Atlast9999

I’m still very early into my sobriety and very on guard. I’ve read many posts where it has been stated to beware of complacency.

My question is how to guard against becoming complacent. Are there any underlying trends,themes, something to be on the lookout for?

I’m in this for the long haul and don’t want to let my guard down, let myself become complacent and end up right back where I was before.

Perhaps this is a stupid question....I don’t know. I just want to be prepared!

Thanks.

AnvilheadII

not a stupid question at all!

complacency can show up at any time recovery.....but often around 90 days......and of course later on. it just means that we are many days into not drinking, and it just doesn't seem as tough as we thought. we've been doing meetings or aftercare or IOP, and we are starting to feel GOOD without alcohol, and we feel we've got the system down and then comes a day when we have "reasons" to skip a meeting, or postpone that step work. we being to feel like "we've got this" and it's just not a big deal.

we can also get YEARS into recovery and have the same feelings. i mean do we really NEED to attend a meeting a day? or a week? don't we now know how to not drink? and we find ourselves drifting ever so slowly away from the shores of recovery. thinking we can always swim back to shore.

next thing ya know.....

we just have to remain vigilant. not paranoid, not afraid, just aware. it's like a wooden fence around our property...we just need to make sure no boards have come loose. we need to remember there IS a fence.

i hope that helps!

Ladysadie

I would think a lot would have to do with what you did in the past that lead to your drinking (as a trigger) that might lead you into relapse. Do you frequent the same places, hang out with drinking buddies, that sort of thing? Why having a plan is so crucial to keeping your sobriety sacred.

Be123

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This (the original question)!!!!

I Had a great day today VERY early in my sobriety, never felt like a drink, never thought about a drink, woke up knowing it would be a good day.

Should I be happy I’ve had it easy, or is this a common sign tomorrow the AV will really go for me? (‘Yeah, you’ve shown you’ve beaten it, you might as well....’)

Dee74

I worried about complacency a lot until I boiled it down,,,if I feel like a drink I have a long list of things to do - find support& use it:, remember things like HALT and playing the tape through, use urge surfing....

Details here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)

I also know intrinsically whether any environment is good for my recovery or not. The same extends to people.

Be alert, stay vigilant.
Treat your recovery like the precious thing it is.

D

brighterday1234

Work on recovery daily in some way and you’ll not get complacent.

Atlast9999

Yes, Anvil, this does help. I like the swimming away from shore analogy. Coupled with Dee’s advice (play the tape through, HALT, etc) I “think” I know what to guard against... now it’s just a matter of vigilance vs. paranoid! I guess that will take time and sort itself out. Thank you.

Atlast9999

Thanks Dee. I read through the linked post and saw some great ideas. Playing the tape through and HALT have already become part of my routine. I don’t know what urge surfing is but I’ll look into that...

Atlast9999

I feel the same way. I’ve already learned that the AV is quite sneaky and shows up when I least expect it.

August252015

, I practice my program every day and in all of my life best as I can. I can then live in good habits and not fear. My tools are there when "stuff" happens, like the inklings of complacency.

Good habits like my morning program work/devotional time, every single day.
Concepts like "am I making the next right choice?" In big things and small ones, and that my choices take me "closer to a drink, or further away from one."

When I feel disturbed (or restless, or discontent, all AA concepts that alcoholics like me understand well) I need to pick up my program- four meetings a week is my sweet spot now, six is awesome and three is ok. Less, for a week or two, and I need to self-correct.

Surrounding myself with good "people, places and practices," is a habit now. Having a strong support system, of people in recovery or not, is crucial not just to sobriety but to enjoying my life.

I think of recovery as the backdrop of my whole life. I find I have a full, real, joyful, sometimes challenging, always rewarding one here at 29 mo and change.

Atlast9999

Ladysadie,
Thanks for your response. At first I did frequent the same places with the same crowd. For the past few weeks I have noticed that I have drifted away. I never thought directly about that - it just didn’t feel right, safe, or even fun anymore. One of my family’s favorite places to go is a huge trigger for me. We used to go every weekend. Currently we haven’t been there in over 4 weeks. They don’t understand why we haven’t gone but they have been gracious about it. I agree with having a plan.

thomas11

THat's a great question. I think that not letting yourself have casual or cavalier attitude towards taking that first drink. Once you are in the mindset of "its no big deal" I think you are on a slippery slope. I also reshaped my life in which it is not centered around drinking time.

Helianthus

Great question, l am coming up on 90 days and sobriety has started to feel a little mundane. When l first quit it was great to reach 1 day, 1 week, 1 month etc because l haven't had that for a very long time. Then l started to realise that the tough part is the long haul because sometimes l don't want to think about it everyday, that's complacency to me and the slippery slope. I just have to make sure l keep up with my journaling and meditation etc and quieting my inner critic, that's always a tough one for me.

Good luck