Truthseeker11

And couldn’t go to work. I was so sick and I threw up a lot of bile. My hand were shaking. I had a lot of anxiety. So I thought I better drink a beer as I literally couldn’t function. It was all I could do to walk inside the gas station, I felt faint and on my way out I really wondered if I was dying. I texted my semi-boyfriend about my situation and my intent to stop drinking. He didn’t say much, just ok and he’s cheering for me. I sat in my car a block from my house and drank the beer quickly, praying for relief. The anxiety was unbearable. Eventually I did find relief and was able to drive to get some food. I nearly stopped and got another beer to take home but I felt disgusted and stopped myself. So at least I was able to do that. I’ve been in bed all day, my liver area hurts and I feel very acidic. The desire to drink isn’t in me right now. I just wanted that relief.

I’m trying to be kind to myself and just stay in bed or possibly take a little bike ride. Weekends are hard for me as my boyfriend spends weekend afternoons with his ex wife in order to see his son. It hurts me that he bends over backwards for her but can’t be there for me really. I just need to think about how sad he is, that he can’t be happy and that he is even worse off than me. Not feel jealous or resentful because that gets me wanting to drink. He can never be what I need. It’s time for me become stronger and move on from him. He has been so triggering for me. I can trace most of my drinking issues back to men, alcoholic men.

I may be here a lot to help me get through the weekend. I absolutely cannot drink. My body is clearly telling me it’s sick and can’t take this abuse anymore. Tomorrow will be tough but I know I can do it.

PalmerSage

Hi Truthseeker, what you're describing sounds pretty serious. I know you mentioned seeing a doctor, it seems like consulting with them and being completely honest about your drinking would be super helpful...what do you think?

kevlarsjal2

Hi Truthseeker, do you have anyone who can be with you right now? Detoxing alone at home can get dangerous. Maybe a good friend who can be around and call the ambulance or bring you to hospital in case your symptoms get worse?

Thinking of you! I remember going through the hell of withdrawals...

least

I'd suggest asking your doctor for short term meds to get you thru the w/d without having to drink to quell the anxiety. Anxiety is a symptom of w/d and can be helped by meds. If you can get thru the initial w/d then you can formulate a plan to stay sober.

Truthseeker11

I do have a doctor but she prescribed me Librium not too long ago, for the 4th time in a year and didn’t seem like she wanted to give me more. It’s four hours after my last beer and I feel awful so I’m having another one. I hope I don’t need one every four hours. This is all have right now to get through this, that an antihistamine I was prescribed for anxiety so I’ll take one of those. This is definitely rock bottom for me in my long drinking career.

And I’m basically alone. I do feel scared. I’ve never had w/d this bad but then again the day and morning drinking became a thing for me more recently so it makes sense that this time would be much worse. Thanks for replying.

Dee74

Hi Truthseeker

I understand seeing your Dr again might be embarrassing, but good health trumps embarrassment as far as I'm concerned.

if you feel very unwell it might be good to go see your Dr, or go to the local ER?

D
.

newhope01

Hi truth,

I would listen to what other members have encouraged and to go to the doctor's office. Also, its sounds like you have been driving while under the influence today. Please be careful with that as the consequences are horrendous and very dangerous.

skyfullofstars

Those symptoms sound like your body is reliant on alcohol so sudden withdrawal could be incredibly dangerous. Believe me, your doctor will have seen it all before, and then some. The doctor is there to help get you well again, not judge you.

And I beg you do not drive again. Even if you have not had a drink it sounds like you are in not in a healthy enough state to drive. Please don't play Russian Roulette with lives.

Get qualified medical advice, work with your doctor on a plan and then we are all here for you afterwards. Rock bottom is awful and I know you are in a dark and horrible place right now, but please do not do anything rash like driving while you are in this state of mind and under the influence or detoxing alone.

There are people who care about you in your life and we all care too. Start caring about yourself too

sonic0311

Please listen to what others said. When I quit I tried to do cold turkey and ended up having a seizure. That horrible event sealed my wanting to get sober, and I have been for a 21 months+, but I would not recommend it to anybody. Hopefully you're ok, but if not call 911, get to an emergency room, get immediate treatment, then deal with getting sober. Good luck. We're all thinking of you.

Berrybean

There was no desire to drink.... I just wanted some relief.

Well, you know there's not an alcoholic alive (active or recovered) who doesnt remoember thinking some version of that at some point. But you see, alcohol is a dounle edged sword, and drinking for 'relief ' just keeps us tied to alcohol.
Please don't let your pride keep you from seeking relief elsewhere. You can throw yourself off of the crazy carousel of alcoholism any time you choose to, but please don't think it's ever gonna slow down and stop so you can make a graceful and easy exit. That doesn't happen, which is why many of us sought help - here, from doctors,hospitals, rehab, AA, SMART, Drug and Alcohol Services.

That relief can be found elsewhere. Alcohol is not The Solution. It never is. Recovery is something that takes time and willingness to learn for relief, but is like turning on an inner tap of resources. You do have what you need. You've just got out of touch with it.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.

BB

PalmerSage

Hi Truthseeker, just checking in to see how you're doing. Please let us know!

Truthseeker11

Hi! I think I posted in the wrong forum last time. I ended up going to ER. It’s a long story. I was feeling so ill, like I was dying. Turns out my blood pressure was very high (unusual for me), my pulse was fast, I was super hot, shaky, my liver area hurt, and I told them everything about how bad my drinking had gotten. To make a long story short, they gave me IV fluids and intravenous Ativan and I felt so much relief. Liver enzymes came back a little elevated but everything else ok thankfully.

I was given Librium, a four day course, and it’s gotten me through the w/d, my blood pressure is ok now except I did go to an AA meeting today which made me proud but my blood pressure definitely felt higher when it came my turn to talk. I popped the Librium at the beginning of the meeting. I haven’t been tempted to drink at all today and I won’t. Yesterday was a low point for me and I know I can’t do this anymore.

I’m a little down right now for sure after all I’ve been through lately but I’m going to go take a bike ride now and hopefully come home take my next dose of medicine and go to bed. Thanks so much for asking! I look forward to conquering Day 2!

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you got some professional help and that things are OK with your health. Feeling a bit down/out of sorts is really par for the course early on, but it will definitely improve.

Berrybean

Glad you're getting medical attention, and that you made it to a meeting.
Just for reference, you don't have to take your turn to speak. Just say 'pass' And they'll go on to the next person.

BB

brighterday1234

Get to some AA meetings and read the Big Book. Read lots here on SR and put into action what you learn. Most important thing is to stay sober one day/moment at a time.

Verdantia

Hi, Truth. I am glad you went to the ER. Sudden withdrawal from alcohol can be deadly. When I stopped I had a couple of seizures. I wish you all the best on your sober journey--you can do this and never have to feel this way again.

PalmerSage

Truthseeker, I'm so glad you went to the ER to get some help. I really believe that you can do this!

sonic0311

Glad you're ok. You did the right thing. Continued best wishes on your journey.

Tynesider22

You always get another day one, and the best day one is your last day one.

The majority of us in here have had more than one first day, you did the right thing in going to ER, now pick yourself up, brush yourself down and try again.

Good luck and all the very best to you.