My first day
 

Hello folks ... i found this web and found this soo helpful .... i started using alcohol beer to self medicate major traumas and losses ... anxiety and depression ... since first binge i attended gp as knew i was an alcoholic ... studied addiction at university ... irony of life ... studied theories and did very well was working in field with the most chaotic young females... crisis interventions harm reduction after years burn out ... running on cortisol and adrenaline got ill ... i was 42 had good life but was unhappy ... it took me two years before being accepted to groupwork as during assesment i was told i never met cryteria ... i presented well that time articulate confident knowing it all ... perfectionist as most of us ...in September split from co dependent 14 years marriage ... he left .. i m on sick ... with no resources ... alone with no family he was my family ... and with no safety and belonging .... no money ... imprisoned in the house over winter going through loss and grief ... and i quit straight away but made week two and lapsed ... tried by myself ... eventually got to groups loved that but never went over paws ... was so impatient ... addiction spirralled ...every lapse worse ddtos ...every lapse could not function crying drinking sleeping as insomnia hit me from September ... also every lapse taught me a lesson it was a process ... so my last lapse ended yesterday ... i m detoxing now i made first 24 hours ... and i m changing strategy towards recovery ... instead of trying to fix unfixable i decided to accept all the losses and difficulties and only focus on recovery ... i registered to this page ... i made up decision attending every day some sort of therapeutic place like recovery cafe or group or aa mtg ... and if tired just to rest ... i know the triggers ... boost and crash trying to change unchangable ... get depressed anxious boom ... i found some of aa staff wise ... like acceptance and surrender .... first time in life i surrender ... for a fixer its difficult but i can see its only way .... and take one day a time .... rest tools i pray i learn through process and hope pass paws ... it seems after it will be easier ...for years exercise was my healthy coping but i got bad knees overworked through years and now still attending gym ... but need to take it easy ... its not easy to accept though ... however i realised it is a matter of Life and Death ... if i do not change approach it will be death ...i reached end of the line... cannot drink body had enough ... mind had enough ... soul ehhh... probably it is last stage as i cannot function on beer .... and i struggle to function without but deffinitely function better without ... so whole day was reading and making plan ... changing only what i can change ... rest ...i let go as stress worry would kill me and trigger lapse.... i will write my patterns one day... how it started what underlied .... but today i am sober alone again at home but managed to stop...lets bring another day and new strategy ... thank you for being ... its awesome web ... inspiring informative and giving hope:thanks

Welcome to the family. :) If you're looking for support, you've come to the right place. :grouphug:

Welcome to SR!

Thank you ... i m in the right place and this is my new Family ... we make it together and support one another ... i m grateful . I learnt from peoples posts a lot about myself ... and on recovery .... it was like suddenly shouted Eureka ... i got it ... i m making changes but also it will be my privillage to update posts share my journey and be for others as others were for me today ps English is my second language so forgive me small grammar mistakes

Hi allishope welcome. Well done on making day 1 and trying again.

Day 2
 

I am grateful i made day two and even went to a meeting with like minded people and smiled ...talked ... listened ... life circumstances still stressful lawyer not available ... welfare officer off sick for two weeks ... normally i d be anxious ...crying but as i decided to change approach i accepted ... i did the right thing i had no control on others ... focusing on recovery ... here and now ... whatever life brings i do not need to escape pain as i accept pain is part of life ...also grateful as weather beautiful walked in park and enjoyed this only moment .... being another day of learning to let go:You_Rock_

Great job on your 2 days, allishope.
As you said, pain is part of life - took me a long time to realize we can't comfort ourselves with alcohol & expect to move forward. Troubles & challenges have to be handled with eyes wide open, not in a fog.

I'm glad it was a good day for you. :)

Hi allishope, welcome and congratulations on day two that's amazing. Remembering to be kind to yourself in those early days is what got me through, instead of berating myself for not being able to do everyday things as l usually would l told myself it was ok, when things get better the daily things would get done again. I am what is important now everything else can wait.

Good luck you've made a brilliant decision.