Laura3

Thanks. For now I'm just focusing on getting through the withdrawals of alcohol. I have a vague idea of what I'm going to do in the future and if it doesn't work completely, at least I'll be in a better place.

Truthseeker11

You are very right about active alcoholics and users triggering our childhood traumas. But I don’t think that holds true of all recovering alcoholics and users at all.

I, too, disowned most of what little family I have left. My sister may be dead I don’t know, she was a heroine addict when I last spoke to her ten years ago. All I had left was my aunt and she’s addicted to Xanax and other pills that make her very selfish, ungrateful and toxic to me. I don’t have many friends either. I’ve stuck by very neglectful alcoholic boyfriends in an effort to relive my traumas but this time fix and heal them. That has never worked and it never will. My mom was an alcoholic my whole life and died from early onset Alzheimer’s. Lack of family is part of why I drank so much, usually alone because I felt I couldn’t relate to all these people I knew at the bar who had family and friends. It just made me feel even more of an outsider and a born loner.

AnvilheadII

It was a disease passed on from my family

you family did not intentionally GIVE you a disease. nor did having a genetic predisposition to addiction mean that you WOULD become an addict. that took active effort on your part.

now is the time to own your own stuff. in that was you can effectively deal with it. blame doesn't get us anywhere, except full of resentments.

Laura3

You seem to be offended, it isn't about blame, I just don't enjoy their company. Too many traumatic childhood nights of what they considered fun. Too many bad experience with them in adulthood.

tomsteve

laura, i can guarantee anvilhead wasnt offended- it would take a lot more than any of us here to offend her. what she was refrring to is your statement here:
I didn't choose this life. It was a disease passed on from my family
that was blaming your family for where your at today.
ya have the choice today to keep going on like you are or get into action of recovery- whether the disease was passed on or not.

i dated a woman that was born drunk on a pool table in a bar.
she's 20 years sober now.

Laura3

Still missed the point. I know people who genuinely enjoy the company of other addicts. That's what I meant, that the familiarity of being with these people is what led me to them, not enjoyment

Laura3

In the end I even broke up with a man who enjoyed their company when I wanted to knock them out. I wasn't enjoying the parties unless I had enough to get me messed up enough to not care. I've assaulted people when exes refused to get to tell friends to leave etc

Laura3

In the end I've been a nasty drunk. I punched a few people at the bar a couple of weeks ago

Laura3

I had a neighbour trying to date me he was always with them doing drugs, drinking. I punched him one night, kicked him out a few times. He thought he was cool with his gang of losers

Laura3

It's from the powerlessness of my childhood when they his nothing from me, couldn't sleep at night from the music, etc

Anna

I hope you find some peace, Laura.

Laura3

The hatred runs deep. A childhood surrounded by drunken coked up idiots all the time, my needs weren't met.

Laura3

Thanks Anna

Laura3

I had to quit hard drugs because I didn't trust myself with these people anymore. A dealer pursued me lately, I've been thinking of hanging him by his balls. I blocked his calls. He would call me to complain I wasn't buying anything

Dee74

I made a decision a long time ago now that my past would no longer define me.
It wasn't easy to face some of that stuff - and I had some counselling help - but it was far better than drinking and using and obsessing over the past.

I wish you peace too Laura but you're not going to find it raking over old resentments again and again.

I'm not saying your pain isn't valid - but how long do you carry around the pain caused by other people?
D

tekink

I have a feeling most of us addicts were also raised by addicts. That’s pretty common.

Laura3

It's called PTSD, my brain is out of balance

Laura3

Yes but my upbringing was extreme.

Laura3

I'm just so tired of it since the day I was born dealing with very sick people, with no morals or class. I was born into the wrong life.

Laura3

Then there's the abuse and neglect, I've lost respect for a lot of people. Known a lot of narcissistic people and sociopaths