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My goal is 30 days sober. Then I donít know.

Old 07-23-2018, 06:51 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I think most of us hoped that a little time off would be enough to reset our relationship with alcohol, but alas for me it was not to be.

Don't confuse abstinence for control.

I think alcoholism is progressive and even if you were once a normal drinker, you're not now...

Sorry if this reads harshly but honestly truthseeker - normal drinkers don't usually find themselves in the ER...and then start bargaining ways to drink three or four days later.
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Old 07-23-2018, 07:48 PM
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I have very much thought about the effects of this on my kids. They too are great kids and Iím very blessed, straight A students, very wise for their age, funny, but my 11 year old is really controlling of her surroundings and it concerns me that itís my fault. That she feels itís the only thing she can control. Luckily the worst of my drinking has been done when theyíre with their dad on weekends or late at night when theyíre asleep. But it doesnít matter because I still live like and behave like an alcoholic and they sense Iím out of control even if they donít see me drunk. It makes me very sad. Like someone else here said, Iíve tried to quit for them but that wasnít even enough. My health scares werenít even enough until finally this last time around when I went to the ER. My mom died a long slow death from dementia. She got it around she 54 and died at 64. Iím 44, no doubt I have damaged my brain. I never ever want to get Alzheimerís or put my kids through that, it was utter hell on us all.

I read today that the damaged parts of your brain have a burst in cell regeneration one week after abstaining from alcohol and then another big burst of regeneration right before the end of the first month and then it just keeps healing and regenerating. That gave me a lot of encouragement. Yes my AV is trying to bargain but Iím only Day 3, wonít it lose power as each day goes by? It will never go away I know that, but it wonít be so strong. Iím definitely depressed right now, and scared as hell, but when I think about alcohol and what it REALLY does to us and not the lies, Iím grossed out.

Iím losing the ďboyfriendĒ, Iíve already texted him about my ordeal and he really has no response. Just the typical ďI canít be confronted with emotions. I have two things right now, my job and the bar. Iíll be in the moment with you if youíre here but otherwise you donít really exist and I donít know how to care. But do you need some wine, a pizza?Ē Itís just incredible. Heís a gentle soul but so toxic to me. It hurt so much for my pain to be blown off like that. Hence the really strong desire to drink right now. But Iím going to sit here with this pain and not fight it. Itís all we can do.
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Old 07-23-2018, 07:51 PM
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If taking a 30 day break was enough for most folks to 'reset' back to their previous tolerance, rehabs and AA wouldn't exist. I sincerely hope that it works for you, but since you've been part of SR for three years it might be worth considering what your plan B is if you find that you cannot moderate. As they say, "nothing changes if nothing changes."
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Old 07-23-2018, 07:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle View Post
If taking a 30 day break was enough for most folks to 'reset' back to their previous tolerance, rehabs and AA wouldn't exist. I sincerely hope that it works for you, but since you've been part of SR for three years it might be worth considering what your plan B is if you find that you cannot moderate. As they say, "nothing changes if nothing changes."
You are right. Iím just scared. Scared of failure. What Iím doing is just hoping that after those 30 days Iíll realize I donít miss it at all and donít want it. I know thatís unrealistical. I guess I need to take one day at a time more realistically. Right now Iím literally taking one hour at a time. I just realized I have to get on my bicycle and go for a ride, thatís one more weapon I have to pull out today. I did AA, I read a lot on here, I kept busy with work, I ate well, and Iím still hurting enough to feel tempted. So Iím going on my bike now. Anything to take my mind off the booze. Is Day 3/4 the hardest or something? I remember getting past a week and feeling like it all started getting easier but I donít remember quitting ever being this hard the times that I did.
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Old 07-23-2018, 08:18 PM
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How about just get to the 30 . Then come back here and tell us about it. In the meantime, keep a list of all the positive's vs. negative's that occur during the first 30. I'm betting that one column have far more written on it then the other. Good luck!
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Old 07-23-2018, 08:31 PM
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Do you really think you can 'outsmart' your vice? I'd start with "1 day at a time" and go from there. Are you doing anything besides just not drinking? I could get smashed tonight and not drink tomorrow,but there's no point and no gain for me. I don't drink anymore. I had to work for my mental state/sobriety. It's very rare someone posts here if they can just stop and be content(not white knuckling).
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Old 07-23-2018, 08:35 PM
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"Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane."

Craig Ferguson


I read this today and I sooo agree. What you are thinking and feeling is part of the struggle alcohol do change your brain in such way it takes everything and still comes back for you at the end. Keep trying who knows what may happen along the way
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Old 07-23-2018, 09:14 PM
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First, it's great that you are posting your thoughts, and thinking things through. I am definitely in the camp of people who thought moderation was something I could do, and I could for a few days, but even during those few days the thoughts of how much can I drink and stick to my moderation plan were bouncing through my head. Then a few days passed, and I thought well, I can have a little more, then the bargaining began, and soon enough I was right back to where I was.

Try to just focus on the moment, mindfulness really helped me. You are not drinking for today, and then repeat the same thing tomorrow. Over time the thoughts of drinking lessen, and then one day you will realize you didn't even think about alcohol that day.

I now have over two and a half years sober, and I woukdn trade it for anything.

You can do this Truth, it is really one day at a time.
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Old 07-23-2018, 09:15 PM
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Originally Posted by lessgravity View Post
There's no such thing as moderation.

Those who need to moderate can't, those who can moderate don't need to.
Wow I love this quote.

I've done the reset so many times its not funny. Go 30d or so and then I tell myself, "See - I can moderate." And maybe I do for a while, but I always end up back at a bad place.

A week or so ago we had a trivia party with a bunch of friends and I watched a friend of mine have two beers (summer beers with low alc %), and then he had a glass of water and a diet coke. I don't think I've ever seen him drunk. THAT is normal drinking and is so foreign to what I would have been doing, which probably would have involved drinking the highest alcohol % IPAs I could find, and sneaking into the house to do a couple shots.
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Old 07-23-2018, 10:59 PM
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"and Iíve been unhappy my whole life so maybe Iím afraid of what happiness might feel like or that Iíll find out I just canít be happy and say **** it, I might as well drink again. I donít know what Iím really feeling."

That paragraph needs talking about. I shouldnt wonder if what lies beneath that is the reason for your drinking. Maybe go and find a really good counsellor to unravel the unhapiness and put into place a strategy to start enjoying life. I would imagine you are drinking to drown out your unhappiness but you do have a choice to resolve those issues and live a happy life alcohol free. Xx
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Old 07-23-2018, 11:05 PM
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Go to the AA meetings which I find are a great opportunity to relax and listen to the shares with an open mind. Some things will resonate with you and some won't, look for similarities not differences. It does work but it takes time.
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Old 07-23-2018, 11:47 PM
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Thank you all, there is truth in everything each one of you said and I appreciate the time you took to reach out to me. Tonight was a bit rough so I hopped on my bike on rode to my (sober) friendís house for some ice tea and conversation. He was a major alcoholic for many years and has been sober for 8 years so we had a lot to talk about with the struggles and he also had good advice. He didnít get sober through AA, I think just his of own volition after losing almost everything including his car for six months which he couldnít find anywhere. Kinda funny but also sad. Drank on the job, lost jobs, roommates kicked him out, etc.

One day at a time is tried and true but for me today it really was one hour at a time. I will definitely do this 30 days and keep a journal about it and check in here. I really donít feel like my intention at all is to celebrate it the end of it by drinking. Itís almost day 4 and my face looks better already! Iím tired and a bit down but thatís to be expected. Even my longtime friend said he never saw me so serious about something.

I truly appreciate having this place to go to. So many wise people with big hearts to spend their time helping others. Iím sure this place has changed a lot of lives. I know Iím scared but I also believe it when you say it that fear will start to dissipate with time. Iím angry at the life I wasted, I really am. I guess it takes hitting bottom to look back and finally realize just how much of your life was stolen by alcohol. Before that you just kind of donít think about it or deny it or even convince yourself itís been a good thing somehow. It got you through hard times. No it didnít. It tricked you, it just created more hard times for you. It cost me my marriage, my house, a lot of money, the career I wanted, and got me a couple of neglectful alcoholic boyfriends and dead end jobs and a crappy living situation. Not to mention a lot of humiliating public displays over the years.

AV says ďoh but remember that beautiful 4th of July party 3 years ago where you drank until 7 am with your boyfriend and everyone said how in love you were and it was the best time of your life and then he told you how much he loved you and you were grilling chicken wings outside and the sun was coming up and you were still doing shots and kissing and laughing, remember that great night?Ē Yes it was one of many beautiful memories. Funny how it tries to make me forget the times I cried endlessly because he abandoned me for weeks with no contact, or kicked me out of our hotel room or cancelled my flight when we were on vacation and left me stranded in the airport where I drank at the bar and cried to strangers and finally flew myself alone to Vegas just because I was drunk and why not and there I met another alcoholic and spent a year with him off and on with the same pattern. And now here I am again. No alcohol, you suck. You send me sick people and Iím too sick to see how sick they are because Iím sick too. Well I want to see clearly now. I want to know my worth and love myself. So Iím saying I want this liar and great deceived and destroyer out of my life. Iíll never know a healthy relationship until I do.
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:26 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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I know a guy who had a drink problem and about 30 years ago a friend of his asked him if he would like to stop, he said he did but couldnít, his friend said come to aa with me and give it an honest go for 3 months, in 3 months all the bars will still be there they are going no where and if you still want to drink by then at least you gave it an honest go so Iíll take you there myself Iíll even buy you your first drink, after 3 months his friend said will I get you that drink, he felt so good he said no, he is a solid member of aa now with a happy life so I think do the month, if you feel good try another month and another, maybe you will become the guy who gave it an honest go
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Old 07-24-2018, 01:59 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Truthseeker11 View Post
Psychologically itís so so much easier for me to aim for 30 days than to say never again. I hope people understand where Iím coming from. Iím ready for this particular challenge. I canít say never again for life.
i couldnt say never again either. i crossed the line and lost the right to have that work.
one day at a time has been workin for 13+ years for me,though.
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Old 07-24-2018, 04:02 AM
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Glad you are sharing your story and thoughts. We do each have our own, but one thing I came to realize is that it was more helpful to look for similarities to others rather than differences. And oortantly, to seek those who had the kind of life I wanted, free of my alcoholic disaster of a non-life.

I too reject the idea that an alcoholic can moderate permanently, ever.

I too deeply relate to the comments above about being the highly achieving yet devastated teen because of my home life ruled by my mothers alcoholism. It has taken many years to heal that as much as I can, and truthfully my alcoholism and now sobriety had give. Me. The most acceptance and empathy about the past and for her.

I too hope you choose permanent sobriety and far better, a life in recovery. It is worth it beyond words.
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Old 07-24-2018, 05:16 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Truthseeker11 View Post
You are right. Iím just scared. Scared of failure. What Iím doing is just hoping that after those 30 days Iíll realize I donít miss it at all and donít want it. I know thatís unrealistical. I guess I need to take one day at a time more realistically. Right now Iím literally taking one hour at a time. I just realized I have to get on my bicycle and go for a ride, thatís one more weapon I have to pull out today. I did AA, I read a lot on here, I kept busy with work, I ate well, and Iím still hurting enough to feel tempted. So Iím going on my bike now. Anything to take my mind off the booze. Is Day 3/4 the hardest or something? I remember getting past a week and feeling like it all started getting easier but I donít remember quitting ever being this hard the times that I did.
Hi Truthseeker, it IS hard. I drank for almost 30 years and was convinced that my life was over at the ripe old age of 43. The prospect of "forever" not drinking was too big to wrap my brain around - and it still is, 8 years later.

I found AA to be a godsend, but that is my path. You need to find what works for you, but I do think that few people manage to get happily sober all by themselves. Sober friends, therapists, church, aa, avrt, and many other options exist.

AA has an expression that scared the hell out of me initially: "willing to go to any length to get it." ("it" being sobriety, of course) The truth is that "any length" usually isn't all that hard: it's the willingness to do whatever it takes to get through the rough patches when our addiction calls out to us loudest. You went to "any length" last night - you hopped on your bike and sought out a sober friend. Your old self might have chosen to go to a bar instead, but you chose differently. That is the essence of sobriety - to not merely want to change your actions, but to do it every day.

This is a journey, one that I originally dreaded. My life is so much more than I expected, and it continues to grow. You CAN do this, but if you want to make it, your odds will be much better if you surround yourself with people and activities that support you as opposed to your addiction.

Keep posting - your sobriety matters to us!
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Old 07-24-2018, 05:57 AM
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I'm in the "now" camp. Anytime your brain suggests that you might want to drink now or at anytime in the future, respond, "but I don't drink now."

I hope to get to the never point but for now, simply not drinking is working for me. Each minute, hour, day that I get through is a success. There's almost no stress for me in this approach.

If targeting 30 days is useful for you, go for it. But if you find that introduces tension ("All I have to do is get through this month"), then drop that and just focus on now.

That's my 2 cents anyway.

O

p.s. Stick to your guns with the douchebag. Sounds like you are much better off alone than with him.
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