StellaBlu

Hi Laura and welcome.

Your statement above made me think that perhaps you have PTSD or unresolved childhood trauma. Granted I’m doing ptsd work now so I perhaps have a ptsd lens right now. Your comment above about having so much conflict with others may suggest this. And I can understand why you would want professional help.

However to everyone else’s point, if You can get to the point in which you can take the support from others (ie ex addicts) while leaving the
rest, that may prove to be quite useful to you. In other words, take what you need from AA meetings and try working with that?

Laura3

Yes, you're right. Active addiction was a nightmare for me because they would always trigger me. I find the same thing happens in recovery groups. It's a long road to resolving pts so I'm going to stick to getting a counselor or a group run by a counselor.

Laura3

I remember my first meetings many years ago I couldn't stay in the room, I'd go out to smoke constantly and when it was my turn to speak I told the group I have issues because of people like them. If I wasn't raised by people like them I wouldn't be there.

Truthseeker11

I understand that feeling. I’ve been to four different ones and only yesterday did I find a group that I felt was just right for me. There were lots of both genders, all ages, tattooed 20 something’s, younger women, middle women, there were even some really rather good looking guys but I was warned against the “13th step” lol. Some people really were friendly and introduced themselves and I got the feeling finally that I might actually enjoy this group. It was large too, maybe 35-40 people so I felt I could just sit in the back and listen.

I do find the repetition of the steps and everything a bit odd but I guess it’s for all the newcomers. There were five of us newcomers. My advice would be to check out some different ones because I too felt the same as you. I still don’t think it’s exactly for me but I actually liked this interesting group of characters and I would like to go back. The one I went to the day before didn’t seem like “my people”, no judgement it just wasn’t a good fit for me.

Truthseeker11

Oh and congrats on 3 days! I went through hell on day one so I needed help but you are tough to get through delirium, not the safest but I’m glad you’re ok. Day 4 starting here and I’m feeling stronger. A good therapist sure helps too. I found mine on psychology.com I think. They all have their profiles on there and I liked what she had to say and she turned out to be a really good fit for me. Alas, my insurance is about to run out so I can’t see her anymore but it was great for a year.

Laura3

Congratulations, I'm also on day 4. I would like meetings but I believe it is probably not good for me.

Gottalife

That's very perceptive of you Laura, and absolutely true. Where did you get the idea that meetings were the solution? I have seen a lot of people try to get sober by just going to meetings. For the non alcoholic hard drinker, it seems to work, but for the alcoholic described in the book Alcoholics Anonynous, it doesn't work at all.

Some of the other old AA hands say the same thing, just going to meetings and not drinking does not treat alcoholism.

Here are a couple of scenarios that I have seen pan out a few times now. There is the person with responsibilties perhaps, that cant get to very many meetings. Say one or two a week. But they find a sponsor and work the steps between meetings. (Most of the work of getting sober is done away from meetings). They get the steps done for the first time, in a couple of months.

Then there is the other path, loads of meetings, maybe a life coach type sponsor, and no action on the steps.

Which works out best? Well, if they have the same starting point, chronic, hopeless alcoholics who have lost the power of choice in alcohol, I will back the steps ahead of meetings anytime. JME.

I also got your point about the narcissistic aunt in AA, and it is a terribly sad one.

I met a chap, Bernie was his name, the partner of my house keeper. Bernie was dying from a brain tumor and wanted to get some things off his chest. He had no axe to grind. He told me he had been sober for twenty years on his own. It had not been easy or comfortable, in fact it was often worse than the drinking. He rejected AA because of his father.

It turns out his father was in AA and had been a horrendous dry drunk in the privacy of his own home. The guy was highly thought of in the fellowship, he called him Mr AA, but his behaviour did not match his words.

It's like the story of the fellow sharing in a meeting "Well, my day didn't go to well today. I slept in and was late for work. My boss tried to pull me up on it, but I told him where to get off. My collegues were a bit titchy too, and I gave one of them a good serve. On the way home the driver in front was going to slow, so I pulled up beside her and gave her a good earful. Got home, kicked the dog, smacked one of the kids and yelled at the wife. But I didn't drink so that makes me a winner!"

Bernie's greatest regret was that he let his father keep him out of AA. He felt he missed out on a lot, and if my experience is anything to go by, he was absolutely right.

Don't let the actions of a few rob you of the wonderful life that can be found through the AA program (not just the meetings).

Originally the meetings were a place where one could go to be inspired by the success of others working the program. To talk about how to tackle it, what the resulting experiences were like, I mean the big book is clear that it was the common solution that held the fellowship together.

You might find big book study meetings more to your liking. They tend to be drama free, and focussed on bring the solution into our daily lives.

Good luck.

Laura3

I wasn't thinking clearly, I just wanted to stop drinking. I didn't know what I wanted. Now with a clearer mind I remember what the meetings were like. I also got professional help in the past and found it to be more effective.

Laura3

I actually wasn't inspired by the meetings, I was discouraged. I saw people who did nothing with their lives for years, no work or school, nothing but meetings and I didn't want that. Or the people who simply got other addictions to religion, sex, the meetings.

Laura3

What I want out of recovery is to live a life of purpose. To build a future, go out to real social events, do things I enjoy, not to have my life revolve around addicts and alcoholics

Laura3

If I won't live a life of purpose I don't see the point in recovery. Sitting around drinking or sit around talking about drinking, what's the difference? On occasion yes but not as a lifestyle

Hawkeye13

What kind of specific goals do you have to build a life of purpose?

Sometimes beginning to define what you want helps you let go of what you don't want.

The addiction fills a void, but implosion is inevitable if something doesn't refill the space recovery vacates.

tomsteve

instead of what you WONT do for recovery, how about talking what you WILL do for recovery.

Laura3

I'm probably going to wait until I move back to the city in a couple of months. There are more services available there. I will get a counselor and work out a plan for achieving my goals. My goals for now are becoming more financially stable, planning a future career and building friendships with people other than addicts and alcoholics. I should also download the steps and do some work on my anger and resentments. Meetings would be good for me right now in the beginning but it's nearly impossible for me right now, they aren't around when I need them.

DontRemember

Hopefully once you get some sober time you'll stop seeing/reffering to people as "addicts/alcoholics" and own your stuff and see them as people just like you. Humility is a great thing and leads to a positive life.

Laura3

I'm not clean and sober. I'm taking pills. I don't think I could do this without them. I'm not referring to them as non human, I am one myself. I'm referring to them this way because it's the topic, that I have issues being around certain people.

Laura3

Some people choose this life. They enjoy each other's company. They also enjoy their company in recovery. I didn't choose this life. It was a disease passed on from my family and I spent my childhood wishing I was somewhere else. I spent my adult years wishing I was somewhere else. I'm not one of them.

ScottFromWI

You can still choose a different life. Swallowing pills or drinking alcohol is a conscious decision we each make, regardless of our heredity or environment.

Certainly some of us might be more predisposed to becoming addicted to a substance, but quitting is still an option - for anyone. It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it is possible - even for you.

Laura3

[QUOTE=ScottFromWI;6963900]You can still choose a different life. Swallowing pills or drinking alcohol is a conscious decision we each make, regardless of our heredity or environment.

Certainly some of us might be more predisposed to becoming addicted to a substance, but quitting is still an option - for anyone. It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it is possible -

Any or most doctors would recommend pills during severe alcohol withdrawal. My point is I don't enjoy the company of other addicts. Even when I was using a lot I would dislike them and kick them out all the time because they ruined my childhood and I never really wanted to end up with them so part of my recovery should be avoiding these people and making more healthy relationships. I won't find a safe haven in a meetings group.

ScottFromWI

I understand that very clearly, and i'm not trying to argue with you or dispute that you don't like the recovery meeting environment.

My suggestion that you can still make the choice to quit ( and do it ) is irregardless of your stance on recovery meetings. You already have what it takes built inside you, just like all of us do/did.