Boundaries
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
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Boundaries
I seem to have forgotten where the boundaries lie in conversation.
Or maybe I pushed them too far when I was a drinker now I don’t seem to know where the line is.
I always mean well but can be taken the wrong way.
Just over with friends in Belgium doing work for them.
They drink I don’t.
We have been to various bars over the last few nights.
I have been consistent with my banter and so have they.
But things seem to get a bit personal, and an atmosphere occurs.
It could be that old chestnut of what’s a joke at one beer is an insult after 5 beers.
Maybe I’m still a little sensitive to situations.
Maybe I didn’t care before.
Maybe I didn’t notice them before.
Maybe I still need to work on social challenges.
On thing is for sure I can hold conversation and not lose the thread if a different subject arises. And remember it next day.
My confidence seems to get a knock from getting a bad reaction from people.
Am I being hard on myself or is it my AV trying to put me down?
Or maybe I pushed them too far when I was a drinker now I don’t seem to know where the line is.
I always mean well but can be taken the wrong way.
Just over with friends in Belgium doing work for them.
They drink I don’t.
We have been to various bars over the last few nights.
I have been consistent with my banter and so have they.
But things seem to get a bit personal, and an atmosphere occurs.
It could be that old chestnut of what’s a joke at one beer is an insult after 5 beers.
Maybe I’m still a little sensitive to situations.
Maybe I didn’t care before.
Maybe I didn’t notice them before.
Maybe I still need to work on social challenges.
On thing is for sure I can hold conversation and not lose the thread if a different subject arises. And remember it next day.
My confidence seems to get a knock from getting a bad reaction from people.
Am I being hard on myself or is it my AV trying to put me down?
I think socialising sober is a skill we have to master.
It took me a little while to understand that not every thought I had needed to be uttered - it also took a little while for me to remember how think skinned I was when drinking.
I'm not sure it's AV - unless you feel like you're missing out or you feel like a drink would make socialisation less awkward?
D
It took me a little while to understand that not every thought I had needed to be uttered - it also took a little while for me to remember how think skinned I was when drinking.
I'm not sure it's AV - unless you feel like you're missing out or you feel like a drink would make socialisation less awkward?
D
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Thanks Dee, not AV then.
I had a lovely time just chilling and chatting with my soft drinks.
Just a few awkward moments.
I used to be of the mentality that’ you have got to swing to hit a six.’
Not so sure now.
I had a lovely time just chilling and chatting with my soft drinks.
Just a few awkward moments.
I used to be of the mentality that’ you have got to swing to hit a six.’
Not so sure now.
I wouldn't call it AV, no, tho others might.
I think it's just finding our feet socially ...
My nephews a fine cricketer - he tells me you can hit a six without much effort if your timing's right. probably applies here too
D
I think it's just finding our feet socially ...
I used to be of the mentality that’ you have got to swing to hit a six.’
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Thanks for your wisdom Dee.
You put my my mind at rest.
I’ll crack on and pick it up as I go along.
Adding to my social capability.
I’m much better than I used to be so progress is being made.
Happy days.
You put my my mind at rest.
I’ll crack on and pick it up as I go along.
Adding to my social capability.
I’m much better than I used to be so progress is being made.
Happy days.
I find that people get both overly sensitive and paradoxically insensitive towards others when they are drinking, too.
I'm not sure if this relates, but two examples: One is a person I met in AA. Perfectly nice and polite and able to carry on long pleasant conversations when sober. I was at their house one day and he had relapsed/was drinking. Suddenly everything was an offense to him and he was super sensitive to things people said that weren't even insulting in the least.
Example two: I was at dinner with my cousin and we were having a nice polite, non intrusive conversation - until his fourth craft pint, when he started asking me incredibly insensitive and extremely personal questions that I would not answer for anyone, least of all a cousin I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was weird.
It wasn't me. Being sober allowed me to see the two different Jekyll and Hyde personalities in these people when they drank.
I'm not sure if this relates, but two examples: One is a person I met in AA. Perfectly nice and polite and able to carry on long pleasant conversations when sober. I was at their house one day and he had relapsed/was drinking. Suddenly everything was an offense to him and he was super sensitive to things people said that weren't even insulting in the least.
Example two: I was at dinner with my cousin and we were having a nice polite, non intrusive conversation - until his fourth craft pint, when he started asking me incredibly insensitive and extremely personal questions that I would not answer for anyone, least of all a cousin I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was weird.
It wasn't me. Being sober allowed me to see the two different Jekyll and Hyde personalities in these people when they drank.
I agree with Dee, Snowy. I had problems with boundaries in conversation, too. I would tend to share too little and seem stand-offish or share too much. Finding a line in the middle took some time. I think you being aware of the issue of boundaries in conversation will get you on the right path.
I can only speak for myself, but I've found that when I'm a little nervous I need to watch myself as I can be a little 'gobby' (my choice of phrase). Not in any malicious way, just over talking, or sharing and a bit wired somehow. Either that or I'm quiet as a mouse. Lol.
I've got a work do tomorrow and am hoping I'll keep my Berry-Filter in place.
BB
I've got a work do tomorrow and am hoping I'll keep my Berry-Filter in place.
BB
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