Jtmlk

Hello everyone, well I’m back yet again and am on day 3 today.
I feel that I not only let down myself but also this community who constantly give great advice that I always seem to ignore. Feeling a bit sheepish being here again but hopefully this time? Well who knows

Dee74

I don't feel let down jtmlk. I struggled for 15 years so I know what it's like

Something is drawing you back to drinking tho, rather than leading you to permanent recovery - can you pinpoint what that is?

D

least

Welcome back. I hope you can make the changes necessary to live a sober life.

Ghostlight1

You're not letting me down. you;re probably letting yourself down.
If you're getting such sage advice here, why don't you follow it?
And I know of what I speak, it took me years to quit drinking so I understand how you must feel.
But in the end, it's you. I got sober for myself. And I was a total drunk.
And it's been over nine and a half years since I felt the need to drink.

It took following others advice who had been there. I found them in AA. I found them here.
If you have no other reason, do it for yourself.
It may take action. I wish you the best

DontRemember

Been there done that...multiple times! Instead of worrying about us focus on yourself and get better.

Hevyn

Good to see you, jt. I'd feel let down if you didn't keep trying and never came back. I was not sober when I found SR - but I knew I would be. I wasn't quite ready when I first joined. Sometimes we need a little more proof that life would be so much better without it. You can do it! Welcome back.

newhope01

I think Dee is right to ask you what is it that keeps pulling you back to the bottle. Are you not quite ready yet? Maybe there are some lifestyle changes you can make? For example: Certain people or places to avoid?

DontRemember

That's so true! I had to make several life changes(people,places,things) to get/stay sober. Welcome back and get to the 'root' of the going back to the drink.

SnazzyDresser

You're framing sobriety as something unpleasant you have to do, a difficult chore to be endured. Try changing that model to one where you're getting to do something great, privileged even, helping yourself by eliminating something bad from your life, something that's hurting you.

doggonecarl

Perhaps go back and read your old posts, absorb some of that great advice, and put it into action.

Rar

Welcome back Jtmlk. I've also had relapses and Day 1s. I'm glad you're beginning again and not giving up. Staying close to SR will reinforce your commitment to sobriety. I log in several times a day, keeping sobriety in the forefront of my thoughts. Hang in there. You can do it!

tomsteve

you can know.
do you want to stop drinking for good?
are you willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol?
are you willing to put in the footwork for recovery?

those that say yes to those 3 questions make recovery #1 priority and manage to achieve lasting sobriety.

August252015

Glad you made it back. Some wise words above. You can choose recovery and I hope you do.

Minion09

Jtmlk!! Funny thing is... we all go to that place in our head of how others feel!! It’s how do you feel that is important. You matter! Do you need sobriety above all other things including what others think!
We’ve all been where you are at one point or another, it’s why we are here to help ourselves be sober and to encourage another. The notion of .. I’m not sick, I just like to drink, I can just have one the list of rationalizations is endless. When we finally surrender to the fact that we are alcoholic and life as we know it is currently unmanageable, then we are open for change. There has to be something more, and there is!
Don’t worry about how we are feeling! We are right here cause we understand and are or have been there! You haven’t let us down! Find the source, the things beneath the alcohol that is holding onto you and surrender it/those. Keep checking in, read your posts and others. Resolve yourself to just today!! Just for today you will not drink...tomorrow isn’t here yet, and yesterday doesn’t matter cause you can’t change it! 💕

lessgravity

Ah man, I feel for you. I know that persistent and defeating feeling. The past is a sad predictor at times - and many of us, myself included, have let ourselves and our loved ones down time and time again.

The good news is that we need not be a statistic on that side of the ledger. You can finally, for good, stop drinking and claim the life you want and you deserve. It takes real work and some suffering and some sacrifice. But as far as I can tell, it's a truly meaningful journey. Maybe the most valuable one we can all take.

Also I caution you in recognizing that the voice telling you that you are going to fail again is your AV, your demons. They want you to lose steam, to question yourself, to throw your hands up and say "oh well I know I'm going to fail one day, might as well start drinking today..." You need to recognize this voice and shut it the f up.

Thank you for the post. Had me thinking too about my doubts, which persist. Here's to staying strong.

Nonsensical

Brains are weird.

Mine would rather live disappointed than experience disappointment.

I'll probably just mess it up anyway, so why even try...

I lived that way for 50 years.
No more.

I got this.

So do you!
Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Jtmlk

Thanks for all your responses, unfortunately I’m using my phone and it doesn’t give me an option to thank the posts individually but I want you to know I am truly grateful.
I have read some old posts and as always with every period of sobriety I am staying close to SR.
You have all given me much to think about. Start of day 4 today as it’s 1.30am in uk. Not feeling great today and am hoping to hold on to this feeling for when AV tries to tempt me.
Keep strong everyone