Laura3

Maybe, maybe not. I live in a tough area. I don't know what I will find. It won't hurt to try though.

dcg

Drive to a less tough area for a meeting?

nez

When trying to decide whether to check out meetings or not...

Anna

Laura, many of us here do not use AA, and if you're concerned about your safety, then, maybe, consider other options. This link has info on various Recovery Programs and tips on what we did to get sober:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

Laura3

Thanks Anna

DebT

I am on my 5th day and was also hesitant about meetings, but really felt I need to be in person around people with some sobriety. I've been to only a few meetings and the women's meeting felt very safe and supportive. These are really kind, caring people who know these first days feel and how hard it is. They suggested I try to stick with women's meetings at first, probably for some of the reasons you're worried. I did find 2 meetings not to go back to before that though! I will keep trying. You can always turn around and leave if you don't like the vibe when you get there.

Laura3

Right, I'll have to check out the atmosphere

eyes99

The meetings vary widely. Try a few out in a few different neighborhoods. Some folks like young people meetings. I tend to like the ones with the old timers who’ve seen it all and been there/done that. Plus, old folks game is pretty weak, so it’s easy to dodge, if they even get up the energy to make a pass. And only one person ever has tried it, and it was a softball, as I mentioned.

Don’t paint all of AA with such a broad brush. I’m sure that you can find a meeting that works for you. And I’ve tried a bunch, and I’ve never felt unsafe. Some of them weren’t for me, but I never felt like I was in imminent danger.

Good luck and congrats on your sobriety this far!

RoverVA

You will have the power to control your emotions once you are sober when it comes to dating.

Laura3

Yes but I know from experience how predatory men can be in the meetings, especially to new vulnerable women. I will just tell them where to go and leave me alone

Berrybean

Maybe go to a woman's meeting first?

To be honest, at the meeting I've been to the expectation is that other than social niceties men stick with the men, and women stick with the women. I was told by a (male) old timer, never give your number to any of the men, and if they ask for it let someone know that they did. This seemed all very old fashioned to me at the time, but I've seen a few people act against those suggestions (not preyed on, just both people early in sobriety who thought they knew better than what had been suggested). Nothing dire happened, but once their instant gratification had been served and ardour cooled it made it a bit awkward for a time.

We learn all about life in recovery. How to keep ourselves safe in relationships is part of the learning, but we can do it (thankfully) without any practical lessons.

BB

ScottFromWI

I'd suggest a women meeting then. You seem to be doing a very good job of discounting all the suggestions people have for you today Laura, and I understand that. Our addiction hates the fact that we want to do something to kick it to the curb, so it will use any excuse it possibly can to get you to stay isolated.

Laura3

I just don't want to waste my time. I've already experienced rehab, meetings, periods of sobriety. I know what doesn't work for me. Meetings did help me for a while but I got sidetracked with men.

Laura3

Anyway there are no women meetings around me and I'm not spending hours of travel and $20 to get to one

ScottFromWI

You will be the one that needs to decide Laura. You've been given a lot of suggestions for things other than live meetings too.

The bottom line is that it really doesn't matter what kind of "plan" you choose. Each one will require you to do things you don't want to do. Your addiction will need to get dragged along with you kicking and screaming every inch of the way. And don't discount something just because it didn't work the first time.

Laura3

I am going to try the meetings again but if I don't feel comfortable I'm going to get counseling instead.

ScottFromWI

That sounds like a good plan to me. I found a counseling to be very helpful in my journey - both with my sobriety and my anxiety. I wish you the best of luck. As long as you keep trying things will improve- I can guarantee you that.

Laura3

Thanks

Grungehead

There's a saying in AA that goes something like "men with men and women with women". Most meetings I go to the women in the group are very protective of female newcomers to the group. The suggestion to try a women's meeting first if you are hesitant is also a good idea if there is one in your area.

hellrzr

Sounds like your brain is doing everything in it's power to keep you sick and away from those who will help you. Your ego appears to be playing a pretty big roll also. How about you just stop thinking and talking yourself out of AA and attend some meetings?

People in AA are just like you. You aren't any more special or less sick than they are so you don't have anything to worry about. It sounds like your guard will be on full alert so I'm sure you'll be able to spot trouble and excuse yourself to go talk to someone else. Just go to a meeting with an open mind and you will be amazed at what you learn and who you can help.