eyes99

Yesterday was a tough day - my husband went out of town and I thought, hmm, I could have a couple and he’d never know.

Then I looked in the mirror. I didn’t mean to, but I was washing my hands and looked up. And when I saw my face, I realized that I would know. And that it would start the cycle of shame and disgust with myself all over again.

So I didn’t drink. And I made it to bedtime. And honestly, I have never, ever regretted going to bed sober. I was laying there reflecting on that last night. I don’t miss the spins, the foul alcohol smell, the faint nausea, the beginning of the headache that will just grow while I’m sleeping. I don’t miss the 3am anxiety attack, the horrible crazy dreams. I don’t miss the incredible sweating, the funkiness of which would sometimes keep me awake for the rest of the night.

So, I’m pressing on. And the goal is to lay me head down sober every night going forward. It’s so much better. 34 days here.

biminiblue

"Go to bed sober," was one of my most powerful mantras in early days, I agree!

Congrats on Day 34. That's so great.

Fly N Buy

Print out your post and tape it on your mirror~ We have bad rememberers

eyes99

Thank you!! It makes the goal each day seem that much more attainable to me. Just make it to bedtime, and then once I lay down, I’m always grateful that I didn’t drink.

eyes99

Lol - yes we do! Great idea.

brighterday1234

You will never regret not drinking

PalmerSage

I've been sober almost 7 months, and going to bed sober is still one of my favorite things. I make my bed, read, drift off, and feel super thankful that I'm not bleary, miserable, and passing out in a wad of bedding. Good for you!!!

Atlast9999

[QUOTE=eyes99;695416
I have never, ever regretted going to bed sober. I was laying there reflecting on that last night. I don’t miss the spins, the foul alcohol smell, the faint nausea, the beginning of the headache that will just grow while I’m sleeping. I don’t miss the 3am anxiety attack, the horrible crazy dreams. I don’t miss the incredible sweating, the funkiness of which would sometimes keep me awake for the rest of the night.

So, I’m pressing on. And the goal is to lay me head down sober every night going forward. It’s so much better. 34 days here.[/QUOTE]

I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s so refreshing to be able to go to bed without all those horrid, self-inflicted side-effects! Congrats to you for making it through and for 34 days. I’m right behind you at 31.

CRRHCC

Congrats on breaking the cycle of shame!
You have outlined the cons of drinking very well.

You can’t get addicted to a substance or behavior that doesn’t do something for you.

What are the benefits of drinking?

I'm not being a smart ass. For me, when I unpacked why I drank (feelings of helplessness) it made sense to stop, to regain control with more direct healthy, high value behavior. Addictions always serve an emotional purpose.

eyes99

Oh absolutely! I’ve been in therapy for a couple of years and pretty regularly attend AA. I think I know the whys, and I’ve almost gotten a handle on them. That brought my drinking way down - it took the fun out of it completely. But I kept relapsing. Because drinking had become its own habit. So, the whys mattered a ton, but for me, my drinking had also become ingrained as its own thing.

So, I’m mostly past the whys now and I’m looking at my drinking as the habit that it is. I’m an alcoholic. I want to drink because I’ve become accustomed to drinking. And I have to break that habit. The whys weren’t enough by themselves, but they kicked off the process.

eyes99

I love it! And congratulations to you!

eyes99

All of this! And congratulations on your 7 months!

Gabe1980

Oh eyes! That's exactly it. Going to bed sober and waking up hangover free. I love waking up and having coffee. Proper strong coffee. I never do that with a hangover. I knowing that you don't have anything to apologise for.....that is always awesome.
The drinking terror night-time rountine is one of the main reasons I knew I had to quit for good. Well done to you xx

August252015

What a great post Eyes! Way to go. Waking up sober is something I never regret either. Keep going!

eyes99

Thanks Gabe. And congratulations to you!! We’ve got this! As another poster said, we just have to keep our rememberers working. Onwards!

eyes99

Right? And thank you! For me, it really is bedtime, probably because I just generally hate waking up, lol. I’ve been that way since I was a kid. But laying down at night? When the sheets are cold and your body relaxes into the bed? That’s heaven for me. At least it used to be before I became a drunk. During that time, bed was just the end of the drinking for that day, a place to collapse and pray to God for mercy that night.

Now it’s back to being wonderful. I didn’t realize how much I was robbing myself of by drinking. Bed time is the least of it, but still so significant to me. I’m just so grateful to have it back.

CRRHCC

My question is what were the specific reasons why, the theme or root cause that made you choose a quick fix or mood changer of alcohol?

boreas

Thank you for this important reminder. It is so easy to forget how awful it was.

Congrats on 34 days.
-bora

least

I'm sober over 8 yrs and still relish the feeling of going to bed sober and waking up feeling good. It never gets old.

tealily

Thanks for this wonderful post. I totally agree!

I have reacquainted myself with many simple joys, including crawling into my cozy bed, curling up and falling to sleep naturally and well, not to wake up four hours later with that horrible sick jolt. For years I just passed out, didn’t go to sleep naturally, healthfully, normally.

Who in their right mind would think, as they are getting ready for bed, “Dxxx it all, I wish I’d drunk a bottle or two of wine. I wish the room were spinning. I wish I were woozy and stumbling.” No one.

Why did we think any of it was worth it?

Congratulations on conquering that night home alone!