Hi, my name is KarltheheretiK and I'm...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
Hello.
I have a bottle of malt whiskey, and a bottle of red wine within arms reach. They were presents from the 'unknowing'. There is mulled wine and brandy in the kitchen cupboard. Am I going to drink them? No, because I'm an alcoholic.
I have a bottle of malt whiskey, and a bottle of red wine within arms reach. They were presents from the 'unknowing'. There is mulled wine and brandy in the kitchen cupboard. Am I going to drink them? No, because I'm an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I haven't drunk any alcohol for 4 years 4 month and 2 weeks. There has been alcohol around thank could have chosen to drink not so far away. That doesn't mean I'm not an alcoholic. It just means I didn't take the first drink on any of those years, months or weeks.
But if I did, I'd be back to square one. So I am still an alcoholic.
Why do you think you still drink, despite yourself?
BB
But if I did, I'd be back to square one. So I am still an alcoholic.
Why do you think you still drink, despite yourself?
BB
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
I didn't really reach "rock bottom" either but I identified with the elevator analogy. The elevator only goes down with addiction and you can step off before you reach rock bottom, or go all the way down with it. It's a ride that gets uglier and uglier. I got off before it reached bottom, but still had a way to walk back up.
The way I approached recovery was that I was way too smart to let alcohol destroy my life. I remember thinking that alcoholism would be an ignominious, pitiful way to lose everything and kill myself. What kind of stupid would that be? So if I was so smart (and I prided myself on my intelligence), how could I not see I was an alcoholic and how could I not do something about it?
I still had my successful position at work, I still exercised a reasonable amount, I still had friends, I travelled to cool places and I had a life that looked great from the outside. But I had the ache under my ribs, gruesome digestive problems that only I knew about, a tendency to gag when I brushed my teeth in the mornings and a whole host of symptoms of a struggling liver.
So I finally quit, by seeing a doctor and approaching it in an all-out, take-no-prisoners, I'm-outsmarting-this-thing way.
A clever ego can be a great enemy to the real self. I like to think I brought my ego to submission in this fight.
The way I approached recovery was that I was way too smart to let alcohol destroy my life. I remember thinking that alcoholism would be an ignominious, pitiful way to lose everything and kill myself. What kind of stupid would that be? So if I was so smart (and I prided myself on my intelligence), how could I not see I was an alcoholic and how could I not do something about it?
I still had my successful position at work, I still exercised a reasonable amount, I still had friends, I travelled to cool places and I had a life that looked great from the outside. But I had the ache under my ribs, gruesome digestive problems that only I knew about, a tendency to gag when I brushed my teeth in the mornings and a whole host of symptoms of a struggling liver.
So I finally quit, by seeing a doctor and approaching it in an all-out, take-no-prisoners, I'm-outsmarting-this-thing way.
A clever ego can be a great enemy to the real self. I like to think I brought my ego to submission in this fight.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,197
Originally Posted by decchemist 
Hello.
I have a bottle of malt whiskey, and a bottle of red wine within arms reach. They were presents from the 'unknowing'. There is mulled wine and brandy in the kitchen cupboard. Am I going to drink them? No, because I'm an alcoholic.
I have a bottle of malt whiskey, and a bottle of red wine within arms reach. They were presents from the 'unknowing'. There is mulled wine and brandy in the kitchen cupboard. Am I going to drink them? No, because I'm an alcoholic.
Welcome to SR Karl!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
I didn't really reach "rock bottom" either but I identified with the elevator analogy. The elevator only goes down with addiction and you can step off before you reach rock bottom, or go all the way down with it. It's a ride that gets uglier and uglier. I got off before it reached bottom, but still had a way to walk back up.
The way I approached recovery was that I was way too smart to let alcohol destroy my life. I remember thinking that alcoholism would be an ignominious, pitiful way to lose everything and kill myself. What kind of stupid would that be? So if I was so smart (and I prided myself on my intelligence), how could I not see I was an alcoholic and how could I not do something about it?
I still had my successful position at work, I still exercised a reasonable amount, I still had friends, I travelled to cool places and I had a life that looked great from the outside. But I had the ache under my ribs, gruesome digestive problems that only I knew about, a tendency to gag when I brushed my teeth in the mornings and a whole host of symptoms of a struggling liver.
So I finally quit, by seeing a doctor and approaching it in an all-out, take-no-prisoners, I'm-outsmarting-this-thing way.
A clever ego can be a great enemy to the real self. I like to think I brought my ego to submission in this fight.
The way I approached recovery was that I was way too smart to let alcohol destroy my life. I remember thinking that alcoholism would be an ignominious, pitiful way to lose everything and kill myself. What kind of stupid would that be? So if I was so smart (and I prided myself on my intelligence), how could I not see I was an alcoholic and how could I not do something about it?
I still had my successful position at work, I still exercised a reasonable amount, I still had friends, I travelled to cool places and I had a life that looked great from the outside. But I had the ache under my ribs, gruesome digestive problems that only I knew about, a tendency to gag when I brushed my teeth in the mornings and a whole host of symptoms of a struggling liver.
So I finally quit, by seeing a doctor and approaching it in an all-out, take-no-prisoners, I'm-outsmarting-this-thing way.
A clever ego can be a great enemy to the real self. I like to think I brought my ego to submission in this fight.
So yes, I can use my intelligence to do things like recognize triggers, patterns, and such for my alcohol use, but how do you use your intelligence to find meaning in life?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Hi Karl
I can't answer for anyone else but it didn't take any special intelligence for me to quit. I was dying.
It didn't take any special intelligence for me to stay quit either.
Intelligence was a hurdle for a long time tho.
I'd said for years that with eveythimg else I'd achieved I'd beat booze too. I'd tame it, I'd control it.
I'd master the way of drinking that 'normal people' had....non obsessional, non extreme, no courting oblivion, take it or leave it.
I'd fought to a standstill.
Finally....after 20 years or so...I fundamentally and honestly surrendered - I accepted this was one fight I could not win.
Alcohol and I had an intrinsically toxic relationship.
There was no way for me to keep alcohol in my life in any viable sense.
I felt joyless and grey for a while...then about 3 months in from quitting, my head cleared and I became more and more aware of a me I'd totally forgotten about.
I think everyone deserves to rediscover that authentic person again.
Its been a great voyage of self discovery rather than self destruction
D
I can't answer for anyone else but it didn't take any special intelligence for me to quit. I was dying.
It didn't take any special intelligence for me to stay quit either.
Intelligence was a hurdle for a long time tho.
I'd said for years that with eveythimg else I'd achieved I'd beat booze too. I'd tame it, I'd control it.
I'd master the way of drinking that 'normal people' had....non obsessional, non extreme, no courting oblivion, take it or leave it.
I'd fought to a standstill.
Finally....after 20 years or so...I fundamentally and honestly surrendered - I accepted this was one fight I could not win.
Alcohol and I had an intrinsically toxic relationship.
There was no way for me to keep alcohol in my life in any viable sense.
I felt joyless and grey for a while...then about 3 months in from quitting, my head cleared and I became more and more aware of a me I'd totally forgotten about.
I think everyone deserves to rediscover that authentic person again.
Its been a great voyage of self discovery rather than self destruction
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by dwtbd
Sure sounds like a slow form of something. I doubt you can get good odds on the slow part remaining fixed, odds are there could well be a point of acceleration as these things tend to be progressive.
What are your plans for future alcohol use?
What are your plans for future alcohol use?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by KarltheheretiK
In the immediate future, I'm going to strive each morning to skip Black Velvet-laced coffee with fruit or vege juice. And for the small amount of time before I go to work, I'm going to get on this site and read about other folks struggles and, if possible, add some insight or words of encouragement. It'll break up the pattern of abuse at the start of my day. It's not much, but it's a start.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Karl
I can't answer for anyone else but it didn't take any special intelligence for me to quit. I was dying.
It didn't take any special intelligence for me to stay quit either.
Intelligence was a hurdle for a long time tho.
I'd said for years that with eveythimg else I'd achieved I'd beat booze too. I'd tame it, I'd control it.
I'd master the way of drinking that 'normal people' had....non obsessional, non extreme, no courting oblivion, take it or leave it.
I'd fought to a standstill.
Finally....after 20 years or so...I fundamentally and honestly surrendered - I accepted this was one fight I could not win.
Alcohol and I had an intrinsically toxic relationship.
There was no way for me to keep alcohol in my life in any viable sense.
I felt joyless and grey for a while...then about 3 months in from quitting, my head cleared and I became more and more aware of a me I'd totally forgotten about.
I think everyone deserves to rediscover that authentic person again.
Its been a great voyage of self discovery rather than self destruction
D
I can't answer for anyone else but it didn't take any special intelligence for me to quit. I was dying.
It didn't take any special intelligence for me to stay quit either.
Intelligence was a hurdle for a long time tho.
I'd said for years that with eveythimg else I'd achieved I'd beat booze too. I'd tame it, I'd control it.
I'd master the way of drinking that 'normal people' had....non obsessional, non extreme, no courting oblivion, take it or leave it.
I'd fought to a standstill.
Finally....after 20 years or so...I fundamentally and honestly surrendered - I accepted this was one fight I could not win.
Alcohol and I had an intrinsically toxic relationship.
There was no way for me to keep alcohol in my life in any viable sense.
I felt joyless and grey for a while...then about 3 months in from quitting, my head cleared and I became more and more aware of a me I'd totally forgotten about.
I think everyone deserves to rediscover that authentic person again.
Its been a great voyage of self discovery rather than self destruction
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 48
Alcohol use disorder (medical term for alcoholism if I’m not mistaken) is progressive in nature. Be thankful that you noticed it in yourself before it becomes more than semantics.
I drank 2 drinks a night, both of which had 2-3 shots in them. I didn’t go to bed a staggering drunk, nor did I ever abuse my family. I did, however, struggle to not have those drinks because I enjoyed them too much.
Right now in my house I have a bottle of rum, a 12-pack of assorted microbrews, and a bottle of very expensive small batch tequila. I’m drinking none of them and yet I know my affinity for the buzz isn’t healthy. Most people don’t think of alcohol when they “take days off.” In fact, they don’t “take days off” from drinking any more than they’d take days off from eating tacos.
Alcohol use disorder isn’t an official label, but it is important to figure out what your relationship with drinking is...it’s a hard ride to rock bottom, and when it comes you’re not thankful that you hit it until you have a chance to start climbing again. I pray you never get there. It’s always best (and less painful) to learn from others’ mistakes.
Good luck in your journey and I hope you stay a while.
I drank 2 drinks a night, both of which had 2-3 shots in them. I didn’t go to bed a staggering drunk, nor did I ever abuse my family. I did, however, struggle to not have those drinks because I enjoyed them too much.
Right now in my house I have a bottle of rum, a 12-pack of assorted microbrews, and a bottle of very expensive small batch tequila. I’m drinking none of them and yet I know my affinity for the buzz isn’t healthy. Most people don’t think of alcohol when they “take days off.” In fact, they don’t “take days off” from drinking any more than they’d take days off from eating tacos.
Alcohol use disorder isn’t an official label, but it is important to figure out what your relationship with drinking is...it’s a hard ride to rock bottom, and when it comes you’re not thankful that you hit it until you have a chance to start climbing again. I pray you never get there. It’s always best (and less painful) to learn from others’ mistakes.
Good luck in your journey and I hope you stay a while.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
the defining characteristic that makes sense to me( ha, because it is based on my experience)as accurate of alcoholismis the inability to stop when i wanted to. returns to drinking when i had decided not to. that kind of thing.
couldn't stay stopped.
welcome, Karl.
couldn't stay stopped.
welcome, Karl.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by KarltheheretiK
how do you use your intelligence to find meaning in life?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by Banjoist
Alcohol use disorder (medical term for alcoholism if I’m not mistaken) is progressive in nature. Be thankful that you noticed it in yourself before it becomes more than semantics.
I drank 2 drinks a night, both of which had 2-3 shots in them. I didn’t go to bed a staggering drunk, nor did I ever abuse my family. I did, however, struggle to not have those drinks because I enjoyed them too much.
Right now in my house I have a bottle of rum, a 12-pack of assorted microbrews, and a bottle of very expensive small batch tequila. I’m drinking none of them and yet I know my affinity for the buzz isn’t healthy. Most people don’t think of alcohol when they “take days off.” In fact, they don’t “take days off” from drinking any more than they’d take days off from eating tacos.
Alcohol use disorder isn’t an official label, but it is important to figure out what your relationship with drinking is...it’s a hard ride to rock bottom, and when it comes you’re not thankful that you hit it until you have a chance to start climbing again. I pray you never get there. It’s always best (and less painful) to learn from others’ mistakes.
Good luck in your journey and I hope you stay a while.
I drank 2 drinks a night, both of which had 2-3 shots in them. I didn’t go to bed a staggering drunk, nor did I ever abuse my family. I did, however, struggle to not have those drinks because I enjoyed them too much.
Right now in my house I have a bottle of rum, a 12-pack of assorted microbrews, and a bottle of very expensive small batch tequila. I’m drinking none of them and yet I know my affinity for the buzz isn’t healthy. Most people don’t think of alcohol when they “take days off.” In fact, they don’t “take days off” from drinking any more than they’d take days off from eating tacos.
Alcohol use disorder isn’t an official label, but it is important to figure out what your relationship with drinking is...it’s a hard ride to rock bottom, and when it comes you’re not thankful that you hit it until you have a chance to start climbing again. I pray you never get there. It’s always best (and less painful) to learn from others’ mistakes.
Good luck in your journey and I hope you stay a while.
It's like when you try to quit smoking cigs... the moment you slip up, people jump on your **** and start screaming, "I thought you quit!" If I tell people I'm an alcoholic, I will never be able to ever drink anything ever again without people jumping on my ****. And that upsets me because my issue isn't alcoholism as much as it's addiction. And we all have our drugs of choice. If you walk into my house and see a half bottle of rum on my kitchen cabinet and 2 hard ciders in my fridge, you can't assume I'm drinking. You'd have to smell my breath. But if walk into my house and you see a half bottle of Black Velvet on the counter, and the coffee-maker is still warm, you KNOW I've been drinking.
I guess I'd rather be labeled an "addict" and let people guess what it is I'm addicted too...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by KarltheheretiK
Well, I can't tell from your handle if you're male or female, but being called "oppositional" at work could be a sexism thing?
I'm pretty sure ODD is being called something else these days, so don't be surprised if you can't find it under ODD. It's a strange condition with odd side effects. And again, let's not totally underrate the power of labels. In fact, many cultures and religious traditions throughout time believed you gain power over people and otherworldly entities when you find out their name.
I'm pretty sure ODD is being called something else these days, so don't be surprised if you can't find it under ODD. It's a strange condition with odd side effects. And again, let's not totally underrate the power of labels. In fact, many cultures and religious traditions throughout time believed you gain power over people and otherworldly entities when you find out their name.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
This is like a 64 million dollar question. Really, it is. I'm not sure just how smart I am. Other people seem to think I am, but I'm not sure I always agree with that. I have found for myself that some of the most profound answers come to me when I may least expect them to....and, other answers come when I let my mind go....but I cannot just let my mind go any old time, such as life is. Maybe I'm talking about meditation....Inspiration...being inspired....I don't know if this is good or bad...but in my experience some of the best things in life happen after some bad time(s) or 'down' times.
My mind is always let go. I've been alone so long I'm pretty much trapped in my own head. On top of that, I'm introspective by nature. So, when I'm taking a shower, I think about world issues and the nature of life and existence. It's like constantly living on the edge of an epiphany blade. I think most folks think about what they have to do for the day when they shower. I'd say ignorance is bliss, but I don't think it's ignorance as much as a lack of interest in thinking of deep **** that isn't immediately relevant to taking care of business.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by KarltheheretiK
I think you're very wrong! Adjusted for inflation (and the price of tea in China), it's now the 3.7 billion dollar question, lol!
My mind is always let go. I've been alone so long I'm pretty much trapped in my own head. On top of that, I'm introspective by nature. So, when I'm taking a shower, I think about world issues and the nature of life and existence. It's like constantly living on the edge of an epiphany blade. I think most folks think about what they have to do for the day when they shower. I'd say ignorance is bliss, but I don't think it's ignorance as much as a lack of interest in thinking of deep **** that isn't immediately relevant to taking care of business.
My mind is always let go. I've been alone so long I'm pretty much trapped in my own head. On top of that, I'm introspective by nature. So, when I'm taking a shower, I think about world issues and the nature of life and existence. It's like constantly living on the edge of an epiphany blade. I think most folks think about what they have to do for the day when they shower. I'd say ignorance is bliss, but I don't think it's ignorance as much as a lack of interest in thinking of deep **** that isn't immediately relevant to taking care of business.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
Welcome Karl. I hope your journey leads you back to your youth when (hopefully in your case) the world was open and waiting for you to explore. One thing that comes to mind as you've shared your thoughts is that you want a telescope to look at the moon. Have you ever spent much time in the outdoors viewing the night skies? It seems some grass or sand between your toes viewing the stars could help get you grounded. A clear night with a clear mind can be so very restorative. The country always helped me get centered. I wish that gift which you can give yourself. Peace be with you
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