New Thread about what I Dread! 😜
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 18
New Thread about what I Dread! 😜
Hello, I’ve been advised to start a new thread and I will tell you.
I’m embarrassed, scared, panicked, and ashamed... and *chunky* due to extensive carbohydrate intake, which really annoys me.
I had a gastric bypass a couple years back and felt fantastic for 3 years. Then when my youngest brother attempted suicide about 1 year ago I started to drink wine... a lot of wine. Never really needed alcohol before on the regular. I liked it sure, and had a high tolerance. I preferred not to for many years.. Curiously, I married an alcoholic, and hardcore loved another in my young life. My parents didn’t drink and are still together. After my brothers situation I kinda freaked out a little. I’m autistic (which I just found out this year after going in for extensive evaluation due to said drinking increase)& adhd, anxiety) I felt so bad that he is scared, confused and hurting I started increasing slowly my intake (unbeknownst to me) I found that drinking helps me relax and not panic. So I didn’t really worry. I do know now it’s not helpful and counterproductive because when I started craving I researched everything available and found it can actually exasperate anxiety and panic. Now when I stop, I have panic attacks which terrify me and I’ve hyperventilated twice in two months. A very unpleasant experience if you aren’t familiar. ;( Sigh... I’m in a weird place mentally, not depressed, not even sure I’m an alcoholic but, I have to be addicted. I live in a small town everyone talks, no confidentiality, all meetings and support that isn’t an hour away or chock full of people you see everyday somewhere. It really makes sh*t harder. Makes one feel trapped... I’m worried if I reach out for help I’ll get labeled, viewed as weak and crazy. I’m in public service so job stress is super high, and I take care of my parents and my adult disabled child. And yeah, I have plenty of other reasons to try and check out to numb this crap away but I feel that I’m missing out. I’m afraid I’ll wake up old and be so pissed at 40 ish year-old me as I have done many many times before thinking and regretting not being stronger. I’m worried and annoyed that I am doing it wrong. 🙂 sooooo... that’s my story.
*All advice is respected and appreciated but be kind as I am sensitive lol
I’m embarrassed, scared, panicked, and ashamed... and *chunky* due to extensive carbohydrate intake, which really annoys me.
I had a gastric bypass a couple years back and felt fantastic for 3 years. Then when my youngest brother attempted suicide about 1 year ago I started to drink wine... a lot of wine. Never really needed alcohol before on the regular. I liked it sure, and had a high tolerance. I preferred not to for many years.. Curiously, I married an alcoholic, and hardcore loved another in my young life. My parents didn’t drink and are still together. After my brothers situation I kinda freaked out a little. I’m autistic (which I just found out this year after going in for extensive evaluation due to said drinking increase)& adhd, anxiety) I felt so bad that he is scared, confused and hurting I started increasing slowly my intake (unbeknownst to me) I found that drinking helps me relax and not panic. So I didn’t really worry. I do know now it’s not helpful and counterproductive because when I started craving I researched everything available and found it can actually exasperate anxiety and panic. Now when I stop, I have panic attacks which terrify me and I’ve hyperventilated twice in two months. A very unpleasant experience if you aren’t familiar. ;( Sigh... I’m in a weird place mentally, not depressed, not even sure I’m an alcoholic but, I have to be addicted. I live in a small town everyone talks, no confidentiality, all meetings and support that isn’t an hour away or chock full of people you see everyday somewhere. It really makes sh*t harder. Makes one feel trapped... I’m worried if I reach out for help I’ll get labeled, viewed as weak and crazy. I’m in public service so job stress is super high, and I take care of my parents and my adult disabled child. And yeah, I have plenty of other reasons to try and check out to numb this crap away but I feel that I’m missing out. I’m afraid I’ll wake up old and be so pissed at 40 ish year-old me as I have done many many times before thinking and regretting not being stronger. I’m worried and annoyed that I am doing it wrong. 🙂 sooooo... that’s my story.
*All advice is respected and appreciated but be kind as I am sensitive lol
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Welcome,
Alcohol is diabolical. I began drinking to self-medicate anxiety/insomnia/depression and was pulled into an addiction to alcohol which made everything so much worse. Alcohol is a depressant, and like you, my anxiety became so much worse when I was drinking.
I'm not an AA person, but AA works for many people. You will find lots of people here using many different ways to stop drinking and recover. Find what works for you, and I always say it will be your motivation which is key.
Alcohol is diabolical. I began drinking to self-medicate anxiety/insomnia/depression and was pulled into an addiction to alcohol which made everything so much worse. Alcohol is a depressant, and like you, my anxiety became so much worse when I was drinking.
I'm not an AA person, but AA works for many people. You will find lots of people here using many different ways to stop drinking and recover. Find what works for you, and I always say it will be your motivation which is key.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 18
Thanks Anna, I like your insight of advising what works for me and others may be different. I know it must be as it’s been so confusing for me. I didn’t realize it would make it worse after a few months. I feel that with that knowledge it will help me make changes . Thx 🙂
Originally Posted by Anna 
Welcome,
Alcohol is diabolical. I began drinking to self-medicate anxiety/insomnia/depression and was pulled into an addiction to alcohol which made everything so much worse. Alcohol is a depressant, and like you, my anxiety became so much worse when I was drinking.
I'm not an AA person, but AA works for many people. You will find lots of people here using many different ways to stop drinking and recover. Find what works for you, and I always say it will be your motivation which is key.
Alcohol is diabolical. I began drinking to self-medicate anxiety/insomnia/depression and was pulled into an addiction to alcohol which made everything so much worse. Alcohol is a depressant, and like you, my anxiety became so much worse when I was drinking.
I'm not an AA person, but AA works for many people. You will find lots of people here using many different ways to stop drinking and recover. Find what works for you, and I always say it will be your motivation which is key.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Welcome RR. 
My program used to be weekly counseling and daily visits to this site. I no longer see the counselor but still come here every day. I'll be nine years sober this winter. SR has been a huge help to me and I hope we can be of help to you also.
My program used to be weekly counseling and daily visits to this site. I no longer see the counselor but still come here every day. I'll be nine years sober this winter. SR has been a huge help to me and I hope we can be of help to you also. Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's great to have you join us, RR. I was instantly less anxious when I joined here. I've never felt alone since that day. I also never drank again. I hope you'll keep posting - we're here to help.
I hope you'll keep posting - we're here to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 18
🙏🏻 Thanks 🙂
Surprisingly, just popping in here has made me feel less “lost”. 🙂
Originally Posted by Hevyn
It's great to have you join us, RR. I was instantly less anxious when I joined here. I've never felt alone since that day. I also never drank again. I hope you'll keep posting - we're here to help.
I hope you'll keep posting - we're here to help.
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