It’s time. I can’t keep going like this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 112
Thank you guys. Yes we can do this. I even think that if I work on my spirit enough in the coming days as well as the abstinence, I can go to the pub trivia and not need to drink. I’m lucky in that my friend who I go with is a non drinker, but on the other side of me sits my boyfriend. I think he wouldn’t know what hit him. I know he would be really impressed. He isn’t involved enough with me to want a drinking buddy. And I can’t let him buy wine for me anymore either. He does it because it’s the only way he can show love. That has to change. As much as this will be hard for me, it will be so much harder for him. He says he wants to stop going to the bar but so far I’ve only seen him get worse. He has gained probably 50 lbs all in his belly. I truly worry about his health. But, we are two sick people and I think distancing myself even further from him can only be a good thing. If your relationship is nothing but drinking together and the very occasional spending the night at his house, that’s not healthy.
You are right about the lies! I really don’t want to step foot inside a gas station and pollute my body and mind with those awful drinks. They’ve done so much damage to me and my life.
You are right about the lies! I really don’t want to step foot inside a gas station and pollute my body and mind with those awful drinks. They’ve done so much damage to me and my life.
I definitely would not test myself with pub trivia. I think it's way too soon. Even though you may make it through the evening, events like that are just too risky as triggers. Give yourself some space and time.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 112
Maybe skipping it is best for now.
meetings were very important for me early on. i went to a lot.
but they werent what helped me recover from alcoholism.
You really can do it Truthseeker
I was a freaking mess and terrified to quit. You just have to take the step.
It is scary but most of the fears you have are just the addiction lying to you. It takes a lot of adjustment but life without booze is so much calmer on so many levels. Not only is there a lot less drama but you can handle life so much more effectively when your not riddled with alcohol induced anxiety.
I was a freaking mess and terrified to quit. You just have to take the step.
It is scary but most of the fears you have are just the addiction lying to you. It takes a lot of adjustment but life without booze is so much calmer on so many levels. Not only is there a lot less drama but you can handle life so much more effectively when your not riddled with alcohol induced anxiety.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I was in a relationship very much like yours for 10+yrs and it got worse for us both as time went on. When I got serious about my sobriety I had to end it or keep drinking. I did not like the person she was when she was not drinking and then I did not like the person she was while drinking when I was getting sober/staying sober. Ultimate/long term "beer goggles" if you will. She was/is beautiful women from the outside,but once sober the writing was on the wall on who she is as a person, from my view of the type of people I want in my life.
I'd also skip out on the bar scene for a while if you really want to get/stay sober. 'Tests' don't go well for very long.
I'd also skip out on the bar scene for a while if you really want to get/stay sober. 'Tests' don't go well for very long.
I’m sorry you are struggling!
Don’t kid yourself about drinking and driving. You really should not drive if you have ANY alcohol. This is from someone with four DUIs on my record.
I recommend getting help, try one on one counseling, group addiction therapy, AA, Smart Recovery, anything you haven’t tried or been successful at thus far.
The reality is, if you keep drinking something bad is going to happen. It’s a progressive disease, and it only gets worse.
Don’t kid yourself about drinking and driving. You really should not drive if you have ANY alcohol. This is from someone with four DUIs on my record.
I recommend getting help, try one on one counseling, group addiction therapy, AA, Smart Recovery, anything you haven’t tried or been successful at thus far.
The reality is, if you keep drinking something bad is going to happen. It’s a progressive disease, and it only gets worse.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Welcome TS11.
You've received a lot of good advice. Keep posting. Read around. I might have missed it in your post but are you sober now?
How do you find happiness? You asked this question. My experience is happiness is a feeling. Like sadness, or loneliness or fear. It isn't a 'state' of being. It comes and goes....like all other feelings. Seeking it, at least for me, is folly. And it definitely isn't in a bottle....not that I didn't try endlessly to find it there.
Contentment. That, for me, is a state that I can achieve. If I have a baseline of contentment whatever happens from there, good or bad, is temporary. I just hope to return to contentment. And no, I'm not always content. Haha. But I try to work toward that, tweak my life as I need to.
Alcohol is chaos and havoc for me. Period.
You've received a lot of good advice. Keep posting. Read around. I might have missed it in your post but are you sober now?
How do you find happiness? You asked this question. My experience is happiness is a feeling. Like sadness, or loneliness or fear. It isn't a 'state' of being. It comes and goes....like all other feelings. Seeking it, at least for me, is folly. And it definitely isn't in a bottle....not that I didn't try endlessly to find it there.
Contentment. That, for me, is a state that I can achieve. If I have a baseline of contentment whatever happens from there, good or bad, is temporary. I just hope to return to contentment. And no, I'm not always content. Haha. But I try to work toward that, tweak my life as I need to.
Alcohol is chaos and havoc for me. Period.
I’m sorry you are struggling!
Don’t kid yourself about drinking and driving. You really should not drive if you have ANY alcohol. This is from someone with four DUIs on my record.
I recommend getting help, try one on one counseling, group addiction therapy, AA, Smart Recovery, anything you haven’t tried or been successful at thus far.
The reality is, if you keep drinking something bad is going to happen. It’s a progressive disease, and it only gets worse.
Don’t kid yourself about drinking and driving. You really should not drive if you have ANY alcohol. This is from someone with four DUIs on my record.
I recommend getting help, try one on one counseling, group addiction therapy, AA, Smart Recovery, anything you haven’t tried or been successful at thus far.
The reality is, if you keep drinking something bad is going to happen. It’s a progressive disease, and it only gets worse.
I just wanted to challenge this belief a little. I am coming from the place of a particular type of alcholic who followed a specific course of action and recovered, as opposed to the same type of alcoholic (my mother) who refused to follow the same course, and got what she got.
I didn't believe AA would work for me when I started. I only did it because there were no untried alternatives, and I could not go on as I was. I suppose I wasn't expecting much either.
They used to have a saying about writing out what you thought your life would be like after a period of AA sobriety, and read it again at the end of the period. They guaranteed I would sell my self short. And I did, by a country mile.
I had no idea what sobriety could be like so I couched my goals within in terms of reference of the alcoholic mind.
Here is an example, on the employment front. I wanted to be a cab driver. I liked driving and I liked books and it seemed to me cab drivers got to do a lot of both. The police would not allow me a license, God's way of saying he had other plans for me.
Where did I end up? Career wise I became a divisional manager in a national company, then I set up my own business, which I have had for the past 23 years and now enables me to sail the world, a life long dream.
When we get sober, we don't know what God has in store for us. But in my experience we can be reasonably sure it will be a lot better than anything we could imagine at the start of the 12 step journey.
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