Truthseeker11

For my usual Tuesday night pub trivia. Sat at the bar as I always do with my friend to my right and an empty seat to my left that would normally be where my EX boyfriend sat. Except that in a completely sober state, three days into my sobriety to be exact, I told him like it is and that he doesn’t deserve to know me and my eyes are opening fully now to everything he’s put me through. He hasn’t replied to me and didn’t show up. The truth hurts. Good riddance.

I eyed the gin bottle on the shelf more than a few times. I ordered an ice tea. I mentioned to my friend that it was that man who hurt me and neglected me who made me drink so much and now that I was free of him, I could drink normally again. She said no, don’t do it. While she agreed that these men have destroyed me and more than helped my alcohol consumption increase greatly, she didn’t agree that it was ok to break my promise to myself to to challenge my strength for one month.

I figured I could do whatever I wanted but somehow I didn’t want to disappoint her. I ordered a second ice tea. I decided to go for the caffeine high. Three ice teas later I realized I got through two hours sitting at the bar without breaking my streak. I’m
wide awake now but at least instead of feeling shame, I’m rather proud of myself. I saw a waitress sitting down to a large glass of rosé wine and it was tempting but only for the few seconds I eyed it. It was all about making choices second by second, minute by minute. I was in control.

And now I know I can still have fun doing this pub trivia. Just a different kind of fun. There may come a day when I cave in, but already I’m seeing so many benefits five days in. My skin is translucent not ruddy, my eyes are bright not reddish in the least, and my energy is coming back, though I do have a few hours where I feel I want to fall asleep at like 6 pm. My body is probably working overtime to detox. And not to TMI but despite all the water I’ve been drinking and fruits I’ve been eating, I’m constipated which tells me I really am detoxing. I’m still bloated around my middle which sucks but I do know that can take two weeks to a few months to go away plus I’m 44 so hormones aren’t helping me there. But alcohol messes up your hormones so maybe I can balance them by continuing to abstain.

Anyway, as an aside, a bar brawl broke out in our otherwise peaceful pub between two drunken girls, one threw a glass at the other. It was dramatic. Lots of rage and they got kicked out. Reminded me of that destructive potential of booze. We certainly aren’t all happy drunks. I wasn’t sure I should do this tonight but I did and I’m glad I did. It just proved to me I’m more more ready and grown up and serious about this than I’ve been maybe in all my life. And im thankful for my sober friend. If not for her I might not have succeeded.

Dee74

My advice is not to go to the bar for a while.

I'm glad you came through unscathed - so did I the first time, sometimes the second, maybe even the third...but eventually I'd get fed up at being the non drinker and think 'oh one can't hurt'...

Famous last words.

Right now your Addicted Self is probably saying that you won't give up your social life dammit - and noones asking you to.

Just be cautious - maybe change it a little in terms of people places and things for a while?


D

Berrybean

I agree with Dee.

What if your friend had just got you the drink, or agreed it was a good idea?

While you're still thinking it was anyone else that made you drink you're in dangerous territory. No matter how people treat us, it's no solution to drink. Only alcoholics think that alcohol solves problems. Normal people go find solutions that aren't in a bottle. Recovery allows us to learn to do the same. A months abstinence won't reset the broken off-switch either. If / when you start drinking again, if you're an alcoholic it'll be back to the same old, same old.

If we want something different, we need to be willing to do something different.

Sounds like you have a great friend there. Why not suggest going to do some fun things that aren't bar-based with her?

BB

Rar

Count me as another who agrees with Dee. 5 days is very early. I have been invited to trivia night here at one of the bars, but haven't gone yet. I know it would probably be fun, but everyone whom I would go with drinks (I don't know how they drive home in this traffic).. The bar situation doesn't bother me, but being the nondrinker is still difficult for me. Hang in there. Get stronger before you attempt bar situations.

Obladi

First off, congratulations on maintaining 5 days of sobriety. I know what a huge accomplishment that is because those earliest days are the hardest. You done good.

You may most certainly do whatever you want. If you want to start the process of drinking all over again, you are welcome to it. But why? Could you really have just one drink and stop at that? How many times could you do that without going off on a bender?

Let's be clear. You have every right to your intense feelings over your ex. Sounds like he was emotionally unavailable if not abusive. No support whatsoever to you as a person unless you were drinking. A scoundrel. I dislike him myself. But he did not cause your drinking. You caused your own drinking by choosing to consume the stuff. Sure, it was a mechanism to cope with the guy's distance. I get that - I've done it myself and it was mighty effective as long as it worked for that purpose. Thing is, it grew into something bigger - a way of living. For that I am responsible. There was no way I could see it while I was still drinking. My addicted brain wanted nothing to do with healthy thoughts, it just wanted to keep on drinking and I was "happy" to oblige. (There was nothing happy about it.)

Sure, there may come a day when you cave in. (Almost sounds like you think that's inevitable?) I hope you don't and are soon writing "things are so great I'm never going to cave." Soon being a relative term - I'm certainly not to "never" yet but hope to be so one day.

Let's do this thing.
O

Banjoist

One suggested change to your statement to your friend: “I made myself drink when I was around my ex who treated me poorly.”

The cause of or drinking is ourselves, not outside stimuli. Plenty of people experience toxic relationships but not everybody picks up a glass. The secret is to find out how to deal with life and emotions without using poison to drown it all...and I think we are all learning that together here!

PalmerSage

I have to admit that I'm a little shocked that you are so willing to tempt fate by going to the bar a few days after going to the ER. In the very early days, it was so important for me to focus 100% on staying sober, whatever it took, because I was in such misery at the end of my drinking. I was completely humbled and desperate, despite not suffering serious consequences YET. You're receiving very good advice here, and may want to consider new ways to respond to the emotional pain caused by your ex, as it is not the reason for your drinking but you seem to be rationalizing it as such.

D122y

Truth,

Great job on making the decision to quit for a month.

The depths of addiction required that I stay this clean this long.

I am still healing.

At 8 months clean, I was losing it. I needed a drink so bad.

That is how deeply addicted I was.

I saw a family last night at the ball game.

The Dad was so drunk he could barely talk. The sons, were not far behind. The mom and other girls were sober.

It was sad to be reminded how booze alters personalities. There were off and on drunken arguments between a son and the family. I got the impression he was still living at home.

The only reason I drank was because I am an addict.

I miss the euphoria booze gave me, but for me, the rest of the story makes it not worth it.

Thanks.

Gottalife

I can't really criticize as I did the same thing, almost, for the first few weeks of sobriety. I went to the bar quite often on my way home from meetings. I understand the attraction. My alcoholic life had been the only normal one, and this bar had been the centre of my existence for a long time. In fact I thought that was where life happened. This is normal for the alcoholic who cannot distinguish the true from the false.

There may be one difference though. I was seriously getting into the AA program and what happened as the result was that one night the truth about my "centre of the universe" was revealed to me. I never went back into that bar again.

Having recovered from alcoholism I am now free to do all sorts of thisngs that some people say alcoholics should not. Our yacht club had a fund raising quizz night in a local bar. I was on the winning tem, and it was brilliant fun. I couldn't tell you what anyone else was drinking, or how much though. Just not something I look out for.

DreamCatcher17

Congrats on 5 days! The beginning, oh how I remember those days. So that's big!!!

I believe everyone is throwing caution at you because we've all tried that slippery slope in the beginning as well, and most failed. We are sharing our experience with the rabbit hole. While I truly hope you're different than us who tried and failed (relapsed).

I think you're looking for someone to give you permission to drink, if it wasn't your friend yesterday at the bar, you'll find someone who will say yes.
I know how that goes, I was always looking for permission when I decided 8 wasn't drinking for a week, 2 weeks or a month. Someone always showed up to give me permission to drink.

I find acceptance to be key.
I had to accept it was all ME who was drinking, I made myself drink, no one else. I could have blamed my drinking habits on everyone around me, including my then boyfriend.
The realization of what I was doing was a huge turning point so was accepting the fact I was the one doing these things. No one had a gun to my head.

A lot of people like to ask for advice and not take it and learn the hard way, that was me! Until I could no longer take doing things my way, I had to give up the power.

Blessings,
DC

Delilah1

Hi Truth,

Congratulations on Day 5. I'm glad your friend was there to support you, but you need to be careful putting yourself in this situation so early in sobriety. You were tempted to drink, and that temptation is going to be greater when alcohol is right there available.

Hope Day 6 is a great one for you.

DreamCatcher17

Hey Truth,

I hope day 6 has been good to you!

tomsteve

im gonna be blunt:
i read 100% terminal uniqueness. i read someone thinking they can outsmart alcoholism better than anyone.
i read a pre meditated drunk,too.
There may come a day when I cave in

hang out in the barber shop long enough and you will get your hair cut.

Buckley3

I'm with Tom on this. 100%. Play with fire, get burnt. 5 days isn't enough to start messing with it.

For example, I believe you should think about these two lines. You're spinning a narrative. We all do it. It's important to recognize what's in the story you are telling. I read and hear this as your AV already making excuses for you to drink. It's already in motion. And you are already starting to give it permission. Worse, you don't seem to recognize it. That's the very definition of denial.

Good luck. You aren't alone. Invest some time focused on learning from the resources & experience around here and the nature of what you are dealing with. Get hyper focused on it for awhile. Everything else can wait a bit. You won't regret it.

-B

doggonecarl

Are you MIA? You had been posting a lot in the days leading up to your trip to the pub. I hope your "success" in staying sober during trivia night didn't turn into rewarding yourself by drinking afterward. Please post back and tell us how you are doing.

lessgravity

Whats up Truth?

rayna87

I went to a bar, at about the same time as you, for pretty much the same reasons...it was a regular thing I always did, and I didn’t want to disappoint my best friend. Ended up running into my aunt and her new boyfriend, which was a trigger in and of itself for me, in fact, that situation was one of a few things that contributed to my 2-week bender that ultimately woke me up to the destruction I was doing to myself. On top of that, the best friend had been drinking all day and was in no condition to be in public, could barely string a sentence together or walk straight out the front door when we left so I could drive her home. Nonetheless, I drank some serious cranberry juice, got one to-go, then polished off a La Croix on my way home from dropping her off. I could see her acting a fool, and a couple weeks prior I would’ve been right there in that same state with her, but I didn’t miss it for a second. It was quite a test to go into that environment, but I look at it as passing with flying colors and I was so proud of myself!! I understand totally where you’re coming from...but I would say listen to your friend that this does not automatically mean you can drink “normally” again.

Truthseeker11

Hey everyone! Thanks for checking in on me. Guess what? I’m 45 minutes away from WEEK one. No, going to the bar and not drinking didn’t make me want to reward myself with drinking haha. My mind definitely isn’t in that place right now. I was proud and used it to boost my confidence that I can do this. I ended up taking a last minute road trip with a friend and my kids to visit her kids in college. I’ve been here for two days and we leave tomorrow. We are staying with these college kids and I was afraid someone would break out a bottle one of these nights but no one has even mentioned alcohol. It’s been just good, clean fun. An amusement park, outlet malls, outdoor activities, and a lot of driving and talking. I honestly can’t remember one time I felt tempted to drink since coming here. I did see a sign advertising local brews and for a split second I thought it sounded so good but then the thought was gone so quickly, I was amazed.

My thinking is definitely clearer though I still feel a bit irritable and negative. But I’m finding overall I seem happier, my daughter remarked that she was happy I wasn’t drinking because I seemed happier. I slept so well last night again. Every night I’m sleeping better than I have in memory.

For reasons I don’t know, I’ve been really bloated since I quit. It’s been stressful to see once slender self so squishy in such a short time but today I bought some really cute workout clothes and I’m going to commit to a mostly raw diet for awhile to help my liver heal. I know the weight will drop off easily but it may take a month or two for my liver to get cleaned up enough to help that along. Meanwhile I’m very excited and proud to make it to my first week of sobriety! On day 2 or 3 it was such a struggle. It really IS getting easier!

Dee74

Congrats on your near week truthseeker
D

doggonecarl

Awesome!