Buckley3

So, the past few days - really over the last week - I've started explaining my situation to a few people I trust at work.... and some who are on the margins of trust.

I've been communicating to them about my accident in February, my pending conviction in 3 weeks, what I hope the ideal scenario and impact at work will be, and what the potential worst case could be.

I'm doing so for a number of reasons:

I do a lot of training & facilitation. I get around. People will notice me when/ if I'm gone. Some people depend on me and need to know what's coming.

I travel around quite a bit and people will notice when all the sudden - best case - I'm in the office a ton for a few weeks while I wait 45 days to apply for an occupational license and while I adhere to a far less flexible work schedule.

I've come up with this theory that if I tell a few people here and there now I can avoid the challenge of feeling overwhelmed and paranoid when everyone notices something different all at once.

It helps me control the narrative. People are going to talk anyway - I'm not naive and I really don't care. But the people that I do care about and are important to me and my role should hear it from me - directly from me - and I should be as transparent about it as they are comfortable with.

I believe it can help dis-arm the gossip queens and de-fuse people's perceptions. It humanizes it. Despite the crap situation and the seriousness of my mistake, I'm not a monster. Far from. This approach keeps things from getting blown out of proportion.


I believe it's the right thing to do. I mean, I'm not running around with a big sign on my head waving my arms. But I do believe it's important for me to remain honest and open about all this. And in general it feels good not having to hide or tell half truths, etc. I mean - trust me - there's still some of that but where there doesn't have to be I don't want it. I want to be genuine without being naive.


It sucks. Let me tell you. Makes me feel dirty inside. Makes me a bit paranoid sometimes. For short bits at least. But I remain convinced that in the longer term it will make things easier. I hope I'm right.

Thing is, I'm not really putting a lot of stock or trust into people - I guess it is very self serving. It's about cleaning up my side of the street. I need to carry myself with my head high, shoulders back. I have to acknowledge myself as a good person trying my best to do the right things... without of course coming off like a tryhard or a naive fool. It takes timing and subtlety.

Sometimes I think it's the wrong approach. I feel self doubt. But it's my plan and I'm sticking with it.

But yea, it sucks. It isn't some glorious unicorns and sunshine epiphany filled moments. Just gotta keep embracing the suck at times I guess. Trusting that karma will kick in down the road.

Rant & vent done. Thanks for listening.

B

Ladysadie

Buckley, I think you have the right approach. I would just stay in your lane of life and not worry about what others are thinking. I like the idea of being preemptive and honest. Be a great example in owning your own stuff. Everyone makes mistakes ( or if they haven't they are still young yet and life will bite them in the butt). If I was your coworker I would stand in alliance with you. Make sure you have your plan, support and other measures in place so you're not apt to relapse.

This is a great strategy, should work with your bosses and your HR. Good luck to you and god bless.

biminiblue

Just reading your posts from when you first came here I've felt like you are a smart person and definitely not in any kind of denial. Brave, honest, and trying to do the right thing(s).

I believe all of this will serve you well. I do understand the suck though when there's nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Just gotta own it.

trachemys

Buckley, you are basing everything about your situation on other people.

This isn't about anyone but you.