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Pulled two ways by different addictions.

Old 07-15-2018, 02:36 PM
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Pulled two ways by different addictions.

I just have too much in my head to deal with the extra stress and panic brought on by trying to quit drinking. The biggest thing is my eating disorder. For years now I have relied heavily on beer to fill me up while I starve (please do not patronise me by telling me it isn't healthy - I am well aware of that) to my 'happy' weight, then I return to eating normally - which is a healthy amount - but I then face weaning myself off the beer (as I also want to quit drinking and the beer pushes my calorific intake to above healthy). Time and again I find that I just can't do it. I end up eating normally as well as drinking every night on top, which sees me put all the weight back on again. Drinking and eating are inextricably linked in my mind. To not eat means to drink more to ease the hunger pains. To eat normally means to drink to excess. (All or nothing complex when it comes to food. If I get 'all' the food (regular amounts) I am in party mode and the need to drink is higher.) I feel constantly terrible, fat, lazy, pathetic. I keep planning to quit drinking while ignoring my weight and then concentrate on dieting more healthily. That never works out. So I plan to 'diet' to my 'happy' weight then battle the booze. That always fails. The thought of quitting beer and not dieting at the same time is an impossibility for me. So that thing I always land back at is eat, drink and be miserable. (For those that read my previous post, the 'last beer' didn't work out.)
You all must know the feeling. Life has so many complications, so much stress, there is so much to do each day, so much to concentrate on etc, dealing with an alcohol addiction on top is tough (understatement). For those who have extra mental issues/addictions to deal with as well, it feels nigh on impossible (it certainly does to me). How can I possibly live a normal functional life while tackling these problems? I do not have the luxury of attending rehab or counselling. Just moaning really.
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Old 07-15-2018, 02:45 PM
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What makes it worse is the sheer absurdity of my persistence. I can go over two weeks without any food whatsoever - food, something needed for survival. Yet I cannot go a night without beer - which no one needs to live or prosper (in fact, as we all know, it is the exact opposite of good for survival purposes). How can this ridiculousness be?
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Old 07-15-2018, 03:56 PM
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Welcome back Newme. I did not suffer from multiple addictions but I completely understand the feeling of being stuck and sick of not being able to get out of the drinking rollercoaster.

Your addiction would love to have you believe that the problem is insurmountable, but it's not. Many people quit multiple substances and so can you if you really want to. There are lots of free resources here and locally that you could use without having to go to an inpatient rehab. Even if you needed to do rehab or get counseling there are a lot of free or reduced cost options out there. There are support groups for both alcohol and eating disorders certainly in your local municipality, and most cost nothing. You will find a tremendous amount of support here too, and you'll notice we do have a separate forum for eating disorders as well.
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Old 07-15-2018, 05:09 PM
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I agree with Scott - I convinced myself time and again I needed to be addicted to something...I was too fragile for the world as it is not to drink or drug.

I genuinely believed that...but it turns out I was wrong.
It wasn't pleasant to give everything up - far from it - but it wasn't impossible either, Support helps and you'll find lot of that here

You said last time the Allen Carr book inspired you to quit. Whats happened since then?

what are you doing for your recovery?

D
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Old 07-15-2018, 05:20 PM
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I totally agree with Dee and Scott. It's your AV telling you that what you need to do is impossible. The AV will do anything to keep you hooked and to keep you believing you are helpless in the situation. But, you are not helpless and you can take action. It's hard, no doubt, it's hard, but you can do it. Check out OA as a support for you food addiction. You will find you're not alone. Have you tried AA? If that doesn't work for you, you can always use SR as a support.
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Old 07-16-2018, 05:58 AM
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The Allen Carr book was brilliant and I still want to quit but I think I romanticise it all. I drank last night, and even while feeling dog-sick, tired and miserable, and knowing it was all down to the beer, I still pushed on and forced myself to drink more.
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Old 07-16-2018, 06:15 AM
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At some point it has to become about the solution and not the problem.

I had food issues too. And alcohol.

They can be put down. It does take commitment and time. But the first thing is to stop the behavior and find other coping tools.

I did a lot of journaling around my food issues. How was I feeling and what was happening when I practiced my eating problems? What could I have done instead? Then I set out to find other coping methods. We all have "stuff" to overcome. Trauma, fear, whatever it is - there is a book for it, or a Cognitive Behavior tool for it.

Keep searching. Diligently. It's life and death, ya know? I'm so glad to be on the other side. Just the fact you're searching means you know there is a way out.
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Old 07-16-2018, 08:39 AM
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I can relate to much of what you posted. I was caught in the same cycle, but ultimately, I HAD to stop drinking because it was destroying my life in a way that overeating never could. Ultimately, I did have to set aside dieting for a short time, because otherwise I had heightened cravings for alcohol, as you described. What I found is that quitting drinking automatically improved my appearance right away...less bloated FOR SURE...and I really took a look at my eating habits at 6 months sober. You can do it, and more importantly, you actually can release yourself from the misery you're feeling now.
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Old 07-16-2018, 09:44 PM
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If you romance the drink you can unromance it too - read some of your old theads, maybe post to help somebody else in trouble here.

The reality of addiction is here to be experienced right at your fingertips newme.

D
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