Day 9 and feeling fine
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 5
Day 9 and feeling fine
Hi everyone,
Nice to meet you all. I've been reading a lot of the posts which are extremely helpful, thank you, now I've decided to break cover and introduce myself in the hope that I can be of some assistance also.
This may be a long post, but here we go...
I've always been a drinker, had my first drink when I was 15 and pretty much never stopped, in my 30's now. Through university I was a fairly normal drinker, next day was back to business, the same applies for when I got my first job and eventually started my own company in my 20's. I was working really hard, and I was drinking everyday but everything was under control, I was still doing everything and more that was asked of me but drinking every night with my friends, next day I'd wake up early and crack on with the day... Never even occurred to me this could grow into a problem.
Fast forward a few years to my late 20's, a close relative passed away, I ended a very long relationship with my girlfriend, I started a new relationship with a highly abusive person (all within 3 months), my life had absolutely pounded me into the ground and I turned to my old friend, alcohol... I felt helpless, I couldn't' solve my problems so I just drank them away, again and again, over and over, fully aware of the culmination of the problems behind me until I was adequately inebriated that I'd not worry about them any more, this was the escape and it was working, so lets continue.
When I moved into full blown alcoholic mode, I had reluctantly sold my company that I worked so hard to build, I found myself with all these life problems and 2 things I never thought would be an issue, time and money. I got divorced, I left my country to start a new life, it didn't work, I got back into the same habit in a new location with new people. Drinking was the easiest way to meet people and it just grew from there.
Going forward quite a few years from those drunken hazy days, I moved again to get away from the drinking culture I had found myself in, little did I know it was going to get worse by a factor of 100.
I moved to a place where it is acceptable to walk down the street at 10am and stop in at a bar for a beer, there would be other customers drinking in the morning, it seemed "normal"... Beer is available at bars and shops 24/7 as well as delivery, not even a need to leave the house.
My drinking got so bad over the last few years it's brought me to where I am now. I've caused permanent physical damage to my body with alcohol, I couldn't focus, I became selfish, I had crippling anxiety and panic attacks constantly the morning after... The solution to which was to get drunk again and make them go away. I also got to the point of constant nausea, feeling sick all the time, and the only way I could make it go away was by drinking more and repeating the whole life sucking cycle over again. I was trapped, I was in a loop, for a long time I couldn't (and didn't want to) see the way out, the thought of stopping was enough to have me drinking more to get that thought out of my head. I was drinking 20 - 30 beers a day starting as soon as I woke up to the time I passed out at night, I would also move onto the spirits if I wasn't getting the relief I needed from beer for the nausea and depressed feeling, alcohol became my medication.
Then.... 9 days ago today, I woke up, anxious, on the edge of a panic attack, nauseous, vomiting (the usual morning routine), I was on auto pilot to goto the fridge to get a beer (my usual breakfast) and I stopped, I thought, this just isn't working anymore... I'm lucky (or not, depends how you look at it) I have income every month regardless of what I do, my rock bottom is not going to be like most, losing my job or losing a relationship, its death, i'm going to kill myself if I continue. I had a moment of clarity in a haze of hungover unfocused thoughts and it really hit me in the feels. Feelings of guilt, sadness and rage overtook me, what had I become? I was a mess, a total and utter mess. No one would be proud of what I had become.
I resolved to not drink that day and see how it goes, I stopped cold turkey (Never do that, its dangerous) and I endured all of the alcohol withdrawal symptoms you would expect over the next 3 - 4 days, sweats, night terrors, insomnia, hallucinations and very painful muscle cramps but I stuck with it and vowed i'd get out the other side and see what it looks like.
Day 5 I was physically and mentally exhausted, I lay in bed, TV on but not really watching, trying to keep hydrated, I felt so sick but I'm happy to say the thought of getting back on the beer made me feel worse. I couldn't eat without vomiting.
Day 6 I was picking up a little, mentally more than physically, life came a little back into focus, I started talking to people again and not ignoring all the calls on my phone.
Day 7 my body started to function a bit better, I went for a walk in this weird new sober world, things looked different, interactions with people were different, I was terrified and excited, this is me, I'm back.
Day 8 was a breeze, appetite fully returned, I started cooking again, I read my books, I played my piano, i took a long walk, by 8pm I was sleeping.
Which bring me up to today, day 9, I woke up at 4am, took a 10km walk, went for a swim, started work on a new work project, cooked food, fixed a million things I had been putting off for the last few years. I feel physically tired but my mental condition is a complete 180 from 9 days ago, I'm focused, outgoing, energized, optimistic and have an appreciation for life I have not felt in the last 10 years, I forgot what it was like to just be... to be happy, to be content with what you have, to live in the moment, to not pour over the past and blame it for my alcoholism.
This is a big adjustment for me, I'm trying to take up my old hobbies again, keep active (alcohol dulled my senses so i never really felt bored) and do productive things with my day. I feel like I've been given a second chance, I can't change anything that happened before and I wish I'd taken this step sooner but like the Chinese proverb says, the best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago, the second best time is today.
So I'm resolved, it's one day at a time, I actually feel blessed, I've never felt so content and happy in my life, long may it continue.
Thanks for listening, it's been amazing to share this story with someone.
All the best,
Beeman99
Nice to meet you all. I've been reading a lot of the posts which are extremely helpful, thank you, now I've decided to break cover and introduce myself in the hope that I can be of some assistance also.
This may be a long post, but here we go...
I've always been a drinker, had my first drink when I was 15 and pretty much never stopped, in my 30's now. Through university I was a fairly normal drinker, next day was back to business, the same applies for when I got my first job and eventually started my own company in my 20's. I was working really hard, and I was drinking everyday but everything was under control, I was still doing everything and more that was asked of me but drinking every night with my friends, next day I'd wake up early and crack on with the day... Never even occurred to me this could grow into a problem.
Fast forward a few years to my late 20's, a close relative passed away, I ended a very long relationship with my girlfriend, I started a new relationship with a highly abusive person (all within 3 months), my life had absolutely pounded me into the ground and I turned to my old friend, alcohol... I felt helpless, I couldn't' solve my problems so I just drank them away, again and again, over and over, fully aware of the culmination of the problems behind me until I was adequately inebriated that I'd not worry about them any more, this was the escape and it was working, so lets continue.
When I moved into full blown alcoholic mode, I had reluctantly sold my company that I worked so hard to build, I found myself with all these life problems and 2 things I never thought would be an issue, time and money. I got divorced, I left my country to start a new life, it didn't work, I got back into the same habit in a new location with new people. Drinking was the easiest way to meet people and it just grew from there.
Going forward quite a few years from those drunken hazy days, I moved again to get away from the drinking culture I had found myself in, little did I know it was going to get worse by a factor of 100.
I moved to a place where it is acceptable to walk down the street at 10am and stop in at a bar for a beer, there would be other customers drinking in the morning, it seemed "normal"... Beer is available at bars and shops 24/7 as well as delivery, not even a need to leave the house.
My drinking got so bad over the last few years it's brought me to where I am now. I've caused permanent physical damage to my body with alcohol, I couldn't focus, I became selfish, I had crippling anxiety and panic attacks constantly the morning after... The solution to which was to get drunk again and make them go away. I also got to the point of constant nausea, feeling sick all the time, and the only way I could make it go away was by drinking more and repeating the whole life sucking cycle over again. I was trapped, I was in a loop, for a long time I couldn't (and didn't want to) see the way out, the thought of stopping was enough to have me drinking more to get that thought out of my head. I was drinking 20 - 30 beers a day starting as soon as I woke up to the time I passed out at night, I would also move onto the spirits if I wasn't getting the relief I needed from beer for the nausea and depressed feeling, alcohol became my medication.
Then.... 9 days ago today, I woke up, anxious, on the edge of a panic attack, nauseous, vomiting (the usual morning routine), I was on auto pilot to goto the fridge to get a beer (my usual breakfast) and I stopped, I thought, this just isn't working anymore... I'm lucky (or not, depends how you look at it) I have income every month regardless of what I do, my rock bottom is not going to be like most, losing my job or losing a relationship, its death, i'm going to kill myself if I continue. I had a moment of clarity in a haze of hungover unfocused thoughts and it really hit me in the feels. Feelings of guilt, sadness and rage overtook me, what had I become? I was a mess, a total and utter mess. No one would be proud of what I had become.
I resolved to not drink that day and see how it goes, I stopped cold turkey (Never do that, its dangerous) and I endured all of the alcohol withdrawal symptoms you would expect over the next 3 - 4 days, sweats, night terrors, insomnia, hallucinations and very painful muscle cramps but I stuck with it and vowed i'd get out the other side and see what it looks like.
Day 5 I was physically and mentally exhausted, I lay in bed, TV on but not really watching, trying to keep hydrated, I felt so sick but I'm happy to say the thought of getting back on the beer made me feel worse. I couldn't eat without vomiting.
Day 6 I was picking up a little, mentally more than physically, life came a little back into focus, I started talking to people again and not ignoring all the calls on my phone.
Day 7 my body started to function a bit better, I went for a walk in this weird new sober world, things looked different, interactions with people were different, I was terrified and excited, this is me, I'm back.
Day 8 was a breeze, appetite fully returned, I started cooking again, I read my books, I played my piano, i took a long walk, by 8pm I was sleeping.
Which bring me up to today, day 9, I woke up at 4am, took a 10km walk, went for a swim, started work on a new work project, cooked food, fixed a million things I had been putting off for the last few years. I feel physically tired but my mental condition is a complete 180 from 9 days ago, I'm focused, outgoing, energized, optimistic and have an appreciation for life I have not felt in the last 10 years, I forgot what it was like to just be... to be happy, to be content with what you have, to live in the moment, to not pour over the past and blame it for my alcoholism.
This is a big adjustment for me, I'm trying to take up my old hobbies again, keep active (alcohol dulled my senses so i never really felt bored) and do productive things with my day. I feel like I've been given a second chance, I can't change anything that happened before and I wish I'd taken this step sooner but like the Chinese proverb says, the best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago, the second best time is today.
So I'm resolved, it's one day at a time, I actually feel blessed, I've never felt so content and happy in my life, long may it continue.
Thanks for listening, it's been amazing to share this story with someone.
All the best,
Beeman99
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome, Beeman. Your outlook at nine days is inspirational.
I had that same "moment of clarity" where, after a night of uncontrolled drinking, I saw exactly what my drinking had become and where it was taking me. I vowed then to quit. But unlike the hundred of other times I had said I was going to quit, this was different. A switch had gone of.
I struggled in the beginning. But like you, I experienced the blessings of sobriety pretty early. Haven't drank since Sept 2010 and give thanks every day.
Originally Posted by Beeman99 
I had a moment of clarity in a haze of hungover unfocused thoughts and it really hit me in the feels. Feelings of guilt, sadness and rage overtook me, what had I become? I was a mess, a total and utter mess. No one would be proud of what I had become.
I struggled in the beginning. But like you, I experienced the blessings of sobriety pretty early. Haven't drank since Sept 2010 and give thanks every day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
But unlike the hundred of other times I had said I was going to quit, this was different. A switch had gone of.
I struggled in the beginning. But like you, I experienced the blessings of sobriety pretty early. Haven't drank since Sept 2010 and give thanks every day.
I struggled in the beginning. But like you, I experienced the blessings of sobriety pretty early. Haven't drank since Sept 2010 and give thanks every day.
I know how you feel about the switch, something just triggered me and that was that. I'm thankful for this opportunity to get my life back as it really was taken away from me, I'm sure a lot of people can relate...
It's very inspirational to see you have not touched a drop since 2010 and are enjoying this new life, I hope many more can follow in your footsteps.
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