Saving a relationship after relapse
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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I just wanted to say thank you to all the replies I've received, both constructive and otherwise.
A little update: I gave her some space to process the shock of her discovering my works. Eventually, we talked and she told me she wasn't judging me and that she was here for me. She said she knew my situation before e got together and she is prepared to support me as long as I was honest. Its this kind of acceptance and love that I believe is so important to us addicts and alcoholics...it's just up to us to take hold of that or not. You know, a very famous Harvard study showed that the support of a spouse is the number one factor in overcoming addiction, more than any 12 step program. Addiction is a complicated issue and many times its a way to self medicate emotional and mental pain, trauma and to impulsively cut someone off because they have a weakness or a "disease of the mind" I believe is the wholly wrong approach. That should be a last resort. Just have to get that off my chest.
-London Ray
A little update: I gave her some space to process the shock of her discovering my works. Eventually, we talked and she told me she wasn't judging me and that she was here for me. She said she knew my situation before e got together and she is prepared to support me as long as I was honest. Its this kind of acceptance and love that I believe is so important to us addicts and alcoholics...it's just up to us to take hold of that or not. You know, a very famous Harvard study showed that the support of a spouse is the number one factor in overcoming addiction, more than any 12 step program. Addiction is a complicated issue and many times its a way to self medicate emotional and mental pain, trauma and to impulsively cut someone off because they have a weakness or a "disease of the mind" I believe is the wholly wrong approach. That should be a last resort. Just have to get that off my chest.
-London Ray
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
While I agree that support is helpful, maybe even necessary - I don't believe our spouses and/or family have to continue to suffer with us when we continue to relapse. That's why there are counselors and groups like AA. It isn't the spouse's problem to solve.
How is that fair to them? They don't deserve it, and I don't think we as addicts get unlimited chances either with them or with ourselves.
I hope you'll dive into true, honest recovery with all you've got...because the reality is that she may or may not be able to hold up that promise to you if you continue to inflict this kind of scary pain on yourself and her.
I reached a limit one day with my addicted ex-husband. I just hit a wall and had to go. There was nothing he could have said or done at that point, because I had heard it all before and the trust was irrevocably broken.
How is that fair to them? They don't deserve it, and I don't think we as addicts get unlimited chances either with them or with ourselves.
I hope you'll dive into true, honest recovery with all you've got...because the reality is that she may or may not be able to hold up that promise to you if you continue to inflict this kind of scary pain on yourself and her.
I reached a limit one day with my addicted ex-husband. I just hit a wall and had to go. There was nothing he could have said or done at that point, because I had heard it all before and the trust was irrevocably broken.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Have to agree with bim on this one--putting that much pressure on your loved one can backfire pretty easily.
Your recovery is an inside job, just as mine and any addict's is.
That's the bottom line.
Get clean and stay clean and know we all wish for you to have a happily ever after. . .
Your recovery is an inside job, just as mine and any addict's is.
That's the bottom line.
Get clean and stay clean and know we all wish for you to have a happily ever after. . .
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I reached a limit one day with my addicted ex-husband. I just hit a wall and had to go. There was nothing he could have said or done at that point, because I had heard it all before and the trust was irrevocably broken.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
And I'm confident this was in no way an "impulsive" decision.
No, I talked "at" him until I ran out of words and fell out of love. I supported, I begged. I tried to get him to go to counseling with me.
Years.
It does break, though.
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