This was my story for a long time and it is indeed taxing. When I shifted to always thinking about being sober, the fight was over and progress began. It is hard for me to "not do something". I have never liked being told no, so instead I said yes to sobriety.

It makes me happy that I am sober and I can pay it forward by helping others the way I was helped. :)

I too f'ed up badly when my daughter was growing up. She's an adult now and we have a wonderful relationship and friendship. She has a very good memory though and will sometimes remind me about my past behaviour (the shame!) but she's not at all angry. We can actually have a laugh about some of it.

Cravings are like waves, all you need to do is to learn how to surf x

Early recovery is bloody hard and sure those cravings are really intense however not impossible to overcome.

To help yourself, can you think of ways you can surf these cravings until they pass (which they do and thats not by drinking btw) ?

What do you think could help you?

My suggestion is to Have a plan. Write it out “this is what im going do when the urge to drink comes on me” when you have an action plan, refer to it and carry it out, each and everytime the urge comes on to drink x For example, Distraction, (specfic ways of how you can distract yourself will help) reaching out for help, anything at all to help these cravings pass so long as it not a drink x