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Old 07-18-2018, 11:22 PM
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Boundaries

I seem to have forgotten where the boundaries lie in conversation.
Or maybe I pushed them too far when I was a drinker now I donít seem to know where the line is.
I always mean well but can be taken the wrong way.

Just over with friends in Belgium doing work for them.
They drink I donít.
We have been to various bars over the last few nights.
I have been consistent with my banter and so have they.
But things seem to get a bit personal, and an atmosphere occurs.
It could be that old chestnut of whatís a joke at one beer is an insult after 5 beers.


Maybe Iím still a little sensitive to situations.
Maybe I didnít care before.
Maybe I didnít notice them before.
Maybe I still need to work on social challenges.

On thing is for sure I can hold conversation and not lose the thread if a different subject arises. And remember it next day.

My confidence seems to get a knock from getting a bad reaction from people.
Am I being hard on myself or is it my AV trying to put me down?
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Old 07-18-2018, 11:34 PM
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I think socialising sober is a skill we have to master.

It took me a little while to understand that not every thought I had needed to be uttered - it also took a little while for me to remember how think skinned I was when drinking.

I'm not sure it's AV - unless you feel like you're missing out or you feel like a drink would make socialisation less awkward?

D
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Old 07-18-2018, 11:51 PM
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Thanks Dee, not AV then.
I had a lovely time just chilling and chatting with my soft drinks.
Just a few awkward moments.

I used to be of the mentality that’ you have got to swing to hit a six.’
Not so sure now.
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Old 07-19-2018, 12:37 AM
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I wouldn't call it AV, no, tho others might.
I think it's just finding our feet socially ...
I used to be of the mentality that’ you have got to swing to hit a six.’
My nephews a fine cricketer - he tells me you can hit a six without much effort if your timing's right. probably applies here too

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Old 07-19-2018, 09:13 AM
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Thanks for your wisdom Dee.
You put my my mind at rest.

I’ll crack on and pick it up as I go along.
Adding to my social capability.

I’m much better than I used to be so progress is being made.
Happy days.
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Old 07-19-2018, 09:23 AM
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I find that people get both overly sensitive and paradoxically insensitive towards others when they are drinking, too.

I'm not sure if this relates, but two examples: One is a person I met in AA. Perfectly nice and polite and able to carry on long pleasant conversations when sober. I was at their house one day and he had relapsed/was drinking. Suddenly everything was an offense to him and he was super sensitive to things people said that weren't even insulting in the least.

Example two: I was at dinner with my cousin and we were having a nice polite, non intrusive conversation - until his fourth craft pint, when he started asking me incredibly insensitive and extremely personal questions that I would not answer for anyone, least of all a cousin I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was weird.

It wasn't me. Being sober allowed me to see the two different Jekyll and Hyde personalities in these people when they drank.
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Old 07-19-2018, 09:26 AM
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I agree with Dee, Snowy. I had problems with boundaries in conversation, too. I would tend to share too little and seem stand-offish or share too much. Finding a line in the middle took some time. I think you being aware of the issue of boundaries in conversation will get you on the right path.
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Old 07-19-2018, 10:59 AM
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I can only speak for myself, but I've found that when I'm a little nervous I need to watch myself as I can be a little 'gobby' (my choice of phrase). Not in any malicious way, just over talking, or sharing and a bit wired somehow. Either that or I'm quiet as a mouse. Lol.

I've got a work do tomorrow and am hoping I'll keep my Berry-Filter in place.

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