Day 1 Again. Cardiologist and neurologist appointments not working
 

I thought I would never drink again with things starting to go wrong and having all these appointments coming up. I must be a complete idiot. Starting to wonder if I am a hopeless case or just throw in the towel when things get too tough. I have to see the cardiologist again before I get the results back. Maybe I feel like noone cares anymore if I live or die so what is the point. I always thought I would never drink if things got bad physically. That's when most people stop. Why can't I. Just venting.

Hi sweetichick

Are you still going to AA?

If you're not, and you're not posting here too much, it makes sense that when things get rough you're going to go for the only tool you have - which is alcohol.

Get some more tools :)

D

That makes sense Dee. I am not throughly following the path or being willing to go to any lengths to get it as they say in AA.

knowing this, then you know what the solution is,correct?

Yes correct. I just don't get why these health problems aren't enough to stop me. I am certain now I am an alcoholic not just a heavy drinker.

For me the why was pretty simple sweetichick.
When drinking was the only tool I had, or the only one I used, I drank.

Don't wait until I did, and be too late to get good health back.

D

sweeti, something i highly suggest ya do:
get your big book and read the chapters,"there is a solution" and "more about alcoholism."
keep reading them. i think the answer to your question is in there.

Sweeti, I think you need to keep believing that being sober is worth it. Yes, there are health issues that you are dealing with, but for sure, being sober will help you be healthier and able to cope with whatever comes along. :)

Thanks for the warning Dee. I don't want to leave it too late.

Have you been been seen for possible depression? Moderate to severe depression was a big henderance to me getting sober. Still is.

I wanted to get better. I knew I was destroying myself but due to the depression...I didnt care.

It is treatable.

DD

It may be that you are a real alcoholic Sweetichick.

" If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink."

The hard drinker and the real alcoholic as described in the big book. Not always easy to tell apart. However, IME once the real alcoholic truly understand the seriousness of his or her situation, wild horses couldn't stop them from- " throughly following the path or being willing to go to any lengths to get it as they say in AA. "

"We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men."

The reason I didn't jump at AA at the first sign of trouble was because cause I was not sufficiently desperate to do that sort of thing. I thought I had other options, but the main reason was that I was completely unable to see the truth of my situation. Not my fault, a kind of psychosis, unable to connect the dots and see cause and effect.

Once I saw the truth,I became as desperate as the drowning man, and did everything required to hang on to that life preserver.

I hope your truth turns out the same as mine. I had no problem with motivation from that point on. That is what a good step one experience does.

I can't help thinking of my friend Murray H who at 30 years old found himself in a similar position to yourself. Serious health problems. I was still drinking then and didn't know anything about AA or alcoholism. I went to visit Murray in the hospital where the doctors had told him it would likely be fatal if he ever drank again. (The Doctor's warning, about as powerful as a doctor's warning can be)
No AA int the picture. None of us knew anything about alcoholism.
Murray left the hospital, got drunk one more time, and died. And that was that.

Sorry to hear what happened to your friend and thanks for clarifying the difference between a heavy drinker and alcoholics. I am going to up my meetings and really try and work the program. Use whatever I can. ATM I see my neurologist in a week. I already know that he will point straight to my drinking. So that's my motivation for the next week at least. Otherwise I am just wasting his time. I am going to a meeting this morning and start planning the next one. Thanks for your help.

Hi Dave. I am on an SSRI and see a psychiatrist. You hit the nail on the head sometimes I just don't care.

Thanks Anna. I am struggling to cope with all these issues.

I’ve been on SSRIs off and on throughout life and found they made me want to drink more. I also found they didn’t really work for me so I haven’t been on any for years. I found some natural things that have helped and when I’m actually disciplined and taking them and eat well, I feel well again. But I’m with you, my body is telling to stop and I just don’t. It’s like I have no concept of self love or appreciation for what my body has already had to endure for decades now. I wish I could get that caring feeling back again.

I don't think SSRIs really help much. What natural things do you take? My body has been telling me to stop for 2 years now. It's going to be a long road to get back to normal. In some ways I still don't care. I would like to get that feeling back of caring as well.

This sounds as though you are going through stuff out of your own control, which in turn leads to feelings of helplessness, projection and fear. We all have choice, you can choose to hope over fear for example, asking your higher power to guide and lead you through this time, recognise that it is a feeling of powelessness which is making you feel the way you do, and in times like this we need to surrender, to what will be will be, hand it over, pray for the best possible outcome. Focus on this day and this day only to help keep anxiety and fear at bay. X x

Good reminder Blue. I need to stop thinking ahead and remember to do my daily prayers and meditation.

There it is.

We care. We want you alive. We care.

Keep coming here. Keep testing us. You'll find out we always care. We always want you to live. We want you to be happy and healthy.

I don't know how long you've been on the SSRIs sweetichick but if you feel they're not working, talk about it with your doctor.

I've nothing against natural remedies but I've nothing against Western medicine either :)

D