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I need a plan. Where do I find one?

Old 07-23-2018, 07:45 PM
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I need a plan. Where do I find one?

That's a joke, of course. I have been so inconsistent with my participation here that I thought I would start my own thread. Perhaps I'll feel more committed to it that way. Anyway, I'm a classic binge drinker. Easy peasy to stay off the stuff Monday through Thursday--not that I haven't abused on those days or, for that matter, several days in a row. But anyway, who is that has "ism--incredibly short memory" in their signature? That's me to a T. I will wake up on Saturday feeling great, having somehow miraculously (poor choice of words, but strategic) not gotten drunk on Friday night, which is the norm, and tell myself, this is great, see how good it feels not to drink, let's repeat this experiment and not drink at all this week. Then happy hour comes along and I have no defense (seemingly, we always can say no) against the AV. And so it goes. I identify with almost every thread posted here in one way or another. And yet. Powerless. I've had brief stints of sobriety. Never a full 40 days, much less 90. I'm clearly alcoholic, no debate about it. And need help. I've never been in any kind of treatment or group recovery, and I'm afraid AA isn't for me. I've read the big book and think (almost) every word rings true, but I cannot suffer group think in almost any form and my understanding of higher power is a minority view, all of which means that there may be a group out there that I could integrate, but it's one in a thousand and I'm not patient enough to find it. That's a stupid attitude when talking life and death, and maybe one day, I'll break and just suck it up, snuff out my foolish pride and walk the halls, but I'm not there yet. So there's SR for now. Lots of love and good vibes from this place, and I'm hoping to be more active and negotiate the road to recovery, because the alternative is untenable.

So in all seriousness, how do you keep sobriety front and center? I've had multiple epiphanies that felt like "this is different," "I know I can't drink safely or like normies." But then amnesia kicks in and I fall into the same pattern of maybe drinking "reasonably" 2 or 3 times out of four, but holy hell the unreasonable times should be enough for me to swear it off for good. Which I do, until the next time. It's time to break the cycle for good.

Thanks for listening..

speaking of listening, just happened to have Neil Young's Cortez the Killer playing on the iPod just now: "I still can't remember when or how I lost my way" Dang, that rings true. He's gotta be my favorite guitarist of all time. And though Cortez is naive to a fault, it's still a brilliant song.
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Old 07-23-2018, 08:28 PM
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Might have been a joke but this is a great start for planning and keeping recovery front and centre

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

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Old 07-23-2018, 09:04 PM
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I'm not an avid AA'er and will admit, I was scared to go because of the 'higher power thing'..anyways..2yrs and some change of drinking on/off, after joining here and a .32(?)bac DUI,crashing my truck into a wall and the judge said; "I think you need some AA"..It really got my head on straight..I haven't been in month's,but I'm also about 19mo(minus 1 night) without booze,so..yeah..it works. "Take what you want and leave the rest" thing..
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