeling. That's probably prompted his dream he thinks. I can not change his perception. He is going to feel what he wants. I can only do me. I did tell him that morning it was my 76th day. :) I did feel a little resentment . It goes with the territory I think. Good luck...& Congratulations. |
Thanks people. I’m tired. Lying on my bed at 4.00pm feeling bad for not taking part in family life. But I’m so grateful I haven’t fecked it all up. Being a moody so and so I can accept; being drunk I can’t. Also trying not to fall asleep so I can sleep tonight. Tired, grumpy but above all sober |
Ben, that was an issue for me last night too. Hope all is well. |
Hi Ben - for a while after I stopped drinking I still thought like a drinker - resentments were a great reason to drink on. I had good days and bad days for a while - but I didn't drink on either - and by 3 months I had the makings of the serenity and peace i still enjoy :) H an gin there - change is in the wind :) |
They talk in AA about resentments, in my opinion everyone is different I believe non alcoholic people have resentments as well but they do not choose to drown them with alcohol. Negative thoughts I strongly believe that the alcoholic has these, when I was on a bender the days after my brain was filled with self hatred and anger, not specifically at anyone but myself. I have not been sober long enough to give you any advice but wish you luck and perseverance, I know it will get better, I believe as we sober up things will slowly turn to a positive direction. |
Originally Posted by bunchie
(Post 6970809)
They talk in AA about resentments, in my opinion everyone is different I believe non alcoholic people have resentments as well but they do not choose to drown them with alcohol. |
The problem with resentments for me is I would let them grow and fester until the only tool I had to deal with their growing magnitude was alcohol. I don't think my story is unique and that's why although other people may get resentful, it's really dangerous for people like us to get that way. Time for me to break out a passage from my favorite book on forgiveness, The Shack: The Shack by William Paul Young “Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.........Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation.........Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......” ― William Paul Young, The Shack |
Thanks for the input guys. I see what you say about normals being resentful, also about some of us not being resentful. For me it’s a huge thing. I drive about at work compiling lists of complaints, normally to the very people who are most trying to help me. And then when drunk ‘Booommmmm’ - I was an arse. It would all come out in horrible ways Yesterday I could feel the anger leading me to crave drink. It was odd to watch it in slow motion. I’ve only been sober a week or so but I want to stay sober. Mainly because of what it cost me to carry on. But also because I don’t want to lose this forward momentum. I’m only going slowly but I’m going! |
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