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Hesitant about meetings

Old 07-15-2018, 06:26 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by hellrzr View Post
Sounds like your brain is doing everything in it's power to keep you sick and away from those who will help you. Your ego appears to be playing a pretty big roll also. How about you just stop thinking and talking yourself out of AA and attend some meetings?

People in AA are just like you. You aren't any more special or less sick than they are so you don't have anything to worry about. It sounds like your guard will be on full alert so I'm sure you'll be able to spot trouble and excuse yourself to go talk to someone else. Just go to a meeting with an open mind and you will be amazed at what you learn and who you can help.
I'm hesitant about recovery altogether. I want to, I've put myself through hell these last two days but I foresee myself giving up eventually, my life is already over. I don't have a relationship with my family, don't see my son often, don't have any hobbies or career, I'm tired from too many traumatic events and dysfunctional relationships. I've tried this before. I see myself lasting a few weeks and deciding there's no point. And I can't recover my life. I don't talk to my family because they're toxic and I wasn't raised so I never made any life plan. I had to raise myself once I became an adult. It's happened before that I put in the work only to realize it doesn't change anything.
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Old 07-15-2018, 06:41 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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I'm hesitant about recovery altogether. I want to, I've put myself through hell these last two days but I foresee myself giving up eventually, my life is already over. I don't have a relationship with my family, don't see my son often, don't have any hobbies or career, I'm tired from too many traumatic events and dysfunctional relationships. I've tried this before. I see myself lasting a few weeks and deciding there's no point. And I can't recover my life. I don't talk to my family because they're toxic and I wasn't raised so I never made any life plan. I had to raise myself once I became an adult. It's happened before that I put in the work only to realize it doesn't change anything.
I genuinely thought my life would be dull grey and joyless once I got sober.
Nothing could have been farther from the truth.

Right now, and for however many years its been, your reality has been shaped by the booze and drugs you've been taking. Remove those from the picture and I think you'll be surprised at what you find.

It won't happen instantly - it took me about 3 months before I found a new normal, but it will happen

D
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Old 07-15-2018, 06:58 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I genuinely thought my life would be dull grey and joyless once I got sober.
Nothing could have been farther from the truth.

Right now, and for however many years its been, your reality has been shaped by the booze and drugs you've been taking. Remove those from the picture and I think you'll be surprised at what you find.

It won't happen instantly - it took me about 3 months before I found a new normal, but it will happen

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It isn't about being dull and meaningless but that I would still be wasting my time except in rooms.
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Old 07-15-2018, 07:31 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Laura3... AA isnít for everyone and I respect that 100%, but I can share that itís been life saving for me. Iíve been surrounded with so much love and support in attending meetings at my local club, most of which are men and women just there to find strength and hope in one another. At first I battled being there. ďI wasnít like these folksĒ, but as I sat and listened to their stories of who they were, where theyíve been and who they are now and who they wish to become, I realized Iím no different, just my circumstances that led me there. When it comes down to it Iím an alcoholic and I am finding strength, love, understanding and hope in the rooms that Iíve found no other place except there and here in SR. Go, listen, observe. Youíll know who is there for true healing, youíll know who to align with and who not to. Itís about sobriety and how to attain it and keep it first and foremost. My sponsor who was a complete stranger is now one of my greatest allies, I trust her completely cause she only wants sobriety for herself and others including me, as do 99% of the men and women Iíve come to call friends! Youíve gotta want it above all other things! We donít have time to spend on excuses because our lives depend on it.
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Old 07-15-2018, 07:54 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Laura,
you have come full circle in this thread, from your opening ' this time i'm serious' to ' i'm hesitant' (paraphrasing)
so it sounds to me like you would LIKE to be serious about recovering, but actually are ambivalent at this point.
maybe the change required looks too scary?
maybe goingto meetings is something you are trying to dismiss so hard because if you went, folks might suggest you do the suggested steps and go through that process?
maybe you think you want change but then it feels too scary and daunting, the effort too large and your present still livable and so you don't actually want change if it requires so much from you?

just guessing, based on some of my own former fears.

i can tell you: not everything is fixable, but lots can be healed.
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Old 07-15-2018, 07:58 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Laura3 View Post
It isn't about being dull and meaningless but that I would still be wasting my time except in rooms.
Sorry you feel that way.

To me addiction meant subtraction, I was less than I could be.
Recovery means I improve what I have and how I live.

Some people find that in the rooms of AA and some don't.

No one here is going to be able to make you do anything you don't want to do.

If you can stay sober and clean just by posting here that's terrific - that's the way I got sober.

But if you find you can't stop getting high or drunk, or that your only solution to life's ups and downs is drinking or drugging, or you feel like you're missing out on something being sober, you're obviously intelligent enough to realise you're going to have to change something.

D
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Old 07-15-2018, 10:12 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE=Laura3;6955600]

My life is already over...
I don't have a relationship with my family,
don't see my son often,
don't have any hobbies or career,
I'm tired from too many traumatic events and dysfunctional relationships.

I've tried this before. I see myself lasting a few weeks and deciding there's no point.

I can't recover my life. [QUOTE]


You know, you're AV (addictive voice) is just trying to convince you that is isn't worth the effort. It's presenting CONSEQUENCES of drinking to you as rationalisations FOR drinking. Recovery has been for me (and loads of other people I've met) a chance to rebuild broken relationships, and to find acceptance and peace around parental situations and past hurts. So many of my friends in recovery have had the chance to be better parents. Some had even had kids taken away fro them, and then a year or so into recovery have got them back, and the time they do spend with their children there is real connection there because they are present and in the moment with their child, not hung over, drunk, or looking ahead to the next drink and feeling like the time with their kid is hindering them from doing what they want to do.
I'm not saying poeple dont have trauma in their lives when they stop drinking. Of course not. BUT, there seems to be a lot less of the dramatic kind. And when it does come we have people we can connect with and talk things through honestly (not in a blame shifting or fearful way) and we can just quietly do the next right thing. And of course, any relationship we have while in active alcoholism is likely to be dysfunctional. It took me getting sober to realise that the one thing all my dysfunctional relationships had in common was ME. Although my taste in allies and hang-outs (I know now they weren't friends)was pretty suspect. I tended to choose people who were like me, then complain about all the ways they were like me, not realising I was just like that as well. But perhaps you're different.

As far as a few weeks goes. Well. Hopefully after a few weeks you'll feel a bit healthier, but recovery takes longer than two weeks. It's no quick fix, however we do it. There is no quick fix option. There is no pain free option. BUT, what is the alternative? To carry on as you are. And that doesn't seem to be working out too well at the moment.

When I first went in the rooms I was secretly more suspicious and uncomfortable with the women. Because I couldn't understand why they were being nice. I couldn't sure out what was in it for them. (The blokes I could just presume what they were after, or that's what my sick mind told me anyway). How could i manipulate someone and stay in control if i didnt understand what they wanted?!? Scary ****! Turns out that in AA the 12th step of the recovery plan is helping others to get and stay sober. When we help each other it's part of our recovery work, and that's what they were doing. Nothing to do with me having anything to give them, or do for them. It's like passing on grace. Grace is unearned love. Before recovery, to be absolutely honest I only knew about Eros, Sexualized love. Other kinds of love just kinda went over my head. But they're the kind of love that I've learnt about in recovery, and that kind of love makes everything seem different. Please, do stay away from the men and stick with the women, as scary and strange as that will seem at first.

Good luck at your first meeting if you do decide to give it a go. Your life is not over yet. And there's a part of you that WANTS to live. There must be or you wouldn't be posting on here at all.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
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Old 07-16-2018, 01:55 AM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Laura3 View Post
Anyway there are no women meetings around me and I'm not spending hours of travel and $20 to get to one
Do you drive a Humvee? Even so, $20 is a bargain compared to how much you spend on drugs and booze. Nothing is perfect in getting clean, nor is it convenient.
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Old 07-16-2018, 01:58 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Laura3 View Post
It isn't about being dull and meaningless but that I would still be wasting my time except in rooms.
So... don't waste your time? It's only a waste if you make it a waste. What do you think getting high for several hours a day is?
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Old 07-16-2018, 03:36 AM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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I donít know where your getting your statistics from or how valid they are but letís say it was true that 90% of psychopaths were addicts, that does not mean 90% or addicts are psychopaths. Itís hard enough getting to courage to ask for help, go to meetings and reach out, addicts can be momís and dadís, doctors, friends, family, the nice old man who always says hello and smiles when you pass him, the shy person in your office who lacks self confidence but never says a peep... addict are all kind of people from all walks of life, addiction doesnít discriminate and if society did less of it more people wouldnít be scared to get help.
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Old 07-16-2018, 03:50 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Laura3 View Post
I'm hesitant about recovery altogether. I want to, I've put myself through hell these last two days but I foresee myself giving up eventually, my life is already over. I don't have a relationship with my family, don't see my son often, don't have any hobbies or career, I'm tired from too many traumatic events and dysfunctional relationships. I've tried this before. I see myself lasting a few weeks and deciding there's no point. And I can't recover my life. I don't talk to my family because they're toxic and I wasn't raised so I never made any life plan. I had to raise myself once I became an adult. It's happened before that I put in the work only to realize it doesn't change anything.
Laura,

I felt like that for years - and used it to justify my drinking. But seriously? Is your life at all fulfilling now? I realized that I had two choices - continue my miserable life drinking with no hope of anything changing or continue my miserable life without drinking and some hope of change. It's that simple, really. Not easy but simple.

I also don't feel that I have a life to "recover," so I turned that around and replaced that word with "discover" and sometimes "construct." Don't let the terminology throw you off - there is a base meaning that people are trying to convey when offering advice. If you really listen, you'll be able to hear it.

Have you considered counseling? It sounds like you're quite depressed - therapy can help with that, and meds if indicated.

I'm glad you're here expressing your hesitancy. It's something that so many people feel but don't talk about.

O
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Old 07-16-2018, 04:57 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Hi Laura

I hope you will seek counseling for your depression, anxiety and substance use issues. Maybe this person can help you with your fears and past traumas.

I wish you the best whatever you decide to do! We are always here!
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Old 07-16-2018, 05:04 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Laura3 View Post
Statistics say at least 90% of psychopaths are drug addicts or alcoholics so the odds are pretty high of running into them in that community
statistics also show that people that make excuses to not do something for recovery have a hard time stopping drinking.

if nothing changes then nothing changes
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Old 07-16-2018, 08:54 AM
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"And I can't recover my life."

But, you can REBUILD your life.

When a person's house burns to the ground, they don't get to recover it. What they can do, is rebuild.

It takes time and effort, sweat and tears, but, oh sooo worth it.

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Old 07-16-2018, 09:50 AM
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Yes well I decided to go out last night and a guy at the bar was harassing me, wouldn't leave me alone. As I was leaving I got into a brawl, I punched him and a few other people. I have a scratch but otherwise I'm ok. I don't think it's the time for recovery, not in this town. I'm planning on moving back to the city.
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Old 07-16-2018, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Laura3 View Post
Yes well I decided to go out last night and a guy at the bar was harassing me, wouldn't leave me alone. As I was leaving I got into a brawl, I punched him and a few other people. I have a scratch but otherwise I'm ok. I don't think it's the time for recovery, not in this town. I'm planning on moving back to the city.
Sorry to hear that Laura. Unfortunately we can't move away from our problems - our addiction follows us wherever we go. If/when you are ready there is a lot of help available.
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Old 07-16-2018, 09:56 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Sorry to hear that Laura. Unfortunately we can't move away from our problems - our addiction follows us wherever we go. If/when you are ready there is a lot of help available.
Yes but its too difficult without meetings around or support groups. There's nothing in this town.
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Old 07-16-2018, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Laura3 View Post
I don't think it's the time for recovery, not in this town. I'm planning on moving back to the city.
doesnt matter what city, you will still have the choice to work on recovery or go to the bar.

wherever you go, there you are.
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Old 07-16-2018, 09:58 AM
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I don't remember how many people I hit but it was a lot. He had an entourage
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Old 07-16-2018, 10:02 AM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Laura3 View Post
Yes well I decided to go out last night and a guy at the bar was harassing me, wouldn't leave me alone. As I was leaving I got into a brawl, I punched him and a few other people. I have a scratch but otherwise I'm ok. I don't think it's the time for recovery, not in this town. I'm planning on moving back to the city.
What does hanging out with drunks and getting into a scuffle at a bar have to do with recovery?
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