Starsabove32

Hey I haven't posted in a while but i've very recently been referred to a type of therapy because when I was 15 I entered a "relationship" with a 43 year old man. It was of course all very hush hush, and it's only now I'm seeing how unbelievably controlling it had been... and not only that I am shocked to find how controlling my next two relationships were, and am only connecting all the dots now 17 years later.

I'm doing well at keeping off alcohol and really want to keep going with that. I had my first assessment for the counselling, and all I feel is such pain in my chest at the thought of it all. I can't make sense of it. My counsellor/assessor said it was abuse- and although I know it on some level it's as if my brain won't accept it. I have been very much brought up and told repeatedly that "someone else has it worse." So when it comes to my issues, I think hey it wasn't that bad, I was 15 but it was THAT bad! Because it's had such a negative affect since.

My eating has went way up the last few days and I feel so highly stressed. I just never knew this issue bothered me so much until now. It makes me feel sick and stressed dealing with it. But I'm aware I have to push through and eventually it WILL get better. I'm just really struggling now- why can't I accept it? My brain is really fighting to see which side it's on. Any helpful, kind, understanding words or explanations would really be appreciated. I feel awful :'( why is this giving me such a headache? Does it bother me that much? Do I have to relearn a whole new way of thinking? :'(

Thanks

doggonecarl

As a girl, my wife suffered abuse from her father. Therapy has helped her tremendously. I hope you too find a way to deal with yours.

Starsabove32

Thanks. I think my problem is I can't accept it as abuse because 15 is quite old in my head, compared to what other people have suffered :'(

biminiblue

I would say just trust the process. There is an age of legal consent for a reason.

Just keep digging through it until you find peace. With my past traumas sometimes it helps to look at it one way and sometimes it helps to look at it another way. Obviously none of us are privvy to the entire story the way your therapist is.

If it has caused you pain then it's worth figuring out, right?

Starsabove32

Yes thank you. I am feeling tremendous pain which makes me think I must be feeling the effects of it. I have been taught to get on with things, people have it worse, and so now I try to sweep things along thinking I shouldn't be annoyed by that.... but somewhere deep down I am and it is screaming to be heard.

Thanks for your message

2ndhandrose

From my ripe old age of 59 (!!!), 15 years old is very far from "quite old".

I had a lot of bad experiences around that age and, for years, I blamed myself.

Now, I remind myself that at 15 years old, I was but an immature child.

I had no idea how to protect myself from the predators. I didn't have good self esteem modelled for me and had no concept of the word NO. I just went along.

Also, because other people have suffered "worse", does not negate what you are going through. Your heart matters, too.

Starsabove32

Thank you 😊💙

Dee74

Hi starsabove

Things like this don't just go away - emotions are likely to be a little raw for a while.

For me things like sexual abuse are actually crimes of power.

An adult man preyed on a teenage girl - no matter how old you felt, no matter what happened in the relationship - you were preyed upon.

Sometimes we rationalise it's not such a big deal because we don;t want to deal with things like guilt or shame - I know I did for many years.

But you did nothing wrong and nothing to 'make' this happen. This was not your crime,

D

Anna

Stars, I can tell from your post that this relationship when you were 15 has caused you a lot of pain. Please don't think that your problems are less important than other people's problems. What you are dealing with is painful and difficult and the fact that you are facing the problem, with a therapist, is wonderful. Be patient with yourself. It might take awhile for things to sort out in your mind, but be proud that you are facing the issue.

iwilltryagain

Starsabove32 - Time will heal and this shall pass through...
Just "Let go". Let go and forgive for your peace and not for others.

You are still young, so many good things you can plan and do, focus on that...

Starsabove32

Thanks everyone. It means a lot! The pain sometimes makes me want to grab for a drink. But I'm trying to endure it! I just can't believe I didn't see it to now- that he totally knew what he was at and groomed and covered the secret so well. Starting to accept it! That'll help process it so I can put it to bed once and for all 😀