wpainterw

Ancient Chinese philosophy is often helpful in recovering from alcoholism and substance abuse. For example AA’s Twelfth Step advocates reaching out and helping others, which is very commendable,. I believe that doing so is the meaning of life and the source of happiness. Accompanying its Yang or "sunny side" is its Yin or "dark side". In helping others one must beware of egotism, showing off, proudly demonstrating “Look at me! So kind! So wise! So helpful!”. Should we not look to ourselves, conscious of what we are doing, how that is being done and why we are doing it?

Bill

ChloeRose63

Matt. 6:3 "...don't let the left hank know what the right hand does."

Dee74

I've always liked this quote Bill

Gottalife

Bill, you are kind with the use of the word "commendable". It may appear that way, but there is a certain amount of self interest. Doctor Bob called it insurance against a possible slip, Ebby called it imperative if we wish to survive the certain trials and low spots ahead, and the summary of the first twenty or so years of AA experience talks about it being "vital" to permanent recovery.

That word vital is an interesting choice. Vital means essential to life. Like brain, heart and lungs are all vital to life. If any one is removed we die.

So in a sense that looks like a gun to our heads. We gotta do it or we die. That motivation never seems to last long term. It is just human nature to get tired of rigid imposed discipline. So we could be commended as far as our tolerance for the discipline goes, but that isn't very far.

The factor that keeps me interested and involved over the long term is directly down to the spiritual exeperience that came as the result of the steps. Sometimes talked about as a change of personality sufficient to overcome alcoholism, it manifested in me as a shift from extreme self centredness where I wouldn't lift a finger to help anyone else (unless there was some reward or recognition in it for me) to a point where I am very interested in my fellows and naturally want to be of help without thought of reward.

What might have been a chore or a discipline was turned into what Doctor Bob described as a "pleasure"

That wasn't my doing. It was the Power of God in my life, and that is where the commendation deserves to go. I am only doing what comes naturally, and I find it tremedously rewarding as a bonus.

August252015

Getting away from the ego- and being honest about when it is really in play, motivating us, or what we are seeking to gratify, is so important.

Gerard52

I don't think the dark side in this respect applies to people who have truly followed the steps. The prize comes from increased self respect and inner happiness from helping others and being connected.

saoutchik

Thanks for that post Bill. Reaching out and helping others is without a doubt a source of happiness and there's nothing wrong in deriving some pleasure from it as long as you don't stray into that "look at me, ain't I great" territory that you highlighted. Is that what is meant by "virtue signalling?"

trachemys

I think that when anyone stands up, out of the muck and mire of addiction, and says, "I am no longer captive" they should be feted and celebrated.

Obladi

Bill, I always appreciate it when you post.

Good reminder to watch out for the ego and truly serve others as best as I can.

O

MyLittleHorsie

As §omeone who works in non profit, I will take a healthy dose of ego to find someone willing to work...

I drink Dan Pallotta's kool-aid on a pretty regular basis. So I have very different ideology.

Berrybean

Yes. I agree that it should be done for the right reasons, and anyone working the 12th step will presumably be engaging in a step 10 inventory, looking at their own motives honestly and dealing as appropriate.

As with anything else, it's not an opportunity for taking others inventories, and that does noones recovery any favours. So yes, we should all look at our own motives, and as far as anyone else's motives are concerned, it's none of our business.

Although to be honest, I don't think anyone every said that step 12 wasn't for our own benefit to some degree, as working with other recovering alcoholics serves to help us with our own recovery. It's been said plenty of times, the 12-steps of AA is in some respects a selfish program. We give our recovery priority over other things, and we work with others because it helps our recovery. Tsk. Selfish bunch. Lol.

BB

Dropsie

Bill,

Always love to hear from you.

At its core, if you look hard enough, I fear everything is to a certain extent about us.

But, I am ok with that when you have to look for it...

XXX

wpainterw

I think that the essence of helping others is the anonymous gift. The parcel of food left by the side of the drunk person when he or she has passed out. Yet even that may have its dark side, the self congratulating inner voice saying, "How kind, how generous I am! Leaving an anonymous gift!" The Chinese philosophers were right. For every Yang there is a Yin! And I remember once, when I was detoxing in a rehab, going to the bedsides of other sufferers to "support" them, "cheer them up" as if I were thinking "I'm pretty O.K.! This fellow is less O.K. than I am! I'm helping!" I was clearly in denial.

wpainterw

Thanks Gottalife!
You are very commendable in what you say. This is God's doing, not ours. He has given us the gift of life, to help others, make the world a little better. "This is the day that the Lord hath made! Let us be joyful and glad in it!"

Bill.

Berrybean

The beatitudes in action!