Big party... starting to freak out!!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
Drinking being a massively bad idea was never a reliable impediment for me.
I could always/mostly figure a way around the massive-ness of the wrong-ness. I could negotiate and bargain and ultimately agree with my AV and have more drinks.
Ignoring the AV means I had to remove all the qualifiers massive/small , good/bad no matter, no more drinks.
I could always/mostly figure a way around the massive-ness of the wrong-ness. I could negotiate and bargain and ultimately agree with my AV and have more drinks.
Ignoring the AV means I had to remove all the qualifiers massive/small , good/bad no matter, no more drinks.
A couple of thoughts spring to mind.
On your husband's idea to let your friends know about your alcoholism - you have possibly eard the saying that "your secrets will kill you" and this is an example. My friends know about my alcoholism, On more than one occasion that has resulted in them saving me from accidentally injesting alcohol. It has also resulted on one or two coming to me for help over the years. It has been a decidedly positive thing. I say it saved my life because I am certain that I would not recover from another drink. The illness has progressed too far.
Second is a matter of priorities. How important is it to stay sober?If you suffer from alcoholism,we know it is a progressive terminal illness, and the only know solution is complete abstinence, so that is pretty high priority I would say.
If you are just white knuckling it, the reality is you may be going into a situation with no adequate defense against the first drink. You only need to drop your guard for three seconds, thats how long it takes for someone to offer you a drink and you to drink it. Most relapses begin in such a thoughtless and casual way.
So, let's say you a suffering a different kind of terminal illness, and say, on the day of your party, you have a critical appointment for the treatment of the illness, which if missed, will likely cause major complications. What do you do? Cancel the party or cancel the appointment?
On your husband's idea to let your friends know about your alcoholism - you have possibly eard the saying that "your secrets will kill you" and this is an example. My friends know about my alcoholism, On more than one occasion that has resulted in them saving me from accidentally injesting alcohol. It has also resulted on one or two coming to me for help over the years. It has been a decidedly positive thing. I say it saved my life because I am certain that I would not recover from another drink. The illness has progressed too far.
Second is a matter of priorities. How important is it to stay sober?If you suffer from alcoholism,we know it is a progressive terminal illness, and the only know solution is complete abstinence, so that is pretty high priority I would say.
If you are just white knuckling it, the reality is you may be going into a situation with no adequate defense against the first drink. You only need to drop your guard for three seconds, thats how long it takes for someone to offer you a drink and you to drink it. Most relapses begin in such a thoughtless and casual way.
So, let's say you a suffering a different kind of terminal illness, and say, on the day of your party, you have a critical appointment for the treatment of the illness, which if missed, will likely cause major complications. What do you do? Cancel the party or cancel the appointment?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
I think going forward and since your husband sounds problematic, you could just leave the parties to him.
Take a weekend at the beach instead.
Yeah I know that sounds like WW3, but why is what he wants more important than what you want?
As far as this upcoming party, I don't see why you can't excuse yourself up to your room at any time after the, "activities." Leave the drinkers to fend for themselves - your husband can be in charge of drinking activities. If he's not willing to accept that kind of solution then your problem is a lot bigger than you not drinking.
FWIW, I don't care if people know I used to drink too much and I've quit. They'll think what they want, regardless of the spin I might try to put on it.
Take a weekend at the beach instead.
Yeah I know that sounds like WW3, but why is what he wants more important than what you want?
As far as this upcoming party, I don't see why you can't excuse yourself up to your room at any time after the, "activities." Leave the drinkers to fend for themselves - your husband can be in charge of drinking activities. If he's not willing to accept that kind of solution then your problem is a lot bigger than you not drinking.
FWIW, I don't care if people know I used to drink too much and I've quit. They'll think what they want, regardless of the spin I might try to put on it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
I had to do my brother's 40th recently. A whole day session in the pub with family, friends, everyone drinking.
A really long meditation before hand help me a lot, and I also had a couple of self-care days leading up to it. Not letting stress creep in and doing tons of walking. I know that might be harder for you as it's your party but try and factor in some of that stuff into the run up, as it will help you manage this from a place of calm.
I also concentrated on how awful everyone looked once they's had a few drinks. They started to look distorted and we speaking utter rubbish. That helped me tap into some grateful thinking. A safety/exit strategy also sounds like a good plan. Try not to worry too much in the run up......you can do this!
A really long meditation before hand help me a lot, and I also had a couple of self-care days leading up to it. Not letting stress creep in and doing tons of walking. I know that might be harder for you as it's your party but try and factor in some of that stuff into the run up, as it will help you manage this from a place of calm.
I also concentrated on how awful everyone looked once they's had a few drinks. They started to look distorted and we speaking utter rubbish. That helped me tap into some grateful thinking. A safety/exit strategy also sounds like a good plan. Try not to worry too much in the run up......you can do this!
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Yep! I plan to pick up my kids early the next morning from their friends houses and take them out to breakfast while everyone else sleeps off their hangover.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
A couple of thoughts spring to mind.
On your husband's idea to let your friends know about your alcoholism - you have possibly eard the saying that "your secrets will kill you" and this is an example. My friends know about my alcoholism, On more than one occasion that has resulted in them saving me from accidentally injesting alcohol. It has also resulted on one or two coming to me for help over the years. It has been a decidedly positive thing. I say it saved my life because I am certain that I would not recover from another drink. The illness has progressed too far.
Second is a matter of priorities. How important is it to stay sober?If you suffer from alcoholism,we know it is a progressive terminal illness, and the only know solution is complete abstinence, so that is pretty high priority I would say.
If you are just white knuckling it, the reality is you may be going into a situation with no adequate defense against the first drink. You only need to drop your guard for three seconds, thats how long it takes for someone to offer you a drink and you to drink it. Most relapses begin in such a thoughtless and casual way.
So, let's say you a suffering a different kind of terminal illness, and say, on the day of your party, you have a critical appointment for the treatment of the illness, which if missed, will likely cause major complications. What do you do? Cancel the party or cancel the appointment?
On your husband's idea to let your friends know about your alcoholism - you have possibly eard the saying that "your secrets will kill you" and this is an example. My friends know about my alcoholism, On more than one occasion that has resulted in them saving me from accidentally injesting alcohol. It has also resulted on one or two coming to me for help over the years. It has been a decidedly positive thing. I say it saved my life because I am certain that I would not recover from another drink. The illness has progressed too far.
Second is a matter of priorities. How important is it to stay sober?If you suffer from alcoholism,we know it is a progressive terminal illness, and the only know solution is complete abstinence, so that is pretty high priority I would say.
If you are just white knuckling it, the reality is you may be going into a situation with no adequate defense against the first drink. You only need to drop your guard for three seconds, thats how long it takes for someone to offer you a drink and you to drink it. Most relapses begin in such a thoughtless and casual way.
So, let's say you a suffering a different kind of terminal illness, and say, on the day of your party, you have a critical appointment for the treatment of the illness, which if missed, will likely cause major complications. What do you do? Cancel the party or cancel the appointment?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Drinking being a massively bad idea was never a reliable impediment for me.
I could always/mostly figure a way around the massive-ness of the wrong-ness. I could negotiate and bargain and ultimately agree with my AV and have more drinks.
Ignoring the AV means I had to remove all the qualifiers massive/small , good/bad no matter, no more drinks.
I could always/mostly figure a way around the massive-ness of the wrong-ness. I could negotiate and bargain and ultimately agree with my AV and have more drinks.
Ignoring the AV means I had to remove all the qualifiers massive/small , good/bad no matter, no more drinks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 300
I just want to say congratulations on keeping sober and that I'm rooting for you to come thru this party still sober. You can't control what hubby will say, but you can control what you do. If you have a plan, you'll feel less anxious. I think a hostess excusing herself from the after-party because she has a headache and has to pick up the kids early is a very socially acceptable reason to go to bed. "I'm going to say goodnight. I have an early morning tomorrow. Loved seeing you all. Thanks for coming!" Exit stage left. You go girl.
Remember, you can drive!
If it gets bad you'll be safe to drive and can exit someplace away. Also for me after making it through an event like this it was the following days that were danger to relapse. The event was so draining that it took it all out of me. Someone mentioned stress free before, I'd also plan a breather after!
If it gets bad you'll be safe to drive and can exit someplace away. Also for me after making it through an event like this it was the following days that were danger to relapse. The event was so draining that it took it all out of me. Someone mentioned stress free before, I'd also plan a breather after!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
atlast
By all means escape away, nothing worse than having to spend time watching a drunkfest.
Lol,for the AV answer is always "No" .
" in the future, I can have just one" see the lie built in there, the false alternatives based on a false premise , yeah ? You can have just one, right now, but you have decided you Don't. You are an all growed up adult person, no such thing as 'Can't' , don't ever meet the AV half way( negotiate) , shut it down in absolute terms from jump , of course you can have all the booze You want, thing is IT can't have any if YOU Don't, too bad for it, good for You
By all means escape away, nothing worse than having to spend time watching a drunkfest.
Lol,for the AV answer is always "No" .
" in the future, I can have just one" see the lie built in there, the false alternatives based on a false premise , yeah ? You can have just one, right now, but you have decided you Don't. You are an all growed up adult person, no such thing as 'Can't' , don't ever meet the AV half way( negotiate) , shut it down in absolute terms from jump , of course you can have all the booze You want, thing is IT can't have any if YOU Don't, too bad for it, good for You
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
100% I see right through this lie!! Reading these threads has helped me to play the tape through and know what the night will look like for me if I have one sip. I refuse to go back to that!! It’s hard dealing with my AV and my hubby’s. He has a significant drinking problem so he doesn’t understand not having the first drink.... so, so draining. Doable, but effortful. Thanks for your encouragement!
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Remember, you can drive!
If it gets bad you'll be safe to drive and can exit someplace away. Also for me after making it through an event like this it was the following days that were danger to relapse. The event was so draining that it took it all out of me. Someone mentioned stress free before, I'd also plan a breather after!
If it gets bad you'll be safe to drive and can exit someplace away. Also for me after making it through an event like this it was the following days that were danger to relapse. The event was so draining that it took it all out of me. Someone mentioned stress free before, I'd also plan a breather after!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
I just want to say congratulations on keeping sober and that I'm rooting for you to come thru this party still sober. You can't control what hubby will say, but you can control what you do. If you have a plan, you'll feel less anxious. I think a hostess excusing herself from the after-party because she has a headache and has to pick up the kids early is a very socially acceptable reason to go to bed. "I'm going to say goodnight. I have an early morning tomorrow. Loved seeing you all. Thanks for coming!" Exit stage left. You go girl.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Tomorrow is the big day. I have been prepping food today and my AV was screaming at me while chopping lettuce...ugh! I know I’m in for a massive battle of wills tomorrow.
I have several escape plans, I have more than enough to do to keep me busy during the activities part of the party. It’s after that worries me. If my AV is screaming now, what the heck will it sound like tomorrow??
Anyway, I’m sure I’ll be checking in on this thread a lot tomorrow when the activities are done.
One funny thing: I’ve never hosted a party as a non-drinker and rarely gave more than a passing thought as to what non-drinkers would drink during parties. Currently, I have over 300 bottles/cans of NA drinks available... lol.
I have several escape plans, I have more than enough to do to keep me busy during the activities part of the party. It’s after that worries me. If my AV is screaming now, what the heck will it sound like tomorrow??
Anyway, I’m sure I’ll be checking in on this thread a lot tomorrow when the activities are done.
One funny thing: I’ve never hosted a party as a non-drinker and rarely gave more than a passing thought as to what non-drinkers would drink during parties. Currently, I have over 300 bottles/cans of NA drinks available... lol.
Try thinking of the AV not as some huge monster but a petulant toddler.
Let it yell scream and throw its toys around - eventually it will tantrum itself to sleep.
You have all the control here.
If you refuse to cooperate theres nothing the AV can do about it
D
Let it yell scream and throw its toys around - eventually it will tantrum itself to sleep.
You have all the control here.
If you refuse to cooperate theres nothing the AV can do about it
D
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
I like that visual of a toddler. Thanks Dee!
I was wondering how you were. It's one day, one night, in the life. You're going to feel such peace and relief when you hit the pillow sober. Whether you have to fight the AV, or you find that the AV is more silent than you expected, either way I'm confident in you. It's clear you're setting yourself up for success.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 300
We are all rooting for you! Think of this like a 10K run. You know you've run 10K around your neighborhood by yourself with no problem. Now you're doing it in front of a crowd. You've been walking around sober for a good while. Now you're going to do it in front of a crowd. Just picture us waving signs and cheering you on until your head hits the pillow. You can do it!
Or, remember the most revolting hangover you ever had from drinking, and tell yourself, "Tomorrow, quite a few of these people are going to feel like that, but not me. I'm going to get up with a clear head, clear eyes, ready for coffee (if you drink it) and a great breakfast. I'm going to greet the dawn and say, Thank you, God (or HP) I did it!"
Or, remember the most revolting hangover you ever had from drinking, and tell yourself, "Tomorrow, quite a few of these people are going to feel like that, but not me. I'm going to get up with a clear head, clear eyes, ready for coffee (if you drink it) and a great breakfast. I'm going to greet the dawn and say, Thank you, God (or HP) I did it!"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
I was wondering how you were. It's one day, one night, in the life. You're going to feel such peace and relief when you hit the pillow sober. Whether you have to fight the AV, or you find that the AV is more silent than you expected, either way I'm confident in you. It's clear you're setting yourself up for success.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
We are all rooting for you! Think of this like a 10K run. You know you've run 10K around your neighborhood by yourself with no problem. Now you're doing it in front of a crowd. You've been walking around sober for a good while. Now you're going to do it in front of a crowd. Just picture us waving signs and cheering you on until your head hits the pillow. You can do it!
Or, remember the most revolting hangover you ever had from drinking, and tell yourself, "Tomorrow, quite a few of these people are going to feel like that, but not me. I'm going to get up with a clear head, clear eyes, ready for coffee (if you drink it) and a great breakfast. I'm going to greet the dawn and say, Thank you, God (or HP) I did it!"
Or, remember the most revolting hangover you ever had from drinking, and tell yourself, "Tomorrow, quite a few of these people are going to feel like that, but not me. I'm going to get up with a clear head, clear eyes, ready for coffee (if you drink it) and a great breakfast. I'm going to greet the dawn and say, Thank you, God (or HP) I did it!"
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