whopper

Been sober a while now, like 6 months but I still carry a lot of hate with me. Its pretty much the same as when I was drinking and its not going away.

Things I hate in no particular order:

moving to the city- crime all over the news. I came from a town with no shootings or anything so its really shocking to me when I see it everyday. Some shootings are really close to me.

Neighbors: previous neighbor in this city expected me to help them. I did and when I stopped they gave me dirty looks. Now since when was it my job to cut their lawn and clean their snow? Do they do mine? No. But I still hate them cause they think its my job, but where is the pay? Not even 1 cent. So I stopped. And they kept blocking my driveway with their big truck like if they are better than me. In fact they tried to tell me they are better than me by saying they are bramans. wtf is a braman?

New neighbor- been helping her for 5yrs, shovel snow and mow the grass between our driveways. She threatened to sue me! Why? Cause I pressure washed the walkway between our houses. The space is wide enough to drive a suv between our houses but still she threatens to sue me for damaging plants! I looked on her side and the plants don't exist!
She also told off my mother this year. Something about us bla, bla throwing garbage. We don't throw garbage! Now I won't mow her grass or shovel her snow anymore!

Cops- just hate them. Tried to blame me for causing an accident when I was clearly not to blame. I was only cleared of all charges when witnesses came forward. But the cops said it was all my fault and they were charging me before the witnesses came forward.
Had police friend. Turned out he was doing fraud and was fired. So much for believing in police! Also they accused me to being a drug dealing king pin in this city! But how can they when they are doing fraud? So I hate them too.

How do I get rid of this hate? Stopping drinking isn't helping.

tekink

There's probably things to be afraid of no matter where you live. I lived in a tiny town in alaska and the bears where freakier than living around Detroit. There was this shortcut path through the woods to a back road bar, it was nerve wracking.

It really ends up being how you look at things.

kevlarsjal2

For me the best cure for hate is compassion and acceptance. And believing that there are 2 sides to every medal.

Gerard52

Hating someone is like buying them poison and then drinking it yourself. Same for anger, let it go.

lessgravity

Sounds like lots of wasted energy.

january161992

the (AA) book says that resentments are our #1 offender - that they destroy more alcoholics than anything else.

for us to drink is to die so resentments have the power to actually kill!

thankfully God gives us tools to deal with this


praying for someone we resent and wishing them well even if we dont mean it for 2 weeks and the resentment will be lifted!

honestly try it

Anna

I think you could decide to stop doing things that you think you should do, if you don't want to do them. If you clear your neighbour's driveway because you think you should and you resent it, then don't do it. If you feel it's an act of kindness to clear their driveway, whether or not they seem to appreciate it, then do it.

whopper

I forgot to mention that when I browse a department store the floor walkers follow me around like if I am shoplifting! But I have never shoplifted.

So I should just be treated like a criminal in everyday life? Can i beat them into their senses with a metal bar? Or will this make me a criminal cause I am looking for equality in society.

whopper

The whole way I get treated makes me want to drink. I could go on and on. Its like how they singled me out at a US airport to go thru the bomb detecting machine first and question me 1st out of hundreds of people. Is this a co-incidence? I think not. Its also a big part of the reason why I don't work anymore for 2yrs now. Cause I didn't have equality in the workplace, which led me to drink. I can't go back to work until I get equality. If they don't give equal rights to me I will for sure be the angry dog that I am and will make their existence a living hell. Is this how they treat everyone in society? What if I was a blue eyed blonde like Pamela Anderson, do you think she gets treated this way?

whopper

I should just go back to drinking until I get equal rights. Till then they can pay me welfare.

Dee74

I was angry for years too. I like Annas suggestion of doing things only if you want to, and doing them without the expectation of getting something back.

I had a sense of entitlement too - I felt I was a good person and shouldn't good things come to good people?

I had a lot of resentment about the way people treated me., and yet I treated myself and thought about myself pretty poorly too.

When I started to love myself again, I found that radiated out a little and people started treating me better,

Think about the face you present to the world.
Change what you can and try really hard to accept the rest.

Anger can also be a part of depression too - is depression a long time condition for you?

there are some useful ideas here too

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au...y.pdf?sfvrsn=4

whopper

Yes I do feel depressed as well. Its due to being lonely and not existing in any society. I don't have any outside communication besides being here on SR.

Dee74

I think that kind of isolation can be a factor in hate, be it self hate or hatred for others.

Do you want outside communication, whopper?

D

ScottFromWI

Have you ever spoken with a mental health professional about your depression or hatred for others?

whopper

I talked out being depressed with my gp. I was referred to a psychiatrist but they deemed me normal since I wasn't hearing voices or anything like that. I was taking an anti depressant for a while and that helped for a bit but sometimes the underlying feelings of why I was drinking is still here.

ScottFromWI

If you have the ability, I'd suggest speaking with a therapist or counselor. An MD and sometimes even psychiatrists are sometimes more concerned with the physical than the mental. A therapist can help you explore the issues and sometimes even just talking about them can be very therapeutic. It's a lot less expensive than a doctor or a psychiatrist too. Your hate and resentments are definitely something that you could explore.

tomsteve

treat people the way you want to be treated.


"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love."

D122y

Whopper,

I don't usually chime in when threads already have this much support, but I had something new to offer.

It has taken the better part of 3 years for most of my resentment to dissipate.

It is a magical feeling and motivates me to never drink again.

I don't take meds and I am not sure I would be this well if I was.

I try to eat healthy, exercise regularly, and get my sleep.

Thanks.

Ken33xx

When I got sober I hated my job but I couldn't afford to quit.

So I stuck it out for three years and when something better came along I jumped on it.

I disliked a company I was doing business in the States for the past eight years. But again I wasn't in a position to end the relationship. Still I made plans and when the opportunity came we parted ways.

If you're unhappy take steps to change things. Some things you can and some you can't.

And when I can't tell the difference I ask for help.